First off, sorry if this is the wrong section :|
Anyway, I just don't know what to do anymore with the girl anymore. I started going out with her a while ago, but honestly I never really considered it a relationship. To clarify she identifies as a lesbian and I have mixed feelings about that. She KNOWS that I am FTM and am looking into hormones and the works. I never really wanted to go out with her anyway, considering that she is/was my best friend. She's had a major crush on me for a while, which I'm fine with, but it honestly creeps me out. It creeps me out because she wrote stories about me and posted on a facebook page she owns with over 3,000 likes. I know the stories are about me, and what pisses me off the most is that she posted MY NAME in a few posts, told people how she's 'madly in love with me' and outted me to tons of people that I don't even know, posted my personal facebook picture on the wall and showing people 'how much of a hottie!1111!!' I am, and saying shiz like how I made an ugly girl. To be honest its disturbed me so much that I've ignored her for a while and then today broke up with her via text (classy, I know)... She doesn't know that I know about her wall, either. The only reason I found it was because I got bored and decided to google my name- I don't suggest doing that, by the way. Since I broke up with her today, she cut herself. At least that's what her wall said. I feel awful about it ...  I don't want to hurt her and I hate seeing her do that to herself and I want to help her, but I don't want to go out with her and I  creeped and enraged seeing how many posts she's made about me and the personal things that I've told her. Plus now all these random ass people are making ME look like the bad guy and like I should be stoned to death.

Am I justified to be pissed off?  Should I tell her about it..? I don't know what the hell to do, and I don't want her to harm herself over me or at all! I'm depressed as it is and knowing that I hurt someone this bad upsets me even more. I dislike making people feel bad, and I dislike feeling like I'm more of an awful person...

You are more than justified to be pissed off.  You aren't the bad guy.  I say tell her that you saw the wall and how you are very pissed over it because it was an invasion of your privacy and to do it without your permission is even worse.  You confided in her all these personal things and yet she has violated and broken that trust which isn't condusive to a good relationship. 

This reminds me of my ex so much and it's sad that it does - because it was a really bad relationship. First of all, the circumstance - we only started dating because she was best friend and wanted me to be into her and insisted that we try to hook up. She never identified as a lesbian, but I started to speculate she was with the way she treated me in the relationship. She knew I identified as male, but would refer to me as her girlfriend and use the wrong pronouns all of the time. I usually spoke up about how much it bothered me, but then she started criticizing my gender issues and called me selfish when I did. I got pushed around so much when I was in a relationship with her and let her say so many things I wish she hadn't about me  - DO NOT let something like this happen to you. I suggest you tell her what she is saying bothers you and to stand your ground as to why it does. You're not an awful person for wanting to escape from someone who you feel like is exploiting you and treating you a way you don't think you should be treated. You're right for breaking up with her if she was disclosing parts of your history that you wouldn't want talked about, especially since it was behind your back.

You're definitely not an awful person for breaking up with her.  Remember that you can't control her actions; she chose to self-harm--you didn't make her do it.  The facebook stuff is rather creepy tbh.  I know it sucks to have your name and info out there like that, but I think it's for the best that you broke it off with her.  From what you've told us, it sounds like she doesn't respect you or your privacy.

Try not to beat yourself up over this.  You're just looking out for yourself which is a good thing, especially in this situation.  It isn't your fault she hurt herself, that's on her.  I'd avoid contact with her for a while and stay away from her facebook too.  That will likely only cause you more grief/anger.

Quote from: Adio on March 05, 2012, 09:19:33 PM
Remember that you can't control her actions; she chose to self-harm--you didn't make her do it.

Try not to beat yourself up over this.  You're just looking out for yourself which is a good thing, especially in this situation.  It isn't your fault she hurt herself, that's on her.

This

I agree with you and the other guys here. Breaking it off was for the best. And think about it, she'd be pissed too if you posted personal stuff about her that was told to you in confidence. Friends/partners don;t do this. I've been outed blatently by a "friend" before, and I still hate her for it.

Thank you so much guys for your quick responses. I'll take your advice and talk to her about it. Even if I really don't want to I should attempt to at least stand up for my actions...

@Malachite, I'm going to take your advice and talk to her at some point when I'm less pissed at her so I can at least address my distress when I'm calm and not wanting to shank a small animal. Blahh...

Quote from: JasonRX on March 05, 2012, 08:41:52 PM
This reminds me of my ex so much and it's sad that it does - because it was a really bad relationship. First of all, the circumstance - we only started dating because she was best friend and wanted me to be into her and insisted that we try to hook up. She never identified as a lesbian, but I started to speculate she was with the way she treated me in the relationship. She knew I identified as male, but would refer to me as her girlfriend and use the wrong pronouns all of the time. I usually spoke up about how much it bothered me, but then she started criticizing my gender issues and called me selfish when I did. I got pushed around so much when I was in a relationship with her and let her say so many things I wish she hadn't about me  - DO NOT let something like this happen to you. I suggest you tell her what she is saying bothers you and to stand your ground as to why it does. You're not an awful person for wanting to escape from someone who you feel like is exploiting you and treating you a way you don't think you should be treated. You're right for breaking up with her if she was disclosing parts of your history that you wouldn't want talked about, especially since it was behind your back.

I'm sorry that you had to go through it too, mate. :\ and sadly that's pretty much spot on with what I'm going through with her now. She constantly refers to me as her GF, even though she already outted me so there's no reason too.. Blah. And you're completely right, I really should stop being so passive with my feelings to her and stand up for my multiple reasons as to why I cut ties with her.


