I've noticed this on every online trans forum I have been on since 1995. Many discussions quickly turn to personally attacking the other person. If I had a dollar for every time someone negatively critiqued my appearance or my life (without my asking for it) in the middle of a discussion, usually on an unrelated topic, I'd be rich. I post here to give people the benefit of my experience both as an totally out middle gendered person and as someone who has moved to being a woman. Then I'm told "People just are humoring you" etc. Never mind being told all the crap about "until you have had SRS like I have, you are a MAN period." *sigh*

For a group of people who are still fighting for civil rights and public acceptance, we sure don't seem to extend any of this to others. It's not my job to try to figure out why most trans, and many GLB seem to be the most intolerant people I ever deal with. I specifically avoid 'transgender centers' and support groups for this very reason. The only person in my neighborhood that has been publicly abusive to me is a gay woman.

I know I'm a woman. I am treated as one and never have ANY weirdness in my life, but according to some of the people here "You're just lucky" "You are a parody of a woman" "You might think you are passing but you aren't". They have NO IDEA what my life is like but their goal seems to be: drag other people down with all their negativity. To see if they can plant a seed of insecurity. This is what I see in every "support group" I have interacted in. Not a very positive experience.

I really just don't get why unless their life sucks, they hate themselves and need to try to make other people miserable too? It's simply pathetic.

Quote from: Stephe on January 31, 2012, 10:56:19 PM
I really just don't get why unless their life sucks, they hate themselves and need to try to make other people miserable too? It's simply pathetic.

I think that's really the sum of the matter, most times. We as a community tend to have a lot of self-hatred, and sometimes we take it out on each other. It's sad.

I think this is the nature of online forums, too. I have belonged to many and it's the same everywhere - some people empower themselves by putting others down, some react because they feel threatened and some are, by nature, argumentative and snarky.  But I also see a lot of people NOT doing those things, and they are the ones that make sites like this great.

Kia Ora Stephe,

"Misery loves company !"

Metta Zenda

Yes I agree, it's the same everywhere online, and there's lots of good people too.

Insecurity I would say.  Some peoples self-image is so fragile that anyone from a broadly similar group who does not meet their own criteria for inclusion is automatically inferior.  They basically have to have someone to feel superior to.
I prefer to regard everyone as a unique individual rather than a representative of a class, and ask why they are mean.

Karen.

Quote from: Stephe on January 31, 2012, 10:56:19 PM
I know I'm a woman. I am treated as one and never have ANY weirdness in my life, but according to some of the people here "You're just lucky" "You are a parody of a woman" "You might think you are passing but you aren't". They have NO IDEA what my life is like but their goal seems to be: drag other people down with all their negativity. To see if they can plant a seed of insecurity. This is what I see in every "support group" I have interacted in. Not a very positive experience.

I really just don't get why unless their life sucks, they hate themselves and need to try to make other people miserable too? It's simply pathetic.

Like you, I am treated as a woman, have had no weirdness or abuse or anything like that.. Even the GLB people I interact with treat me with respect.

To be honest, those that are throwing stones I see as people whose lives are obviously in a worse place than mine is and they are trying to drag me down to their level.. 

What hope do we have of winning our rights and the hearts and minds of others if we can't come together as a unified whole? The gay and lesbian communities seem to be doing it, even if sometimes it means stabbing us in the back. But they are getting things done!

It's quite simple really human beings aren't very nice. In spite of being supposedly intelligent most of them just follow the crowd and are easily manipulated without even realising that it's happening, sheepal. The internet give's feeble individuals the chance to be horrible without repercussions, similar thing happens with the phone, distance and anonymity are better than alcohol for making someone brave and spiteful. You may have seen the T shirt "Instead ->-bleeped-<- just add alcohol" There should be another one "spiteful opinionated uncaring b'stard sat behind a key board"   

This thread is actually a bit frightening to me...
Maybe I'm lucky not having had any of such direct 'assaults' as mentioned in the OP.
And I dearly hope it will stay this way? Please...

