Hello,

First off I wanted to say Hi,  I'm 27 now and I have spent the last 17 years miserable and in denial of who I really am. I've been through major ups and downs and bottomed out again a month ago and have resorted to self harm.  I am so sick and tired of pretending to be happy when I have never been.

Basically I taken the first steps of calling around, I tried Sherbourne and they told me to call back in March to see if I could get on a waiting list as they aren't taking anyone at this time.  What I got from that conversation was even once March comes I'll be waiting even longer.

I sent a couple of e-mails off to a few therapists that deal with gender issues.  (I could only find 2 outside of Sherbourne but I'm assuming there has to be more than that here)

I also just started looking into online sessions as an alternative but I would prefer someone in person.

If anyone could point me in a good direction here that would be great.  I thought there might be a couple people here from Toronto.

I think that's it for now, 

Thanks for any help

I'd suggest contacting the 519: http://www.the519.org/ and asking them to refer you to someone.

Quote from: Sarah7 on January 20, 2012, 11:17:06 AM
I'd suggest contacting the 519: http://www.the519.org/ and asking them to refer you to someone.

Thank you, I didn't see that one, I will contact them later today.  It's much appreciated.

Just got off the phone with them.  I was referred internally to their own therapist I believe as it said the appointments are held there. 

I left all my information and they've said it's about a 4 month wait list

Going to keep that one active and keep seeing if I can find a private therapist in the mean time. 

Thanks again.

Ouch, sorry.

I ran across this hunting around online:

http://www.rrconsulting.ca/docs/RRConsulting_TransPositivePsychotherapistsPsychologistsPsychiatrists_2012.pdf

It's a list of trans positive mental health care professionals in Canada, and it's current. It's put together by a guy in Toronto, so it has quite a lot of TO entries. Might be of use in tracking down someone who has space for you.

Oh wow, that list is huge and there's a pile of them within 30 minutes of me.  Thank you soooooo much.  I thought I did a pile of searching and I could only come up with 2.  I knew I was doing something wrong.

Thanks again! I have a busy day tomorrow calling around now

Here's hoping for some good news.

Welcome!

Let me know how it works out.

Will do, I'll keep you in the loop I emailed a couple of the ones that had e-mail addresses/sites near me and I'm going to start calling like mad tomorrow and Monday.

  Have my first appointment on the 30th near my house.  I'm excited and terrified at the same time haha.

Thanks again.  Made my week by far

Awesome!

Walking in to that first appointment was the scariest thing I've ever done. But it was so ->-bleeped-<-ing worth it.

Best of luck.

Well, I have to say.

It's much worse in your head of all the things you can think of and process until you get there...  Once you get there it feels like a huge weight was lifted after talking for the first 10 minutes.

It's funny how holding stuff in can do so much damage to yourself and you don't even think about it.  I look back at all the years I spent angry and hating myself and wonder why I was so scared to act.

Letting out what i've been holding for so long and what no one knows, even my closest friends didn't know was probably the greatest feeling I've ever had

Obviously the first appointment was a huge success hahaha...

Should be interesting

Only regret now is I didn't do this 10 years ago haha...

Quote from: rj3784 on February 02, 2012, 02:19:15 PM
Only regret now is I didn't do this 10 years ago haha...

Oh man, that was exactly how I felt/feel. Doing something about it was soooo much easier than living with it. Still, better now than in another 10 years, huh?

Quote from: Sarah7 on February 02, 2012, 04:11:41 PM
Oh man, that was exactly how I felt/feel. Doing something about it was soooo much easier than living with it. Still, better now than in another 10 years, huh?

Yep, you're 100% right, it's definately better now than in another 10.  I don't think I could do another 10tt.  I've been miserable for far too long and I believe everyone deserves some sort of happiness in their life and I haven't had much of that in the 27 years I've been around.

I've always told people I'd be gone by the time I was 30 and it's true.  The version of myself that I hate will be gone or at least going away

This week has been the first time I've been happy in as long as I can remember, it's an amazing feeling haha.

I wish there was some way I could thank you other than saying thanks.  The list you gave me has changed my life or at least put me on the road to it.   

Thank you again, I truely mean that.

Quote from: rj3784 on February 02, 2012, 10:03:59 PM
I wish there was some way I could thank you other than saying thanks.  The list you gave me has changed my life or at least put me on the road to it.   

