I am 19 and a guy. I have known for several months now for certain that I should be a female and am one at heart. But, I just can't bring myself to transition because I would hate myself forever if I did it and it was painfully obvious that I was once a guy and would not be seen as a girl. If I can't pass as a girl, then I pretty much would rather live as a guy. I'm decent looking as a guy, but I have no idea about as a girl. I just don't want to live my life out worrying about passing and looking like what I feel I am, I would rather just "act out" the rest of my life as a guy in that situation. Maybe this sounds selfish or stupid, but I just don't want to stand out, I want to blend in with the crowds of girls and not worry about anyone else. I don't have to be hot or anything, just average looking enough to blend in.

So for any post-ops (or anyone on HRT for several months) do you feel happy with how you turned out? I don't mean mentally, just physically (I know mentally is most important, but that's not the point to this question) and what age did you do it at? If you want to post pics, feel free.

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 03:06:44 PM
I just don't want to live my life out worrying about passing and looking like what I feel I am,

Neither do I, so I don't. Some people obsess about this, I can't imagine worrying about -discovery- every day. My advice is try to get over this fear rather than trying to hide from it with surgery.

BTW this is called internalized transphobia, fear of being trans... It's a very common thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transphobia

I was in a very similar place to you when I was 18 and one thing that terrified me of transition was forever living as somebody who would be visibly a "->-bleeped-<-" to other people. However, I transitioned at 19 and now 24 and post op, I couldn't be happier, mentally or physically how I turned out. Even during the days of not totally passing, people tend not to react anywhere near as badly as you would imagine, and you will discover that accepting yourself and in turn others accepting you as you are, as a female is the most important thing, and passing is only secondary. However, I appreciate that at your stage, the prospect of looking like a "man dressed as a woman" is terrifying. However, with a few makeup techniques and the right clothes, you needn't look awful!

What I can say is - it'll probably turn out a lot less terrifying than you anticipate, and hormones can work well at your age - the main thing is to be sure of yourself.

As for hormone effects, here's me at the start of transition at 19, pre-hormones.



And me at 23 (1 year ago from now)



Hormones should improve and clear up your skin and make your features finer - so a thinner nose and jawline, and change the fat distribution with the skin around the eyes to make them look more 'open'.

Stephe, yeah I think that's probably right. Im perfectly fine with other people being trans, I just don't want to be if it means I won't pass or fit in.

Assoluta, you are very pretty. If I could look like you I would be happy haha

Yes, I am satisfied.  Very satisfied, actually.

And I never thought I would ever be able to pass.

And in addition to my avatar picture that was taken on my wedding day, just a few months ago, here are a couple of pictures of me pre-FFS.
http://sandrazee.blogspot.com/2010/02/before-and-after.html

I would caution you about internalizing the woman that you say you are and just "act out" being a guy.  I did that for 55 years and it came very close to killing me.  You may be able to find some help if you go to a gender therapist.  They could help you identify your feelings and your situation and perhaps give you pointers on how to proceed if that is truly your wish.

You *can* do it if you really want to.

-Sandy

Assoluta and Sandy

You know, you're both so beautiful, it could be a sin?

Quote from: spacial on February 01, 2012, 06:36:18 PM
Assoluta and Sandy

You know, you're both so beautiful, it could be a sin?

I hope so!

-Sandy

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 03:06:44 PM
I am 19 and a guy. I have known for several months now for certain that I should be a female and am one at heart. But, I just can't bring myself to transition because I would hate myself forever if I did it and it was painfully obvious that I was once a guy and would not be seen as a girl. If I can't pass as a girl, then I pretty much would rather live as a guy. I'm decent looking as a guy, but I have no idea about as a girl. I just don't want to live my life out worrying about passing and looking like what I feel I am, I would rather just "act out" the rest of my life as a guy in that situation. Maybe this sounds selfish or stupid, but I just don't want to stand out, I want to blend in with the crowds of girls and not worry about anyone else. I don't have to be hot or anything, just average looking enough to blend in.

So for any post-ops (or anyone on HRT for several months) do you feel happy with how you turned out? I don't mean mentally, just physically (I know mentally is most important, but that's not the point to this question) and what age did you do it at? If you want to post pics, feel free.

I'm 36 and I've been on hormones for about 9 months now and I'm more than happy with the way things are going so far.. I had a job interview the other day, one that I was attempting to go to in 'guy mode'.. Here's a question for you, have a look at the pic below and tell me how many people referred to me as male..



The answer is, only 1, the person who was interviewing me - and even he gave me a few puzzled looks.. I'm not a stunningly pretty woman, but I do successfully blend in.. And I know you were asking about the physical side of things, but the mental part is important too.. You need to have confidence in your identity..

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 05:58:54 PM
Stephe, yeah I think that's probably right. Im perfectly fine with other people being trans, I just don't want to be if it means I won't pass or fit in.

