I have to come out to my Mom so I can get a therapist. I'm doing it via email. >.> I feel cowardly doing it. I really do. But I can't do it face to face. Here's what I'm writing.

QuoteHey Mom, I just wanted to tell you about something that I feel you completely deserve to know about. I was trying to talk to you all weekend about it, but couldn't really find a good time frame where you were alone and we had the time to talk about it in depth. For the past few months I have been questioning my gender identity. I've come to a sort of conclusion that I identify as male, as a result of lots of research and ample soul-searching.

I've felt like I should be a guy for a long time now (pretty much all of my coherant life), and I didn't want to admit to myself that this may be something a little more than just normal fantasizing until around six months ago. So I want to know if you can bring me to a clinic where I can get a therapist who can help me sort this all out.

I didn't want to tell you because I know things have been pretty stressful with Jeremy and the baby and everything. I also was scared about how you'd react to my being gender non-comforming. So I kept quiet pretty much.

I was talking with Mrs. Stebbins (my school counselor) about it on Thursday, when she asked to see me about how I've been doing in my classes. I asked her about getting a therapist for gender issues and other things, and she said it was a good idea, and ignoring it would do more harm than good.

If I didn't feel it was kind of serious I wouldn't want to really see a proffessional at all, but my body image and everything has gotten so poor lately and it's stressing me out. I don't want you jumping to conclusions or anything, but we can talk about this more later. Please, not in front of Jeremy or anything, I don't really want anyone else to know if it's not nessesary.

Right now only you, Ms. Stebbins and two other friends know. I'm probably going to say something to Matthew this afternoon. Just sending this email has taken tons of weight off my shoulders.

I'll be checking my email at lunch, so if you reply before like 11:20, I can get back to you via email. Alright, see you later.

I'll post her reply if she actually emails me back...knowing her she'll probably just freak out and call me in class, or build up a rage built from confusion and denile...

Best of luck to you, man.

I just sent it. I'm filled with so many emotions right now. Happy because I sent it, freaked out at what she's gonna think and everything else. Well, today after school I'll be probably posting a reply, or telling you guys what transpired.

hope she isn't upset you didn't do it face to face,

mothers know when kids aren't 'right'

I did the same thing. I wrote my parents a letter. They didn't take it well, unfortunately. But that was like 5-6 years ago. Our relationship now is better than ever.

I wish you the best of luck.

QuoteDanielle - This is not upsetting to me what so ever.  What is most important to me is that you feel comfortable in your own skin.  You have NEVER since roughly 8 months of age been comfortable with "girlie" anything and I have always understood and acknowledged this it's really nothing new.  What I am starting to see is you having a negative body image when in fact you have a very nice figure which could be part of your gender issues.  Trust me no discussion is necessary in front of Jeremi, I will make you an MD appt for you today and you can discuss these issues with Dr. ******* and she can refer you to a therapist.  Also, I understand it is absolute priority to find you a fitting bathing suit for gym.

So, she seemed fine with it...although I didn't use the big T word (transgender or transsexual) so I don't know if she totally got it or not. But this response gave me a lot of confidence.

Now we tried talking about it face to face and she claims I'm to young to choose my gender. I wanted to say how gender identity manifests itself at age 3 and how I'm not choosing, it's something that's built into me. She's one hard headed woman, hopefully I can get a therapist who can back me up and make her understand.

She also said that I shouldn't research to deeply into the topic or delve too deeply into it. :/

I came out to my friend Matthew and though I don't think he understands perfectly, he's backing me all the way.

Bradd, from what I have read, you already know who you are.  Your mother sounds like she already knows this but is still somewhat shocked.  Sounds like a good therapist will do your mother more good than you   Its not as if being transgender is a choice... god who would choose how we all feel.

Best of luck
Hugs
Zaria

This makes me smile. 

Congrads on getting it out there! I'm happy you have the courage that I wish to gain soon. Best of luck!

Just a quick update on things I guess: I ended up getting a therapist, though she didn't know that transguys could be gay. She also is against me binding or anything until I'm 18, which is a bummer. The excuse she gives "Because your breasts are still forming and it will make the tissue lumpy and the top surgery won't look as good." Never read anything about that, weird. She also said I shouldn't be going on line and learning about trans related things because there's a lot of biased information out there. I feel like I want a new therapist, but I don't want to drop her because she's telling me things I don't want to hear.

I haven't come out to anyone else because I'm afraid my mother will try to do damage control and say it's just a phase. I pass pretty well, and every time I'm with her and get called a male she corrects them and says I'm just going through a teen crisis (has happened 10 times or more). It's a slippery slope, and I wish I could tell my doctor at least, but whatever.

I recently changed the name of my email and everything over to "Dane B. Secor" (Bradd is my chosen middle name for now) and I got this in response:

QuoteFact: If u were a boy I was going to name you Dane.  Dane was a hot ski instructer and my dad's bud in vermont that taught me to ski at Mt. snow when I was 5.  Ur dad was none too thrilled with the name.  It is also from the book Thorn birds.

So all in all things have been a strong luke warm alright since I've come out.

It sounds like you might need a new therapist: she didn't know that transmen could be gay?! Does she even know that gender identity and sexual orientation are separate?!

Seems that your mother's being tricky, but more through lack of understanding than being opposed. Good luck with it all!

Hey
I'm happy for you that you came out.
It was really cool idea to come out in e-mail. I must do it too. I'm to sensitive to come out face to face to my mum cause i'll be crying before i say anything