Just thinking about how i feel unloved and ugly and being depressed, i've just had the worst nightmare and i feel like hell. Everyday i go from happy to sad, with no point at all, the only thing that drives me is wanting to be pretty and i feel ugly which get's me depressed, why do i do this to myself, worse it always feels like everybody hates me. Just ranting, sorry...i know the last three threads here are by me, i hate that that too .

Depression sucks, am i really not ugly?! is it all in my head or do i see something everyone else doesn't?!

It's all in your head.. You are not ugly.. 

People never see themselves the way everyone else does, hon.

You're stunningly gorgeous. That's as simply as I can put it. And if you could step outside yourself and look at yourself objectively from that perspective, you would see it too.

But me telling you that won't make any difference because the voice in your head will just tell you "Oh, she's just saying that. She doesn't mean it." Depression will do that to you. It plays on your fears, your doubts, and exploits your weaknesses. That's the nature of the beast. Because as you say, what drives you is wanting to be pretty, that's what the depression will pick up on. The more you want something, the more it tries to convince you that you can't, or don't have it.

The thing you have to realise, as hard as it can be sometimes, is that these dark feelings you're having aren't you, and they aren't accurate. If you wanted the sky to be blue, they would tell you it was green. If you wanted to write a novel, they would tell you that you're illiterate. A magnification of all the negative aspects that lurk at the back of your mind.

And such a state of mind is like wearing glasses that filter out all the positive events that happen to you, and only allow the negative ones to get through, you know? They're the ones that you pick up on, and that just makes things worse.

Hon, there are lots of ways you can treat depression, to give yourself back that beauty on the inside, which will allow you to see the beauty on the outside too. It's not you, and you can put it back where it belongs. Have you thought about maybe talking to your gp or someone about some treatment methods for it? It doesn't even have to be medication, there are several methods available that just involve talking to someone.

*hug* Whatever you decide, and however much this may not matter, you're not ugly. Not by a long way.

Thank you both, my life just feels so bleak sometime...i've felt this way since i was 11-ish (having the depression and feeling ugly). It's sad to think i don't know how to live any other way, every time i watch an ad and i see some model/actress (female of course), i start to think "I wish i wasn't so ugly" , i feel like i'm crazy sometime, i just want to be beautiful...am i mad?

Donna get a new mirror...or go to a strange town for a couple of hours and see how well you will pass among strangers.

You're not ugly at all, not even close.

Like you, I've been feeling unloved and depressed for the past two weeks, but every time I log on to Susan's, I am reminded of all the people on here who care about me and love me-a random guy they've never met before- and that makes me feel a lot better...I hope it makes you feel better too =)

WOW Sephirah

What you said +1

You nailed depression on the head. Now i we could print that out and have it handy whenever 'D' has a go at us. We can be victorious over it; forever.

And no Donna. You are very beautiful.

'Shorty', log on as many times as you need. Know you are loved :icon-hug: and respected round here.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Thanks all ,

QuoteAre you undergoing any therapy? Perhaps it would help if you had someone in the same room as yourself who you can discuss the issues with and get instant feedback? Forums are OK, but there is nothing like having real people and dealing face to face. My last session had me in tears but afterwards I felt a lot better.

I know but my therapists is weird, he asks like one question makes a few statements and then end session.

Quote
Donna get a new mirror...or go to a strange town for a couple of hours and see how well you will pass among strangers.

I've done that twice, i get glances....i've been told that is good, one part of my recent feelings of ugliness i think has something to do with a nightmare i had a day ago, about transphobia and me suffering from it on a face to face (in the dream anyway). I fear if i am not pretty nobody will like me, like i said being pretty is something i want so badly but i feel so ugly,  my therapist (current) just tells me "I'm pretty" and kind of stops the discussion there, he looks like a very nice man so i don't know if he's being nice or he really means it or something .

he means it.  start believing him.  go live a young girls life.

You are just broken, that's all. It happens. Hang on and rebuild, if you think you're worth it. You have to think you're worth it.

QuoteThe sad truth about the world is that nobody in the street really cares enough to be bothered by ANY of us. It is not a case or like or dislike, it is not a case of pretty or not, they simply have too many other things occupying their minds, they have too many other things to do. It does not matter whether it is me or you or some other trans woman, ordinary people have too much else to worry about.

You are torturing yourself over a problem that does not exist.

Just keep passing and your confidence will build and other people will be drawn to you because people like confident individuals.

Funny thing is, he almost said the exact same thing. I just want to be pretty , i feel like a monster sometimes....being just under 6'0 doesn't help either.

edit - Thanks guys .

Quote from: Sephirah on March 05, 2012, 06:22:54 AM
You're stunningly gorgeous.
But me telling you that won't make any difference because the voice in your head will just tell you "Oh, she's just saying that. She doesn't mean it." Depression will do that to you. It plays on your fears, your doubts, and exploits your weaknesses. That's the nature of the beast. Because as you say, what drives you is wanting to be pretty, that's what the depression will pick up on. The more you want something, the more it tries to convince you that you can't, or don't have it.

The thing you have to realise, as hard as it can be sometimes, is that these dark feelings you're having aren't you, and they aren't accurate.  If you wanted the sky to be blue, they would tell you it was green. If you wanted to write a novel, they would tell you that you're illiterate. A magnification of all the negative aspects that lurk at the back of your mind.

And such a state of mind is like wearing glasses that filter out all the positive events that happen to you, and only allow the negative ones to get through, you know? They're the ones that you pick up on, and that just makes things worse.