Blending in or 99% passing as I call it is -very- different than requiring being 100% passable in any situation or nothing. I blend, pass most of the time but if I'm read, I'm not ashamed of my past. It just is. Makes life a lot less complex, at least to me, being this way. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look nice and blend in as a normal woman. Most people with some work can pull that off.

Yeah, the way I see it I only have 2 options:
1) Transitioning and hoping to pass and become what I really want to be
2) Skipping the whole thing and living rather unhappy for the rest of my life

At this point, things are just escalating. I'm extremely depressed and I don't think I've physically spoken to anyone this last week, I just go to my classes then back to my dorm without speaking. I've become extremely antisocial and I know if I don't do anything I'm either going to end up completely cut off from society or extremely depressed.

I guess I had better see a gender therapist ASAP and figure all this out one way or another. A month ago I had the first thoughts I might be trans, a week and a half ago I thought I was almost for sure trans, and now I'm absolutely certain and depressed because I feel like either way everything is going to turn out terrible. I'm probably just assuming the worst and being pessimistic, but if I transitioned and I didn't pass at all, I would probably hate myself for life because I would be better off never doing it.

I don't know, guess I just need some hope and a few inspiring words is all haha

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 08:19:46 PM
Yeah, the way I see it I only have 2 options:
1) Transitioning and hoping to pass and become what I really want to be
2) Skipping the whole thing and living rather unhappy for the rest of my life

At this point, things are just escalating. I'm extremely depressed and I don't think I've physically spoken to anyone this last week, I just go to my classes then back to my dorm without speaking. I've become extremely antisocial and I know if I don't do anything I'm either going to end up completely cut off from society or extremely depressed.

I guess I had better see a gender therapist ASAP and figure all this out one way or another. A month ago I had the first thoughts I might be trans, a week and a half ago I thought I was almost for sure trans, and now I'm absolutely certain and depressed because I feel like either way everything is going to turn out terrible. I'm probably just assuming the worst and being pessimistic, but if I transitioned and I didn't pass at all, I would probably hate myself for life because I would be better off never doing it.

I don't know, guess I just need some hope and a few inspiring words is all haha

It's not going to be terrible and I've never met anyone who "couldn't pass at all" with some work and effort. Just be realistic about what you needs through all this and YES try to find a gender therapist!

I think younger girls think that passing is the most important thing in their transition.  Even to the point that they would't do it if they couldn't pass.  It is very different for myself, and older girls I suspect.  Being happy with myself is more important on how pretty I am.  I am happy for all the young girls trying to be as good as they can be.  It is just different having lived a lot if life and accepting who you are.

Samantha

I'm 1 year and ~ 8months on hormones (HRT), I'm into my 5th month post-op with Dr. Sanguan at PIH, on 20. Sept 2011 in Phuket.

I'm VERY satisfied - there is no need for any secondary procedures and I have been healing pretty well also.

I feel complete, bar for my smallish breasts... 38A.

I am now dilating only with 4 - 4.5cm vibrator (with veins and all :-) so width is no issue, - after a bit coaxing.
Depth is just over 4 1/2 inch and well within natal female range.

So again, am I satisfied? Oh yes, I am!

Axélle

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 08:19:46 PM
Yeah, the way I see it I only have 2 options:
1) Transitioning and hoping to pass and become what I really want to be
2) Skipping the whole thing and living rather unhappy for the rest of my life

At this point, things are just escalating. I'm extremely depressed and I don't think I've physically spoken to anyone this last week, I just go to my classes then back to my dorm without speaking. I've become extremely antisocial and I know if I don't do anything I'm either going to end up completely cut off from society or extremely depressed.

I guess I had better see a gender therapist ASAP and figure all this out one way or another. A month ago I had the first thoughts I might be trans, a week and a half ago I thought I was almost for sure trans, and now I'm absolutely certain and depressed because I feel like either way everything is going to turn out terrible. I'm probably just assuming the worst and being pessimistic, but if I transitioned and I didn't pass at all, I would probably hate myself for life because I would be better off never doing it.

I don't know, guess I just need some hope and a few inspiring words is all haha

When you look at the choices like that, perhaps it isn't such a complex a matter as it seems. I don't know what you look like, but chances are that at 19, you stand a good chance of passing even if you're tall or large etc. I know how it feels right now, I remember the first day out 'dressed' and I was on my way to a changing room to 'change back' to go home, and some guy on the phone to someone stopped his conversation when he looked at me and said "what the ->-bleeped-<-, some ->-bleeped-<-ing ->-bleeped-<- just walked past!". I never thought I'd be one of those people marginalised and labelled as a freak. I grew up as a white male, and had never known discrimination or marginalisation in such a way. I remember changing and looking in the mirror and crying, so daunted by the prospect. Was this what the rest of my life would be? Would it be one big huge trial? But something inside me compelled me to go on, to transition - I had to do it. If you feel the same, or similar, listen to that voice, it will help and guide you, and give you the strength and self assurance to be yourself, whatever that may be.

