Quote from: justmeinoz on April 16, 2012, 03:25:41 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy, on of my children  has revealed he is a  Collingwood supporter. 
Should we ban him from all family functions until he comes to his senses, and is it legal for me to cut him out of my will if he does not?

Gentlewoman of Carlton.

Dear Gentlewoman of Carlton,

Anyone supporting Victorian AFL teams are one nut short of a jockstrap. In your case the entire family exists on a dubious genetic background and are probably best kept for a mutant breeding colony.

Hugs

Aunty C

Quote from: kelly_aus on April 16, 2012, 03:27:11 AM
Dear Aunty C,

Is a brick in the bottom of my handbag considered lady like?

Hugs,
Kelly

PS: No comment about the places I frequent - Hyde Park is far from primitive..

Mmmm all tip and no iceberg.

Hugs
Aunty C

Dear Aunty Cindy

When's a good time to let the cat out of the bag? I've been keeping this cat in a bag for a few days now and believe it has become rather pissed off all growly and such

thnx - Lumberjack Sue

Quote from: V M on April 16, 2012, 04:42:55 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy

When's a good time to let the cat out of the bag? I've been keeping this cat in a bag for a few days now and believe it has become rather pissed off all growly and such

thnx - Lumberjack Sue

Dear Lumberjack Sue,

Once you have your pussy in the bag you need to calm it down. Vibration of the pussy can be quite calming.  It may still growl and there may be some yelling. This can generally be ignored. Otherwise the pussy may be calmed in a very cold shower. This seems to work for the primitive pussy creatures in Tasmania.

Aunty C

Dear Aunty Cindy,

Why does the title of this thread provoke an image in my mind of a locked glass cabinet, behind which is a well-worn implement of discipline, and underneath a slogan which reads:

I try to warn them, I try to plead,
That to be naughty there is no need,
Yet still I must, with expression solemn,
Employ 'Aunty Cindy's Agony Column'

Dear Aunty Cindy,

As a follow up to Lumberjack Sue's question, how do I get the cat back in the bag after it's gotten out?

Hugs,
Kelly

You are a poet,
who didn't know it.
I'm the lash on the site
Who stimulates the thoughts
That we should have naught.

In confusion you will scream
Is Aunty Cindy's Agony Column
What it seems?

The poetry is forgot, as Cindy views Sephirah's bot,
And lash is raised in total joy

As Sephirah become Cindy's sex toy.


Hugs
Aunty C

Quote from: kelly_aus on April 16, 2012, 04:58:20 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,

As a follow up to Lumberjack Sue's question, how do I get the cat back in the bag after it's gotten out?

Hugs,
Kelly

Dear Kelly,
You have the IQ of a turtle, a very small turtle, in fact one one those small turtles that are too small to be called turtles, they are known as s'eltrut, you should take a holiday to Tasmania, hopefully you can bag a pussy on the way. If not you can join in the mutant breeding program that is lead by that famous Tassie Scientist, JustmeinOz. Whose main claim to fame is as the first Tasmanian to have a television award, after starring in "Dancing with Amoebas" which is bound to be a great Aussie contribution to the world culture.

I hope this letter  of support has helped your future  career.

Hugs and Love

Aunty C

Dear Aunty Cindy,
  Whenever I ask one of the girls in my Geography class if I can look at her map of Tasmania, she hands me a Mercator Projection of the island state, and when I mention dyke she gets all huffy and tells me to look under N for Netherlands.  What is a gay girl like me to do?

Cartographically  Frustrated.

Quote from: Cindy James on April 16, 2012, 04:49:43 AM
Dear Lumberjack Sue,

Once you have your pussy in the bag you need to calm it down. Vibration of the pussy can be quite calming.  It may still growl and there may be some yelling. This can generally be ignored. Otherwise the pussy may be calmed in a very cold shower. This seems to work for the primitive pussy creatures in Tasmania.

Aunty C

You had me in stitches!!! Haven't stopped laughing for two hours now. Uhmm......am I normal ?? Is there something wrong with me? I think I am going .............hysterical!

Quote from: justmeinoz on April 16, 2012, 07:10:36 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,
  Whenever I ask one of the girls in my Geography class if I can look at her map of Tasmania, she hands me a Mercator Projection of the island state, and when I mention dyke she gets all huffy and tells me to look under N for Netherlands.  What is a gay girl like me to do?

Cartographically  Frustrated.

Dear Frustrated,

If I remember correctly, there is a Dutch story about a person who put their finger in the dyke's hole to prevent leakage. You may be onto more than you think.

Hugs
Aunty C

Quote from: Maegan on April 16, 2012, 02:26:20 PM
You had me in stitches!!! Haven't stopped laughing for two hours now. Uhmm......am I normal ?? Is there something wrong with me? I think I am going .............hysterical!

Dear Megan,

Whatever delusion makes you think you are normal?  It is also a fact that normality is vastly over rated. At least that is what my psychiatrist keeps telling me.

Hugs
Aunty C

Quote from: Liam Erik on April 16, 2012, 03:15:30 PM
Y'all are goofy.

Dear Liam Erik,

We cannot all be the same Disney character, you have spent too long playing with sheep. New Zealanders have similar problems.

Hugs

Aunty C

Quote from: Cindy James on April 17, 2012, 03:20:57 AM
Dear Liam Erik,

We cannot all be the same Disney character, you have spent too long playing with sheep. New Zealanders have similar problems.

Hugs

Aunty C

That reminds me of the motto of Oklahoma...

"Where men are men and sheep are nervous."

Just thought I'd get in on the action here.  I don't need any advice.  I got plenty of vice.  Enough to share, but I think Cindy has that nailed down pretty well.

-Sandy

Dear Aunt Cindy:
Why am i afraid to ask you a specific question ?

Dear Aunty Cindy:

Why can't I seem to find a girlfriend?  I'm a good person but no woman seems interested in me?  What am I doing wrong?  How can I find a nice woman to settle down with?

Yours truly,

Mr. Malachite

Aunty Cindy,

I have a date on Friday, should I wear the slinky black dress or the boring grey dress? I'm torn..

Hugs,
Kelly

Quote from: Amazon D on April 17, 2012, 07:32:30 AM
Dear Aunt Cindy:
Why am i afraid to ask you a specific question ?

Dear D,
A very rare sign of intelligence?

Aunty C

Quote from: Malachite on April 17, 2012, 07:49:23 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy:

Why can't I seem to find a girlfriend?  I'm a good person but no woman seems interested in me?  What am I doing wrong?  How can I find a nice woman to settle down with?

Yours truly,

Mr. Malachite

Dear Malachite,
With my short experience of men's chat lines you are probably starting conversation rather than demanding sex. Wearing a paper bag over your head can be useful too. If you bump into things you forget to make eye-holes.

Hugs
Aunty C

Quote from: kelly_aus on April 17, 2012, 07:52:45 AM
Aunty Cindy,

I have a date on Friday, should I wear the slinky black dress or the boring grey dress? I'm torn..

Hugs,
Kelly

Dear Torn or is it Kelly, making your mind up seems to be a serious problem, you don't even know your own name.

Hugs
Aunty C