so, life exploded all over me... things are pretty damn awesome right now.  met this amazing girl at my local lgbt group, we've been spending every minute of our spare time together over the past couple of weeks.  it's a very intense friendship, and i like what it is right now, experiencing this thing, however it develops.  so we're going out in liverpool this weekend for st paddys, her hometown.  here's the issue about which i'm kinda caught up on.

toilets.

the ever oppressive realm of the latrine.

i quit going out nearly eight years ago after i stopped the drugs and moved away from my old social groups, so i haven't had this particular issue where nightclub bathrooms are involved.  i've been using male bathrooms almost exlusively over the past fortnight, because i've had the confidence to do so.  this girl knows i'm trans, sees me as a guy, uses male pronouns and my male name exclusively, so it's really blown away any apprehension over using the bathrooms i want.  however i don't really know if it'd be safe for me to use male bathrooms in an environment where people are gonna be incredibly drunk, when i'm not completely passing.  i don't want my night to be chipped away at by my dysphoria and self-consciousness knowing i'm presenting as a guy then having to use female bathrooms, especially since alcohol goes right through me- i'm not gonna be drinking much (i don't really want to get drunk, plus this girl is teetotal and i want to be on the same level as her), but i will have a couple.  we'll be hitting some gay bars, which i'm sure will be safe, but we're also going to a bigass metal club and probably some other local bars, which i'm feeling a bit concerned about.  i don't want the dysphoria.. i can already feel myself cringing... but i don't know if it'll be a risk going into the guys'.

Difficult for me to say cause I've never been to a bar (underage) but because alcohol impairs people's judgement that may work to your advantage. They might not be analytical enough to read you as female if you're presenting as male.

I'd just go in, project confidence as though you belong there, do what you have to and get out. That's just me, though.

I've yet to go clubbing, and for the same reasons as you o.o. Recovering drug addict, moved away when I quit, stayed away from the social scene for the most part :'P. Anyway, I'd use a stall XP.

Hey Schism,

First off, congratulations on this new friendship/relationship that seems to have fallen on you, it sounds great and she herself sounds really cool.
  Ive been around Liverpool and been out there, and although Ive been on T a while, I still had the worrying about encountering trouble in the toilets, as Liverpool was new to me, so not a comfort zone at all.
But I honestly think you will be fine. If I were you, I would continue to use the male bathrooms (or ofcourse, if theres disabled ones, you could go for them). But by the sounds of it, you will be in places that arent places youd really need to worry - lgbt and metal places. I tend to view metalheads and rockers as less judgemental of others that they may question, compared to more "funboys" and "chavs" if you know what I mean :p
  I hope all goes well for you. Just keep that extra boost of confidence that being with your new friend gives you
And if youre not feeling too comfortable, you can always move on to another place.

Quote from: poptart on March 14, 2012, 04:56:48 AM
Difficult for me to say cause I've never been to a bar (underage) but because alcohol impairs people's judgement that may work to your advantage. They might not be analytical enough to read you as female if you're presenting as male.

I'd just go in, project confidence as though you belong there, do what you have to and get out. That's just me, though.

Kinda my thoughts exactly. I mean, first off, men's rooms are a get in get out kind of thing, so no one's going to be paying attention on that count. Secondly, drinking blurs vision, haha, so you might get called 'pretty boy' at the worst. Also, I doubt the guy with his head in the toilet is going to notice anything... at all... So you should be fine *thumbs up*

And congrats on your cool new relationship!

Stick to places popular with students, perhaps? They usually don't take nearly as much notice, and if they do, are in general a relaxed crowd.

poptart- yeah i was kinda thinking that the alcohol might work to my advantage, but at the same time, if i was clocked, it could make any reaction ten times worse. 

taco- for sure i'd use a stall... no stp, and even if i did, fiddling around with one after a couple of drinks sounds really awkward and a recipe for drenched pants.

good- thanks man, i'm having a lot of fun right now.  she seems really into me, although i'm pretty skeptical as a person and have had enough experience to keep a respectable guard up.  i'm not gonna allow myself to get hurt again in any way, so i'm just allowing myself to enjoy this experience for whatever it is without throwing myself into the emotions i can feel dragging at me.  i kind of feel like now that i know who i am i have this fine control over my emotional state and i have the ability to observe myself and my situations and make calm decisions encompassing every aspect of my life, whereas in the past i've been this crazy eruption without boundaries.  she's incredibly affectionate- spent the past weekend at hers for a dvd night, and slept on the couch with her snuggling up to me... and it's weird, because i'm so guarded with my personal space that anyone coming into it makes me pretty uncomfy, but i don't notice her in it, like she's a natural extension of my own energy.  but she's also on a break from a relationship with this other guy, so i'm aware of that and her connection with him and that i might be a novelty buuut it is what it is.  we're having a good time, that's all that matters. 

ramble ramble. 

stix- thanks dude.  echoing what i said to poptart.

bear- possibly.  we got our night planned out though, really wanting to hit the krazy house, haven't been to a bigass metal club in a long, long time.

Three things:

1. Congrats on the new friendship!

2. I know what you mean about not so readily allowing people in your personal space, but if it's the RIGHT person, they just sort of are an extension of your energy. I have that exact feeling with my gf, and I could not describe it. Thank you for giving me the words. I told her, When I'm with you, it's just like being with myself. But, that wasn't exactly correct!

3. I love Liverpool. Just sayin'.