I do get pissy though when folks come with those 'fanciful', 'semi-scientific' ideas, like e.g. HBS and what not, are themselves not directly affected, though affecting some of us directly.
Then going on defending some of this BS being banded about.
It's a bit like having rotten tomatoes thrown at you... not so easy to just laugh it off, or?

Maybe we are all just too vulnerable... and therefore pretty defensive when stuff like is banded about, like telling us we not "real" or some such.

Come to think of it, it be equally offence to tell any cis-guy or cis-girl they "NOT REAL" but hey, since they happen to hang around, we gonna be just fine with them...
Hell, how bloody arrogant can things get, some posts just seem to miss.

If we were COMPLETELY secure and self-assured (and who really is?) we would not even read such, and as a matter of fact may not even post, or even be on Susan's for that matter?

Pondering...
Axélle

Good points Axelle-Michelle.   Personally I haven't experienced any such attacks, and would just shrug them off if they did occur with a ,"is that all you've got?" reply.

Karen.

Aussies come with a cool gene, eh honey? :-)

Germans of course do not... and so sen wat vee hav here is falur to co-mmunicate, ja!

:-)
Axélle

Stephe, you took the words right out of my mouth. It's also interesting that some who replied will bash other people and countries regularly. Hugs, Devlyn

I think it's typically lack of confidence, a lot of doubt and a need for validation. I see this a lot with discussion of Op status. It's like that one thing alone makes some people say "I am this which automatically makes me that" and assumes that whatever it makes them is shared by all members of the group. It then becomes polarizing. I don't know about you all, but my body parts don't really give me anything in common with anyone else. I'm a unique individual with all my quirks and my personality and my looks and body parts. We are all unique regardless of our transness. I try to celebrate the similarities we all have and find common ground, not find things that separate. I've been coming here since 2007 and I read forums every now and then but honestly, sometimes it's so caustic that I just avoid the posts with all the nasty stuff. This is online and as supportive as it is, there's a whole world out there waiting to be discovered. While I am online, I refuse to let it be a negative experience and get involved with negative people. Life's too short for that, right  Meghan

Misdirected anger, bitterness, maybe sometimes a bit of bat s**t craziness, all run rampant in the community in my opinion.

As Jaime said, I am absolutely certain that it has most, perhaps excludingly, to do with Bitterness.
Bitterness that in turn causes the sufferrer to, for instance in regards of online boards, deliberately misread what other people say, as an excuse to pick fights, hence having an excuse to "letting of steam", so to say.

And it is not only in the Trans-Community this is a phenomena, but also the Gay Community.
There are ofcourse many, many gay and trans-persons that are warm and absolutely wonderful people- After all, my best friends have been "Varianted", but some of those in the communities... Wow, is all I can say.
They are so extremely bitter that you are just stunned, really, and they pick fights with everyone.

On the other hand, I have found that those that are, often lacks self irony and humor, which is both very important factors to handle the everyday life if it is a life that comes with more difficulties than usual(Discrimination, Body dysphoria, and so on).

So remember, folks; Humour, humour, humour and LOVE yourself.

Bottom line is that it's sadly just human nature for those that look, think, believe and or act differently to dislike the other person. Democrats/Republicans, Socialists/Capitalists, White/Black, Catholic/Protestant. The world we live in is a polemic one with positives and negatives. The important thing to keep uppermost in mind is Rodney King's pregnant question: "Can't we just all get along?" We each have to answer that in our own hearts on a daily case by case basis or we are just going to be mean people too.

Quote from: Axélle-Michélle on February 01, 2012, 03:50:56 AM
Aussies come with a cool gene, eh honey? :-)

Germans of course do not... and so sen wat vee hav here is falur to co-mmunicate, ja!

:-)
Axélle

Aha. An attack. :p

Actually, that's not true about Germans. My Mum can keep her cool just fine. ^_^
I however, cannot. Maybe because I am half German and half Scottish?

Well, maybe a 1/2 and 1/2 thing here also for me...
1/2 German and 1/2 US of A - with some Irish in it?

Now go tell me about the Irish 'cool gene' - without me cracking up :-)

Food for thought, yeah
Axélle

So let us not talk falsely now,
the hour is getting late.