few things on my mind.  i think this is an issue that concerns a lot of trans folk, since i've seen it come up a few times, this concern over whether or not you're decieving people, particularly love interests, and fear of them rejecting you out of feeling betrayed. 

i've always been attracted to men almost exclusively, but over the past couple of years i've become more and more interested in women, which has led me to question my orientation and to wonder exactly why i've been so attracted to guys, because now it feels like when i develop a crush on a guy, it's not really sexual, it's more like i'm so attracted to them because i want to be like them in some way, which makes me wonder if my previous interest has been due to this desire to emulate them.  i've had a really strong desire for a romantic relationship with a woman, to be there in the capacity of a man, to love them as a man... but there's part of me that wonders if this is because i've never experienced that before, which makes it a novelty, and i'm concerned i'd enter into a relationship only because it would affirm my gender identity, rather than coming from a genuine place of emotion. 

i've been talking to a girl online who has displayed interest in me, and i'm attracted to her as a person, but i don't want to develop anything if this is simply me needing to put myself in a male-female relationship to feel like more of a man, or if i'm genuinely attracted to her.  also, returning to my opening statement, i'm worried that if/when she finds out i'm trans, she'll feel like i haven't been entirely honest with her, although i understand that this is an issue that a lot of us have to deal with, and if she rejects me because of my body then she's not really worth my time. 

throw some input over, cheers.

Give it a try!!! You like it, so if both of you want more by this, simply don't overthink.

Hmmm, well I've always liked guys. I like guys as a girl.
I feel like I wouldn't mind going out with a girl though.
Like a good looking a girl who wears jeans and a sports bra when it gets warm.

Not sure why, but the attraction is there, and I would be bisexual if I found a girl to be with for a long time.
One of my friends is in this category, I like her, and she likes me in some way and said if I were a woman she'd probably date me. <3
I'd so go for it. : p

My wife didn't know I was trans and we were already in an online relationship before I told her.  I thought she would reject me, but she didn't care about my body - she said she'd have still wanted me even if she'd known from the start.

thanks girls. 

kreuz, that's awesome.  at what point did you feel it was appropriate to tell her?

i've always been attracted to men almost exclusively, but over the past couple of years i've become more and more interested in women, which has led me to question my orientation and to wonder exactly why i've been so attracted to guys, because now it feels like when i develop a crush on a guy, it's not really sexual, it's more like i'm so attracted to them because i want to be like them in some way, which makes me wonder if my previous interest has been due to this desire to emulate them.  i've had a really strong desire for a romantic relationship with a woman, to be there in the capacity of a man, to love them as a man... but there's part of me that wonders if this is because i've never experienced that before, which makes it a novelty, and i'm concerned i'd enter into a relationship only because it would affirm my gender identity, rather than coming from a genuine place of emotion.

i've been talking to a girl online who has displayed interest in me, and i'm attracted to her as a person, but i don't want to develop anything if this is simply me needing to put myself in a male-female relationship to feel like more of a man, or if i'm genuinely attracted to her.  also, returning to my opening statement, i'm worried that if/when she finds out i'm trans, she'll feel like i haven't been entirely honest with her, although i understand that this is an issue that a lot of us have to deal with, and if she rejects me because of my body then she's not really worth my time.



I certainly know how you feel there, Schism.
Practically everything you said is how I've felt for a while, save for the fact that I'm not as questioning as you are.

Firstly, I am personally very worried about getting involved with someone, and I have felt that I've been deceiving them, because when I didn't pass before, they would mistake me for a lesbian and I've have to go through this big confusing lecture of, 'I'm not a woman, I'm a man,' and of course, when they found that out, they wouldn't want anything to do with me (If you couldn't tell, I like women too) I do get concerned telling people that I'm trans, so that's usually one of the first that I mention if there's any capacity that I might like them romantically, or vice versa. I feel like I'm lying to them if I don't tell them right off the bat. For this reason, I've actually turned to a lot of online dating, because I can mention it in my profile and they don't have to contact me or reply to me if it freaks them out.

As for 'liking' men because I want to emulate them. This is also very true in my case. I get extremely jealous over cismen because they have things and qualities that I never will. Namely, a penis and the many fantastic things that a penis can do, but anyway. While I used to have a lot of guy friends, I've realized that I now have a very hard time being friends with men - since a lot of my guy friends still read me as a woman and treat me like one, and this pisses me off to no end. I can admit however when a man is very sexy, and I've made out with a few, and I don't mind that too much (I don't know if I could stand that again because the last guy I kissed was before I 'knew' I was trans) and I can't stand being treated as a girl.

But I do understand how it must feel to think that you only want to date a girl to affirm your status as a man. I would say, go for it. You'll never know if you don't try, right?

Quote from: schism on January 31, 2012, 03:20:58 AM
thanks girls. 

kreuz, that's awesome.  at what point did you feel it was appropriate to tell her?

When I couldn't hurt her anymore with excuses why I couldn't talk on the phone, etc.  I thought it was her right to know and make a decision.

lol.  fantastic penis things.

the problem with being open right off the bat is that it makes people percieve you differently, and i don't want to be seen or treated in any way other than a normal guy.  i was talking to my sister last night about it, she's one of the nicest people i know, she's incredibly accepting, but she said that she would want to know from the start and that she wouldn't want a relationship with a transguy, which sounds really narrow minded, and given that she's so accepting of everyone it kinda took me aback, like... well if she feels that way then how will any other accepting, genuine person feel about it.  she did go onto say that she wouldn't fully know unless she was in that situation, but hypothetically, i guess she finds the idea repulsive.  and i think there must be this widespread misconception or prejudice feelings towards transfolk.... i dunno.  it made me feel kinda subhuman. 

My wife said that before she met me, she would never have imagined that she could be attracted to a female-bodied person - not because she's transphobic, but because she isn't sexually attracted to the female body.  Maybe part of that mindset is a psychological aversion to what is perceived as sexual incompatibility.  In almost the same way as some people believing they'd never like raw oysters until they try them and enjoy them.  I agree that advertising yourself as trans does run the risk of activating that mindset of preconceived incompatibility with some people.  But besides, are we expected to walk into a pub or club wearing a sign that says "transman"?  Some women avoid telling their dates they have kids until the third date or so for similar reasons.

well exactly, this is what i said to my sister: cisgendered aren't expected to turn to the person they're attracted to and say hey, i've got a dick/vag, regardless of natural assumption, so why should trans people have to?  yeah, there comes a time when you need to be honest about it, it's just working out when that is.