So for the past month the counsellor I'm seeing and I have been stuck on how to tell my very transphobic grandma that I really can't be around her until she can at least make a visible effort to acknowledge my transition. I've been posting about it on here as well, dwelling, going crazy. I love her, but it's becoming more and more clear that I have to do this. Whether I speak to her in person, phone, letter...it needs to be done or I'm going to be consumed. So my goal is to do it before my next session, which is the first week of February.

Just letting it out. I feel guilty, shameful, awful, weak. I wish I could handle being misgendered but I can't anymore, at least when it's deliberate. I'm getting so angry and thinking things about her that I don't want to think, and feeling things for her that I don't want to feel.

I'm glad you think that...I want to do a letter, and the therapist sees nothing wrong with the letter idea. My brother tried to discourage me from it, saying it was too 'cold' but he's just flat out started ignoring her so he may not be the best person to give advice on this matter.

She can't argue with a letter. Save the arguments for later. Get all of your thoughts on paper to her first.

Cindi

I agree a letter is the best way to go since it gives her time to collect her feelings.  Tell her how it makes you feel when she can't accept you and maybe even let her know that you cannot be in an atmosphere that is not condusive to positivity.

Good luck and I agree on the idea of writing a letter. The coldness can't be helped. You need to word your thoughts more carefully than speech allows, and she'll need time to think as well.

I kept wussing out, and my friend texts me this morning and tells me that she emailed my grandmother for me because she was sick of me being torn apart over it. :| She titled it 'birthname's grandmanickname' to get her attention so she didn't just delete it. At first I was angry because obviously I've been making myself sick with worry and this is scary...but she siad she had nothing but nice things to say all around so that helps a bit. She's going to show me the email later.

At least if my grandma has smomething nasty to say, I won't be on the receiving end. Unless she phones.

Quote from: Caseyyy on January 31, 2012, 10:28:00 AM
I kept wussing out, and my friend texts me this morning and tells me that she emailed my grandmother for me because she was sick of me being torn apart over it. :| She titled it 'birthname's grandmanickname' to get her attention so she didn't just delete it. At first I was angry because obviously I've been making myself sick with worry and this is scary...but she siad she had nothing but nice things to say all around so that helps a bit. She's going to show me the email later.

At least if my grandma has smomething nasty to say, I won't be on the receiving end. Unless she phones.

Even if it's not what you planned, that sounds like a decent outcome. I'm really glad you're making progress, and it hasn't torn you to pieces yet.

Thanks. it was nice to read the nice things she said about me, and to know someone cared and took the time to do that. And maybe an 'outsider's' perspective is exactly what my grandma needs. To know people care about me as I am.