Raymond
Instructor, Early to Bed

How to Bed a Trans Man
Posted: 02/ 7/2012 4:47 pm

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/raymond/how-to-bed-a-trans-man_b_1260862.html

You're a savvy queer who's been eyeing a hot trans guy at the monthly dance parties, or the regular cutie you see at all the fundraising events, but how you make the approach? We here at Early to Bed have had many customers ask for our help in flirting and consummating their crush on an FTM, so on Feb. 9 we're presenting a first-ever workshop, How to Bed a Trans Man, that covers this topic in detail. If you can't make it to the shop in person, lucky you, here are seven tips to help you up your seduction game and keep you from inadvertently offending (or just turning off) your date.

1. Don't use the word "->-bleeped-<-."

RuPaul loves it, but you're not on a date with RuPaul. The word is highly charged in the trans community because of its hurtful use in the past, and even if your date uses it to describe themselves or others, chances are when you say the word, you'll sound awkward at best, or a like an insensitive jerk at worst.

So what do trans guys here think of these tips? I guess it's directed mainly at those who self identify as gay or bisexual but probably a lot of it is universal. I think most of it seems common sense. I've gotten mild crushes on trans guys from a distance, but never in person, and I guess it's not very likely in NH, but if I do find myself in that position, I wouldn't mind some good advice.

You know what's missing? How to react when someone you've been dating comes out to you as trans and you don't want to be offensive or a huge turn-off or whatever.

For instance, assuming you're okay with it but let's say

a) You didn't know he was trans.
or
b) You did know (or suspect) he was trans for some reason. It seems obvious that you should leave it to the trans person to broach this subject when he feels it's time.
or
c) You're open to the idea but it's very new and you don't know for sure how it will work out and you want to be tactfully honest.

Also what seems to be a glaring gap in this advice is when it comes to sex. Eventually the subject will likely need to be broached and for a lot of gay guys, this is going to be new territory. I don't mean particular details, but more about how to approach the subject and what's okay to talk about, etc.

Um, the only thing on this list I would even consider "sexy" are the flirty compliments.
If anyone brought up my medical history and kept treating me like I wasn't a man, but something else, while I was trying to to sleep with them no less....I would be immediately turned off. It actually kind of turns me off when even my friends do it, so I think this is generally unacceptable...at least for me. & It goes beyond the stuff mentioned on that list. I guess what I'm saying is that I'd really like to think there's more to sleeping with us guys than respecting our identity and tossing about some flattery.

Oh well.

I think the article has good tips for interacting with transguys, but it seems almost like a "trans-->-bleeped-<-'s guide".  I know that some men are ok with being openly trans, but for myself I just want to be treated like a normal man and interacted with as a normal man.  I assume the article is aimed at bedding transguys who are out as opposed to stealth.  I would be uncool with the idea of someone looking to be with me because they're a trans-->-bleeped-<-.  That aside, these tips are really just basic good manners.  One of the best tips I could imagine wasn't mentioned - treat us like you would any other man.  Just my opinion.

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on February 08, 2012, 05:50:16 PM
I think the article has good tips for interacting with transguys, but it seems almost like a "trans-->-bleeped-<-'s guide".  I know that some men are ok with being openly trans, but for myself I just want to be treated like a normal man and interacted with as a normal man.  I assume the article is aimed at bedding transguys who are out as opposed to stealth.  I would be uncool with the idea of someone looking to be with me because they're a trans-->-bleeped-<-.  That aside, these tips are really just basic good manners.  One of the best tips I could imagine wasn't mentioned - treat us like you would any other man.  Just my opinion.

Seconded. That one about using only gender-neutral adjectives rubbed me the wrong way. Using masculine adjectives = treating him like a man, IMHO, while making a conscious effort to use only gender-neutral adjectives = treating him like a ->-bleeped-<-.

It only just occurred to me that the title is pretty off-putting. I was reading/interpreting it as "How to Date a Trans Man" and not "Bed".