Hon, there are lots of ways you can treat depression, to give yourself back that beauty on the inside, which will allow you to see the beauty on the outside too. It's not you, and you can put it back where it belongs. Have you thought about maybe talking to your gp or someone about some treatment methods for it? It doesn't even have to be medication, there are several methods available that just involve talking to someone.

What more can be said??

Huggs
Catherine

I know what she said is right but my mind won't let me go out, brave it and do it for long. I hear people tell me i'm pretty and i'm happy, then i just get sad out of nowhere and think "no you're not, who are you kidding?"....i hate it, i wish that i can feel pretty outside and everything will be alright 

Hey Donna,
The good news is, you're 99% there.
There are two keys, in your reply, that if you use them, you'll be victorious. Never to return to the dark side ever again.

Quote from: DonnaTroy on March 06, 2012, 08:16:09 AM
I know what she said is right

Keep a firm hold on that though and feeling associated with that statement. Don't let go of it.

Quote from: DonnaTroy on March 06, 2012, 08:16:09 AM
but my mind won't let me go out,

YOU, control your mind. Your mind DOESN'T control you.  You tell it what has to be done. It obeys. Don't have it tell you, what to do.

Quote from: DonnaTroy on March 06, 2012, 08:16:09 AM
"no you're not, who are you kidding?"

Immediately, any thoughts like this comes anywhere near you concious recognition. STOP it. Turn it immediately around with a positive reinforcement statement like "YES I am. I am happy. Yes I am good looking.
This is a psychological muscle you must begin to exercise. Any form of negative MUST be proactively disengaged with an immediate positive response. Fill your head with positive reinforced statements like Yes I can, I am pretty. I can do this. I am strong. I am a winner. Soon the negative will abate and no longer haunt you. I can personally guarantee this
We are not talking rocket science here. Just one very simple action and one very simple choice.
The action? Control your mind, don't let it control you. The choice? A very simple decision. Negate every negative with an immediate positive. 
I know you can do this. You said so your self. Your opening statement proves it.

Be safe. well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Quote from: DonnaTroy on March 06, 2012, 08:16:09 AM
i wish that i can feel pretty outside and everything will be alright 

No, hon listen to me. What you have to do in order to get past this is to get back to feeling pretty inside. Once you can do that, then outside will follow naturally. When you get back that inner beauty then it's like throwing a stone into a pond and watching the ripples spreading out. It affects other aspects of your life.

There are a lot of causes of depression, one of which is an underactive thyroid gland. So the first step might be to go and get a blood test done to see if that's the cause of the way you're feeling. If it is, then you can get that treated and you may be surprised by the changes in your mood.

If it isn't, however, then there are still lots of things you can do to combat these feelings and put them back where they belong.

Another thing that often affects the way you're feeling is what you eat and your diet. Sugary foods, chocolate, alcohol, caffiene etc... these can all exacerbate feelings of depression. Not to mention that they can make you feel really self-conscious about yourself if you start gaining weight for example. And that just makes things even worse and it turns into a vicious cycle as you comfort eat to feel better, and afterwards feel worse, you know? So maybe cutting down on any of those things will also help.

I'm terrible for coffee, and notice sometimes the effect it has on my mood.

But anyway, the point is, if any of this applies to you then a few simple changes may have you feeling better relatively quickly. Drink more water and eat more fruit and vegetables. Bananas are supposed to be good for helping to combat feelings of depression because they contain tryptophan, an amino acid which boosts your brain's serotonin levels (the feel good hormone). So maybe try eating a few more of those in your diet and see if you start feeling any better.

Also, exercise is good for boosting serotonin levels, too. With an added benefit of, well, obviously improving your overall state of health. So maybe another thing you can do is go take a walk once a day, get some fresh air and give your muscles a workout. Doesn't have to be anything strenuous.

With regard to the possible psychological causes of you feeling the way you do, it's not really appropriate for me to give you advice on that so much. That's better left to a professional who can talk to you face to face and work with you in a more personal manner. But the other things, well, they're things anyone can do which have been shown to help improve mood and may go some way towards alleviating depression.

And hey, it can't make you feel any worse, right? So what do you have to lose?

When all's said and done, hon, you have to be in a place to feel good about yourself before anything else. In order to believe someone when they tell you you're pretty, you have to first know it instinctively yourself.

*hug*

I wish you all the best and I really hope that you feel better in whatever way is most appropriate to you.

Just as a final note, Catherine is spot on with what she's saying. Positive affirmation goes a long way. And it's well worth trying. Something only has power over you while you're prepared to let it. There's only one person in control of your life and who you are.

You. Not the depression.

Quote from: DonnaTroy on March 05, 2012, 05:45:33 AM
Depression sucks, am i really not ugly?! is it all in my head or do i see something everyone else doesn't?!

you're not ugly donna, you pass and are actually very pretty.
I know how you feel though, cos i feel the same way about myself.

Quoteyou're not ugly donna, you pass and are actually very pretty.
I know how you feel though, cos i feel the same way about myself.

Thank you, i was feeling kinda low and seeing a new post in this old thread made me smile, also it seems i forgot to thank everyone previously, so here THANKS! -HUGS-

lol im glad i brightened your day a little
I hope you feel better about your self soon.

I say this with love and respect to you Donna.

Thinking you're ugly is just a way of not thinking about something else.

Can I ask you, what did you feel, the last time you left your house and walked down the street?