hey!
Im planning on transitioning as soon as possible, but im also planning to go to university pretty soon. I could try to transition while i attend it, and i will try to find an able therapist, but i probably wont get far (also i should make sure that i actually finish university... somehow right now a stable future seems more important than a happy future). To not create any problems id better attend university as a male.
But, hey that doesnt mean that i cant strive to live a female life in private. I'd just have to come out eventually to my possible roommate and visit regularly a therapist.
But im wondering if it would be good to do a full HRT.
If i pass all those university years without going fulltime, my breasts, that would eventually grow, would get noticeable, for example at our pool at home (my parents would definately want me to visit them every small and big holidays, and im pretty sure i wont have any good excuse to not to go) or at any other place where i cant wear a baggy pullover. and well thats actually my only big worry about HRT
But i still want to do something, at least to stop me from getting any more male (doctors once gave me testosterone shots to jump start my late puberty, which worked to at least make my face, hands, feet and a certain thing down there more male. but my growth cant have finished completely, as my facial hair growth is still at a minimum)

basically what im trying to say/ask: would it make sense/work out to at least only take some kind of T-blockers? what kind of changes can i still expect with only that? would it successfully stop my body from getting any more male?



*sigh* i just want to transition already... heck if i was sure i would never again have to appear male i would just do it all without worry about what others might think (i have earned my transition and wont let anyone ruin it ... ).

You should see a therapist and maybe they could recommend a course of action. However, anything you do will bring about mostly permanent changes including breast growth, there is no way to just turn off one thing without effecting something else, our bodies just don't work that way.

Anti-Androgens without estrogen result in andro-pause and will result in breast growth, but all sorts of bad things as well if it is sustained to long.  Estrogen needs to be there, even at low doses.  But your body will change, without question either way.
You really should talk to a therapist and try to plan things out. 

*sigh* so not possible... yeah, lets see what the therapist has to say, though im not really seeing any alternative

I hope you can find someone to talk to about this, such as a therapist.

I know of a few people who've tried to live as "male" while taking HRT, however, as they changed people noticed and it created problems. It also had quite a toll on psychology -- it's not easy to live part-time when you feel you should be full time.

To be honest, if you have a strong desire to transition it's not going to get easier over time. I tried that route and it didn't last long -- I only felt very miserable.

So, anyway, I'd really think about it and think about what you want -- that's not always easy if you feel you have to live up to everyone else's expectations of how you should be. You can only be happy if you be who you are.

I've been there, I lived several years after high school trying to do what everyone expected me to do. When I was younger, my family was aware of my GID, and when I wanted to transition after I graduated I was pushed into church councelling. That was a joke -- no matter how hard they tried, and no matter how hard I tried for them and my family, I couldn't change who I was... instead I ended up depressed, I tried killing myself several times, and spent several years very messed up in a self-destruct mode, going in and out of hospitals.

For me, I eventually came to the point that I had to do something about my GID. It was that or continue in misery and suicide. I took years for me to re-build my self-esteem, my confidence, and my life in general before I went on HRT and lived full time. It took time to heal from my earlier tragic experiences.

Now that I've made the transition, however, I realize that it has been the best decision I've ever made. I'm happier, I'm balanced, and I no longer have the desire to be self-destructive. My confidence, self-worth and self-esteem, have also greatly improved. I'm finally being who I am, it's a great feeling!

Not all of my family talks to me, although some have started to talk to me again -- while others still show their strong approval. In all of this, I realized that I can't live for someone else; I only could live for myself.

Now, that's my path and experience. For you it could be different. Some people are able to live a life as an effeminate male, while others can cross-dress from time to time and be fine. While others, like myself, get to the point where they know that fully transitioning is the only real option.

It's not easy -- I've lost jobs, I've lost friends, and I've lost family members. But what I gained in the end was worth it; I found more friends than I've ever had in my entire life (and my true friends stuck with me the entire time), I feel much better than I have ever in my entire life, and I'm finally me -- something I've been waiting for my entire life. As the months go by, I find that things are working out and things aren't as scary as I thought they would be.

Would I transition again if I could go back in time and start over? Yes, I defiantly would.

So, really, any advice I'd give to you is to really do some self-reflection and figure out what you really want to do. Talk with a therapist if needed about how to execute your transition.

Good luck **hugs** I hope you figure out which direction you are going.


--natalie


PS I've been living full time for 8 months, in case you're wondering.

The thing is I did the latter.  I concentrated on school and tried to ignore the gender identity issues until I could find stability in my life.  The truth is it has major downsides, and it really depends whether you can handle it.  I handled it quite well as I found the job security with an organization where I can transition, and now I am 28.  The downside...I lost hair on my head, which is a big deal.  The emotional effects started to take thier hold when I was in law school obtaining my JD. 

From what I heard it is easier to transition in an academic setting above all other places.  But that would require telling your parents, which is above all difficult and sometimes impossible. 