_ _ _ _
@Adio, You're right- I can't control others' actions. Even if I feel horrible at being the cause behind her actions, I'm not the one that told her to. That was on her own impulse. I just hope she stops.. And again you're right, she doesn't seem to care about my privacy.

Agreed with the other lads, self harming is her own problem, there is only so much you can help a person

Stay strong, try not to pay attention to the childish crap. And eventually one tomorrow the problem won't seem so large

Quote from: JackSQLi on March 05, 2012, 09:57:39 PM

I'm sorry that you had to go through it too, mate. :\ and sadly that's pretty much spot on with what I'm going through with her now. She constantly refers to me as her GF, even though she already outted me so there's no reason too.. Blah. And you're completely right, I really should stop being so passive with my feelings to her and stand up for my multiple reasons as to why I cut ties with her.

Thanks for the support, dude. If you intend on posting here on the future, I'll be glad to help you out with any future issues or concerns you may have. Then again, I'm sure everyone here will.

I agree with everybody's responses and really don't have anything to add. You are justified in your actions. You might want to talk to her about it later, but not while she has so much emotional investment.

Your anger is completely justified. She violated your trust and privacy, and pushed you into a relationship you did not want, as well as made derogatory comments about you. You did not force her to self-harm, she had the control there. Quite frankly, mate, she sounds abusive and like she needs to seek help for her own issues rather than take them out on you.

My advice? Cut off contact with her, she doesn't sound healthy to be around. If she threatens with suicide or self harm, call the police and have them handle it. I don't know if she's seriously self-harming or not, but either way, you should never use it to make someone feel guilty about standing up for themselves. Self-injury is not a joke, and neither is suicide.

Quote from: Zerro on March 06, 2012, 04:42:03 AM
If she threatens with suicide or self harm, call the police and have them handle it. I don't know if she's seriously self-harming or not, but either way, you should never use it to make someone feel guilty about standing up for themselves. Self-injury is not a joke, and neither is suicide.

I am going to +1 for this because it is so absolutely 110% correct.

Jack, mate, I really sympathize for you. I have been in a similar conundrum in my previous relationship where she would not only persistently use incorrect pronouns when she knew it was upsetting for me, but she would still acknowledge the fact that I am transgender and would almost brag about it. She outted me to her parents (who were very intimidating people, mind you..) while we were on the brink of breaking up in hopes that I would thank her for 'making things easier for me' and then proceeded to tell me that she was so proud of me for coming out, whilst, still using incorrect pronouns, and previous to this conversation, had made an extremely offensive and upsetting comment about my transition.
When I threatened to ditch the relationship, she turned to threatening me with self harm. She told me she did it, and lied about it. Not to say that your friend here might not be serious, but it is nothing to joke about as Zerro so perfectly stated. It makes me so uncomfortable and angry when people try and use it as a mechanism to force someone to stay with them in fear just because they are so deeply concerned for their safety, which is separate to romantic/intimate feelings.

I think all the others fellas here have said all the advice I would probably think of otherwise and covered it well! I hope the situation is resolved in your best interest, mate. Be careful and make sure you take care of yourself and do what is best for you.

This advice is probably to late but you can still use it for the future.

Stop talking to her full stop.  She is a psychopath and nothing can ever be gained from trying to reason with a psychopath.  You need to think about yourself and your own sanity and walk away.  Find someone who displays the correct attributes in a relationship.  Mutual respect, care and support.

If she tries to talk to you or manipulate you can, tell her in stern no nonsense terms that you want nothing to do with her.  You don't even need to list why because she won't listen.  Just walk away and don't look back.     

Quote from: Squirrel698 on March 06, 2012, 12:30:28 PM
This advice is probably to late but you can still use it for the future.

Stop talking to her full stop.  She is a psychopath and nothing can ever be gained from trying to reason with a psychopath.  You need to think about yourself and your own sanity and walk away.  Find someone who displays the correct attributes in a relationship.  Mutual respect, care and support. If she tries to talk to you or manipulate you can, tell her in stern no nonsense terms that you want nothing to do with her.  You don't even need to list why because she won't listen.  Just walk away and don't look back.     

This This This This This This This This This  ^

Urrgh

i rarely post or come
here anymore but this thread make me realise i am that same cwazzy person

i verry much you manage to find a happy place though

they have all given you the best advice

Thank you all so much for your advice, guys. It means a lot to me knowing that you took your time to help me with this. If it matters I'm going to end up talking to her about why I'm pissed at her in a civil way without wanting to kill someone. Hopefully that goes well, and if not it doesn't matter because I do not plan on talking with her again. I just want to at least attempt to educate her a little bit, even if she is too thick to understand it because at least then I can say that I tried. If she did end up self-harming then I might possibly tip off the school psychologist if it's really bad, because even if she is a psychotic one I can't just walk away and let her do that to herself. Hell, I wouldn't let anyone self-harm because I've been down that path and I know that it sucks. But I don't know if I will because I don't want to make anything 'worse' for her even despite the fact that she brought this on herself (sorry if that sounds harsh x.x)

And wow, it really shocked me to see how you guys have had pretty much the same experiences. I'm sorry you guys had to go through these horrible types of relationships, because I know how mentally exhausting they can be even if my experience is no where near as bad as what it could be. Again sorry you had to go through that :/

Blah, I say sorry too much... And I'm too soft I think. Ah well.. Least I know I can rage pretty badly when it comes to LoL.