Even at the very worst, and you were totally unpassable, the option would be to be accepted by others and hate yourself, or mocked/hated by others but accept yourself - which do you think would eat you up sooner, if transitioning is what you want to do? And in any case, it's far less likely than you think that you will be ridiculed in such a way.

Quote from: ItachiUchiha on February 01, 2012, 03:06:44 PM
I am 19 and a guy. I have known for several months now for certain that I should be a female and am one at heart. But, I just can't bring myself to transition because I would hate myself forever if I did it and it was painfully obvious that I was once a guy and would not be seen as a girl. If I can't pass as a girl, then I pretty much would rather live as a guy. I'm decent looking as a guy, but I have no idea about as a girl. I just don't want to live my life out worrying about passing and looking like what I feel I am, I would rather just "act out" the rest of my life as a guy in that situation. Maybe this sounds selfish or stupid, but I just don't want to stand out, I want to blend in with the crowds of girls and not worry about anyone else. I don't have to be hot or anything, just average looking enough to blend in.

So for any post-ops (or anyone on HRT for several months) do you feel happy with how you turned out? I don't mean mentally, just physically (I know mentally is most important, but that's not the point to this question) and what age did you do it at? If you want to post pics, feel free.

You know, I would strongly advice you to start crossdressing in private, first buying clothes, skilling yourself in applying makeup, trying different hairstyles or wigs, learning how to walk in heels, and so on. If you got the guts, make a night out on the clubs, or even better, several nights out. Begin with gay clubs where you can feel safe and can handle the situation, as oblivious straight guys may after all come on to you if you go to straight clubs, which might create some problems pre-transitioned.

Take your time. That way, you will be able to know whether you will truly be passable and comfortable as a female and you will also know that you actually did give it a try, in the case that it would not be what you hoped.

in any case, please do not forget that the facial surgeries nowadays are so refined that they can make any male face look good.
Given, some faces will never be able to look passable, but it will atleast look loads better.

Although I doubt that you have impossibly masculine features, as you would most likely not even have given the transition-scenario a thought, if that were the case, according to your reasoning.

Hon, it is one of those things that you have to do. If you are starting at 19, you are likely to have a pretty good result. Hard to say really without seeing what you look like now of course. It is a leap of faith, but it is also one you can try and back out of if you don't like it. The only thing I can tell you for certain is that the longer you wait, the worse it will get for you. It will build and build until you can't go on as you are. The age you reach that is different for everyone, but if it takes years, the result you will get at that point is not likely to be better than what you can achieve right now.

I myself only dreamed of being passable. I was an overweight, middle-aged suburban dad that looked like this:



and now I'm the princess 




I pretty much pass 100%. Most people don't believe me if I tell them I'm trans. Still got some weight to shed though, sigh, but I've lost 70lbs so that I can get SRS. Dr. Bowers will be performing it this Tuesday, so I'll have to get back to you on the post-op side of your question 

Re: Post-Op, are you satisfied?

I thought this thread was about the SRS operation (post op) and if the surgery worked out or not regarding the physical workings of the new genitalia?

I'm not post op and have been in transition and full time for about 12 years. The operation scares me as I want it to work properly orgasm wise and for it to be successful. I assumed this thread was about the satisfaction of the actual operation.

Pass ability is a different subject altogether and there are people who have had surgery who pass and those you have also had surgery and don't pass.  Also some who haven't had surgery look totally female, so the SRS post op operation isn't about passing.

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on February 02, 2012, 11:32:06 AM
Re: Post-Op, are you satisfied?

I thought this thread was about the SRS operation (post op) and if the surgery worked out or not regarding the physical workings of the new genitalia?

They said a lot of things like "I just don't want to live my life out worrying about passing and looking like what I feel I am, " which isn't asking about post op functionality. Maybe they should start another thread and ask this more direct question?

Quote from: Stephe on February 02, 2012, 11:42:40 AM
They said a lot of things like "I just don't want to live my life out worrying about passing and looking like what I feel I am, " which isn't asking about post op functionality. Maybe they should start another thread and ask this more direct question?

I also understand that too! I sometimes worry that I'm not good enough to have the operation even though I can't stand my genitalia. I have had many years living as female but still sometimes think I'm not up to a certain standard even though I seem to go through life most of the time un read.

Wow, this got a lot of replies quickly, so I'll try my best here...

Assoluta: you are exactly right, I definitely should be looking at personal happiness before anything, it's just hard to make a blind leap like this knowing there is no going back if I hate the results.

Melody: that gives me a lot of hope, you are really beautiful

Naturally blonde and stephe: I meant with overall everything, and assumed that most post-ops would be almost done with the whole transition or very close to it. And I also said that people who were several months on hormones could answer. The title is more to bring post-ops in here to read and answer, and I tried to keep it fairly short and purposely didn't say anywhere about the SRS persay to keep it open to the full transition and overall results of HRT, SRS, etc. but I can understand how it's misleading haha sorry