and where did you buy clothes, and how did you get over the shame of being seen in the store?
seriously though, i'm 6'4 this isn't meant as a troll more as an advice seeking....thing
i want to feel like this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dG0WhEgcLt8&feature=related - problem is i look like this
okay i'm 19 but still i pass for handsome not cute - i look nothing like that point is i can spend all this money on clothes, but in the end i'll look in the mirror and give it all up because i look nothing like a real girl too tall 6'4 handsome not cute i'll never be a trap
in any case i raided value village drunk, and bought girls clothes, i got this tight hoodie with long sleeves just cant get over the shame. i feel comfortable in the purple shirt i got its got super long sleeves - and its loose around the neck i like it its cute and i can pass for masculine, i don't want to pass for masculine i just have a character 19 years in the making; idk if i can go completely feminine even if i wanted to; that and i still have to worry about gangsters hunting me down
i used to be the biggest pot head in the city i lived in due to depression, well one day i was sayin the usual"if i don't get some pot soon i'll die" and i knocked this guy out for his stash who was my close friend; long story short i had to leave town and i'm still on the run - so... lots to worry about i don't give much thought to sexuality but it just popped into my head again like a nail
so i'm essentially a mix between fem and masculine; tried to be something i wasn't when i was homeless; a thug
off the streets at 18 (19 now) i mellowed out and its sort of 50/50 fem/masc i spose
yet i use an alias like maiya -_- lol
confuse myself - here's the song describing me perfectly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxapTEfUcEw&feature=relmfumostly just looking for advice in what i should do given my personality; i was a faker because of circumstance; but crossdressing is soemthing i've wanted to try for a long time now, in any case - i have an obsession with wearing black, i find it elegant - that and i find that i run away from anything feminine; which is why i could get away with sleeves that go so far down that it overlaps all the way halfway down my fingers; i could get away with the feminine sleeves - but they were a distraction and the novelty has worn off;
i also strangely have an obsession with pink; my cell is pink i bought it because i saw it, my lighter is pink - anything cute and pink i buy; or try to but usually chicken out;
and a love for anything dark in nature - i think i may be slightly gothic i'm not sure; so any tips - advice - anything
not sure why i made this post, but thanks
ps - i used to think i was a thug and got in lots of fights...but i'm a pacifist in nature - people can see right through a faker; even if they can't see it themselves you know? eventually your true nature catches up to you and you forget who you were becoming;
you don't have a personality
that little feminine kid in elementary that was an over emotional crybaby? has no emotions; been through too much
last thing before this horribly long read - i really want to wear a skirt - but i don't have the guts -_-
if i was born a girl i think i'd be gothic...its just a natural pull...not to conform or anything; its just on clothes pink and black are my favorite colours (what am i saying i wear black all the time, no guts to wear any pink, sure in little objects people rarely see maybe but i'm way too self conscious) and going back as far as 10 i've liked music such as evanescence - you know dark music
its the catchiest kind to me
i have no muscle maybe if i practice enough i can get the voice of a girl? and then people would just buy it?
hm...idk - any advice would be nice - i'm 19 and being 19 - trying to figure this out for myself i'll probably take the most idiotic and self destructive path without thinking about it