Quote from: Ryno on February 05, 2012, 12:30:59 PM
About mental changes - I'm not on T yet so I only have estrogen flooding my body. But when I'm ovulating, you know, two weeks or so before Shark Week, I get really ... clucky. And sometimes I don't want to transition. I get sensitive, I think kids are wonderful and cute, I'm more likely to spend three hours watching cute animal videos, and I have no desire to be a man. I sometimes even think men are sexually appealing and that's just something I'm not cool with. So, I would say that yes, starting to take hormones can affect you mentally. And I cannot wait to start taking testosterone to end this fluctuating personality >.< Lucky for the MtFs on hormones, you have a steady dose rather than a fluctuating one so you can expect to be relatively stable once you've been on E for a while.

lol this is my world.. every, single, day. Plenty of information is out there on the theories of how estrogen effects the brain. It's not just "I can start being myself" ... I know who I was before E and I *guarantee* I'm not the same person.

Hi Tori

I was on Sustonen from age 21 to 31, stopped completely for 8 years and have now been on Reandron since Sept 2010.

The Sustonen was from memory (don't know if it still is) made up of 4 base elements that would peek and trough within a 4 week timeline.  I felt like my mind peeked and troughed along with it.  I didn't relate it to the hormones for years though.  Someone else did.  I decided to take a break from them, which unintentionally became 8 years but I was passing so was ok about it.  So after living with E for 8 years, T sure feels like it's putting me through a brain change. 

E was like having a million emotions all at once ALL the time that I never understood or knew what to do about.  Anxious like a rubber band pulled to almost snappng point all the time. 

Reandron (T) is like being on the right meds.  Like some chemical balance has taken place.  Things are either this or that, black and white.  None of the mental brain sludge in between anymore.  I don't feel confused by my own thoughts anymore.  The disquiet that used to push me to tipping points is buried under extreme contentment and happiness that has lasted for a year now.  As the T took over, the disquiet faded more and more.  The only thing that is able to disturb this is the well being of my daughter (21).  When she's ok, I'm ok.  I haven't experienced this for years.  I'm begining to bring back the personality I had as a kid when life was an adventure and I was positive with a fun sense of humour.  I still have humour but it's more of the in my own head.  Sharing it usually doesn't go down well.     I never felt this good on the sustonen. 

There have been days when I have broken due to crap in life but the recovery was much quicker.  I've also let go of a 26 year old friendship.  I woke up to the fact that it was VERY damaging to me and I'd been holding onto it emotionally if that makes sense.  They actually got really pissed off that they couldn't get me to respond emotionally when they started abusing the crap out of me.  It felt awesome to be copping it full on and to be able to let it slide right off me. 

I also spent last year pushing my limitations and consciously doing the opposite of what I'd conditioned in myself.  Saying yes to what I'd normally say no to etc.  It was fun and I re-established why I said no to things in the first place lol.

I went through all the emotions of the physical changes 20 years ago, so for me all that there really is this time is the mental brain change.  At first I questioned it a lot but realized it was the T so relaxed and went with it.

That's how it was for me.