This is a difficult balancing act and sometimes one has no choice but to hold things off. 

thank you for your answers (and stories ).
it probably really isnt a good idea to transition while still appearing in public as male, but its just so frustrating to know that every day that passes my body will get more and more male...
i probably wont try killing myself if i dont transition, for several reasons, but yes i will probably get very depressed...

im just afraid that if i'd transition at university, not only could i be thrown out (well its always possible), or my parents would force me to change to an university where they can more easily watch what im doing. as far as i know my parents, they wouldnt ever stop talking to me, but they would try everything to change my opinion. But as i said if i wouldnt have to go back to male for anything, im sure my natural stubbornness would get me through it.

would i try to transition earlier if i could go back to a less difficult time? actually im not sure. i really really would like, but i would miss out on a lot of spiritual and intelectual growth, i probably wouldnt even be ready for it. so maybe transsitioning a little later isnt that bad, but as i said theres the worry about my body changing to worse.
i know that i want to transition, as crossdressing does help me calm down, but i always feel thats not enough. i feel like going out there and just be what i think might be the real me (and not a mixture of all things i should be as a boy). Of course i dont know much about crossdressers and they possibly also like to go out there and be female for a while. Its just a matter of knowing where exactly i am on the gender spectrum. probably near the middle, but more to the female side or male? considering my whole life of dreaming to become somehow a girl, i would say more to the female side.

but, well my question about HRT was answered and so i guess this topic is finished. (unless of course anyone wants to say anything, and people here dont mind this going completely off-topic )

Anaya,

Like has been said so many times you really need to find some to talk to about all of this.  The only other way I can relate is to tell you a story.  After I came out to my former wife and decided that transition was the only way I started on T-blockers and low dose estrogen.  Trying to figure out what I was going to do about my job (I was a salesmen and had many customers) for three months I toiled over this.  Then my wife left me for being too consumed with my transsexualism and many other reasons.  Now I am out in the open about my transition.  All my friends know, I work in a coffee shop where most of my regular customers know.  It's like I have been set free.  I make about ¼ of the money I use to and am loosing everything.  But the past five months have been the happiest of my entire life.  Take the leap and trust people around you.  You will be pleasantly surprised.  Also remember that transitioning does not have to be all or nothing.  You can take it as slow or fast as you want.  Went I first started I was still going to work as a man.  Then I changed jobs and people started to see me as a gay man.  Then as time went on I was seen as an effeminate gay man.  Now several times a week some one calls me ma'am.  All this happened slowly over the past year.  I slowly changed my wardrobe to include androgynous women's clothing.  Now I live this androgynous lifestyle everyday.  You only have to go as far as you feel comfortable with at the time.  This is not all about the quickest train from point A to point B.  It is a meandering journey through the country side.  I hope it makes some sense and helped a little.

Ummm, this might help just alittle....

If your university has a psychology department you could try talking to them... seriously its possable to get virtualy free theripy while in school LoL...   It may not help with the trying to put off transition thing but its deffinatly worth looking into if you plan to plow ahead.

Every university and person is different, but I've had an amazing experience at my school. We have a fairly small trans population, but everyone that I've talked to about this has been very supportive. I've been getting counseling through the school's staff psychologists, and recently I have also gotten the medical support and testing needed through the university's campus healthcare program. It's not a fully developed level of support, and they're only just starting to deal with this issue, but they've been making an effort.

College campuses are also relatively open and accepting environments. This isn't true with all schools, but in general they're more liberal than the general population. This can make it easier to transition than if you were out in the working world. Personally, I've been visibly changing but I haven't had any serious trouble.

You also might want to talk to your school's housing department. Some of them are starting to make special accommodations for trans students. It can be tough living in a very close environment with 'the guys' when you're feeling (or looking) rather different.

Your mileage may vary, but I think it might be worthwhile putting out feelers once you get to your school.

~Kaitlyn

just taking t blocker seems like a VERY SENSISBLE thing to do.

I don't think you could get kicked out for being a transsexual. The admissions department at my college was very good about it, and I attended in the fall as a male after a month on T. Many schools have antidiscrimination policies, and students are more understanding these days than you'd think. You might consider attending as a female -- four years sounds like an awfully long time to wait.

Universities are probably the best place to transition.
I think the one worry though you have to go in with is the fact how your parents might take it.  You may be risking financial support. 

Honestly, Universities, especially progressive ones (as most American Universities are) will NOT kick you out.  I would say it would be a good place to start your transition and go full time and start HRT. 

Quote from: LynnER on April 17, 2007, 06:06:55 PM
Ummm, this might help just alittle....

If your university has a psychology department you could try talking to them... seriously its possable to get virtualy free theripy while in school LoL...   It may not help with the trying to put off transition thing but its deffinatly worth looking into if you plan to plow ahead.

However I would recommend making very sure they provide gender therapy before  before meeting with them. The LGBTO Office told me Marshall University did. They don't, the therapist I received repetitively referred to me as male after I introduced myself as Nikki. I was encouraged to move to a larger more accepting city and to go to a gay bar for drag(!!!) shows. TS individuals were frequently referred to as "people like that" and the therapist didn't even know what HRT was.

I have the exact same circumstances....I am 18, in university, and I am only on t blockers. I can't do anything else, and I have decided to finish school before I start all of this transition stuff. I would lose financial support if I did otherwise, and I need as much of that as I can get. I only have 3 more years, and so it won't be bad. I am on t blockers and will start hair removal soon, but thats as far as I can go now and it seems to be alright. I am not ready to come out to everyone and show up at school in a dress right now anyways.

Anaya, do you want my email/msn if you want to talk about this stuff, since we seem to be on the same level?

Phoenyx

mmh thanks for the replies.
i really should start investigating trans support in germany. Right now im choosing universities based on what they offer to study, but im probably going to give those universities nearer to a good therapist priority.

I dont know what will happen, but i should stop dreaming and do something. Anything! well...almost anything

I wasn't sure what to so regarding the very same thing, and i decided rather than deal with all my trans stuff as well as going to uni, id put off uni and go to college for a year (some said it was procrastinating) to get my head sorted. I was really worried that I'd mess up uni and wanted to be in the right frame of mind. I plan to get my head straight and see my therapist in July to see what will happen. i'm not sure what happens with regard to timescale and what exactly is available to me right now etc... but i guess ill find that out. i'm not sure what exactly to advise since i'm in the same predicament - i would just rather start off at uni in the knowledge that i'm more sure of myself. However, I am gonna need to explain this to my college - isnt like grand?