Thank you again, I truely mean that.

Hey, no worries. I like being useful.

You should totally stick around - there is some useful info on these forums, and even some nice people (not me, I'm a bitch ).

haha we're all bitches in our own ways.  I'm planning on sticking around Not going anywhere.  I've browsed the forum quite a bit but i'm just starting to add bits and peices now.

Quote from: Sarah7 on February 02, 2012, 04:11:41 PM
Oh man, that was exactly how I felt/feel. Doing something about it was soooo much easier than living with it. Still, better now than in another 10 years, huh?

This is exactly how I feel. Sure wish I did it 10 years ago, but I know that unless I do it now, I'll regret it even more 10 years down the line. And, I'm continually trying to convince myself, 29 is still young

Figured I'd throw an update in here since it's been a while.

I guess the best way to put it is, ever feel hopeless?

I'm not really with my councillor anymore that I was seeing due to not a lot of free time and the fact that I found out I cannot get a referal letter from her for whatever reason.

I came out to my Dr and it didn't make her uncomfortable but she doesn't know how to handle it and has referred me to CAMH. She wants to see what they will recommend since she doesn't know all the steps to take. I'm okay with that and filled out all the stuff they sent me but what I'm not okay with is the 11 month wait to get in there to see someone.   

She did send me for bloodwork though and my results came back with there being something wrong with my liver since there was an elevated count of enzymes in my blood (re-test in September).  I've been dropping a pile of weight through dieting and exercise so she thinks it could be fatty liver since I was obese.

This all happened in March/April and I've been so busy I was able to put the first few months behind me pretty easy but I feel myself slipping yet again and am finding no joy things I like and went from not sleeping to sleeping way too much and the usual moodyness came back with my family.

Now I am torn on what to do, do I wait it out until 2013 or find another person and start again?

All I can say to all of this is, bleh haha.

I'm seeing Dr. Scott Duggan (psychologist). He did some time with the 519, and he's learned a LOT from me. I can recommend him. The long wait with CAMH may be because they may have classified you as an "off the street" person; by that I just mean that you're not going in with a GID diagnosis already.

My CAMH application went in last week, with a GID letter from Scott, changed name, updated gender marker on my ID,  having started HRT with a great doctor, and already being full time. We're hoping that I get fast-tracked.

Hi rj3784,

Perhaps you could try starting again through your own GP Doctor. I had been told by SHC about the one year wait as well, that was back in April. I live in Mississauga & a person thought if I didn't want to wait a year, perhaps if I knew a Dr. in my area that might be TG friendly or if my own personal physician Dr. might be open to considering this. I had a visit with her, a very brief time to explain my story. We get along great, communicate well, she is very empathetic & listens to you and she has been marvelous at keeping me healthy. She has set an appointment with an endocrinologist in early August. So will have to wait and see were I go from there. My GP has never had a tg patient before and not knowledgeable of gender issues.

This could be a possibility to try, if you have to start over.
Best wishes on your journey.
Jamie

Quote from: Jamiep on June 26, 2012, 07:58:34 AM
Hi rj3784,

Perhaps you could try starting again through your own GP Doctor. I had been told by SHC about the one year wait as well, that was back in April. I live in Mississauga & a person thought if I didn't want to wait a year, perhaps if I knew a Dr. in my area that might be TG friendly or if my own personal physician Dr. might be open to considering this. I had a visit with her, a very brief time to explain my story. We get along great, communicate well, she is very empathetic & listens to you and she has been marvelous at keeping me healthy. She has set an appointment with an endocrinologist in early August. So will have to wait and see were I go from there. My GP has never had a tg patient before and not knowledgeable of gender issues.

This could be a possibility to try, if you have to start over.
Best wishes on your journey.
Jamie

Jamie, my GP has never had a trans patient either, but she didn't wait for an endocrinologist. She realized how hard it was to find one, and after two months of looking, the earliest appointment was six months. She called a physician at Sherbourne, and used their protocols. They've published detailed protocols, especially on HRT. It means that she's quite the literalist about some things, which has caused delays, and we're going slow on the HRT progression, but we've started without waiting for an endocrinologist. Maybe you can ask her if she's comfortable going that route?