Well mom made sure to start my day off right. She calls this morning to tell me she wants me to shave my legs/pits, grow my hair out, and start wearing skirts again. She says she refuses to believe I can be trans because I wore dresses as a little kid. I don't remember too much about that, but I do remember when I discovered I could dress like a boy I fought hard with my mom to stay that way (eventually she won). Thoughts? I really appreciate the insight. I envy you guys that always knew.

Even if you did like wearing them at the time, there are plenty of dudes out there who experimented wearing girl clothes as a kid.
I know my young cousin did experiment alot with heels and makeup when he was small but now he dresses like a normal boy.

So your mom's logic still doesn't make sense.

All trans people knowing since they were little is a stereotype, since I know it isn't true for me.
I knew in my early teens.

As JoeyD stated, even some cisguys have worn dresses before.  It's just a piece of clothe from the past....

Speaking of that you could just tell your mom to look towards the future and not the past

OR

Does she wear pants?  If so you could just say shes trans because a long time ago not that many women wore pants.  Most wore dresses.

Has she ever worked at a paying job?  Mostly men did that many many years ago and it was considered unlady like by most to work so if she did work surely she must have been trans?


Of course this is just sarcasm but do you see my point? 

Just ignore her.  You are an adult and no matter what she says she wants you to do you don't have to do it.  Don't worry so much about what she says.  Parents will cling to anything they can recall about their child acting like their birth sex as a child to give themselves hope that it's a phase. 

Hey everyone, thank you for the feedback. I know I should just ignore her, but she's my mom and probably the most important person in my life. Her complete support would mean the world to me because I need it figure out if this is right. And when she says things like that, especially since I'm soo confused (something I know she's taking advantage of), I can't help but wonder if she could be right. It just makes me feel like a crazy person.

It may take a while for her to come around, my mother took a long time to accept it, and will take longer to call me by proper name and nouns. It is how it is for some people.

It is a painful thing for her to hear as well. Some parents may refuse to believe it and she seens to be in a negation phase. What you can do is remain firm in your gender role, be patient and be caring.

Parents tend to buy their kids the clothes they want them to wear from a young age. If you wore dresses and skirts before you could buy your own clothes or even if you opted to wear them for whatever reason, it still doesn't determine your gender. I wore a lot of frilly dresses as a little kid because I had no concept of fashion and really had no say in what my parents picked out for me. I don't remember caring much beyond hating having my legs exposed. Felt weird.

As I got older, I voiced my desire for guy's clothing and got to wear it, but I was still expected to wear skirts and dresses for formal things, and since I was still a kid...I didn't really have a choice there, because more often than not, the kid has to go along with their parents' desires. I've even had a period in my life where I've voluntarily worn women's clothing(haha trying to repress things is not fun, man), but that sure as hell didn't make me a girl.

If your mom's in denial, that's her issue to deal with. Roll your eyes at it and go about your business, if you can. She can't tell you if you're a boy or a girl because she's not you.

Were you able to buy all your clothes as a kid?  Pick out which ones you could wear?  Probably not.  Most parents put their "daughters" in dresses without the child's say in the matter.  Doesn't make you any less male because you wore dresses.  Clothes, hair, etc don't decide someone's gender.

I know she's the most important person in your life.  But this relationship sounds toxic to you.  Perhaps you should distance yourself from her for the time being.

I remember when my mother use to do that...Took her a few years to realize it was a lost cause XP. She's still wary about the suits though :'P. I know the pain of telling mommy no @_@. Even when they're not guilting you, you're guilting yourself xD. It's worse when grandpa's a pastor and the 10 Commandments haunt you ;_;. It's gonna be hard and it will take time, but you just gotta learn to ignore her. When my mom rants, I just sing the song that never ends in my head or replay an episode of Mad Men (again, in my head) :'P. Listen just enough to know when to respond.

I know, it's mean and a bit sexist, but it prevents you from being nagged to death @_@. She's your mom and you gotta respect her, but remember no one knows you better than you :'P. By the way, if dresses made you a girl, then why did my brother get pissed on my 5th birthday party because he couldn't have a pretty new dress like me? xD He insisted his have dinosaurs :'P. Today he's 20 and he still jokes about wanting the dinosaur dress.

You could just tell her she is wrong and really doesn't know what she is talking about, or would she rather you did drugs from the stress of trying to live the wrong life, and have an early death?
She's an adult, she'll get over it.  I survived the stuff my kids pulled.

Karen.

Quote from: KyleXX on March 28, 2012, 05:54:25 PM
Hey everyone, thank you for the feedback. I know I should just ignore her, but she's my mom and probably the most important person in my life.

First of all, it is great that you respect your mother that much.  The long term issue though is this - are you going to live your life with the aim of meeting the expectations of your mother, or with the aim of being who you think you are?

There is fulfillment either way but you need to make peace with yourself with whichever decision you make.  Most parents will pretty much love their kids unconditionally - if you chose transition, the chances are that she will eventually come around and accept you.