Quote from: Siobhan on April 26, 2012, 01:24:16 AM
Hi sysm,
As others have said, its too early, but your nose looks very cute and your forehead is smooth..you've always had a great smile and Im sure your going to look great in a few months, I hope you are feeling better now anyway- you do just look like a more femine version of james, so keep smiling.
You got the same eyebrows as me, guess we both gotta get those things tamed!

thank u darling uve always been very sweet to me

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 25, 2012, 06:19:23 PM
I love the smile! I think you need to wait patiently, didn't you tell us the Doctor said no pics for three months? Hugs, Devlyn

Hugs back, Devlyn(: and thank u

Quote from: Butterflyhugs on April 25, 2012, 05:52:57 PM
It's hard to tell from the picture, but how much facial hair do you have? I've always heard of people getting that taken care of completely (or close to it) before going through with any kind of FFS.

That being said, if you looked more male than female before FFS, you will still look like that at only 4 weeks post op. I myself basically still looked like a boy at worst and androgynous at best at the 1 month mark. Give it time! 

Every doctor basically says you shouldn't evaluate or really weigh the visible results til at least 3 months after, because of residual swelling and such that takes a really really long time to go away.

Hi Butterfly, I know you went to Dr. Spiegel too.  You were a cute guy and you're just lovely as a girl, very young looking... ummm i have  alot of facial hair i am italian... so thats a big hurdle for me definitely moving forward.

im at 4 weeks post op so i look male yes which is funny because right after I looked very feminine....  it looked really weird. 

I'm waiting it out, yeah, its hard but ill get to 3 months on June 29.  There's still A LOT of swelling in my mouth area - all the nose, around the jaw and teeth, the chin... I can definitely feel it.

The browbone too looks very masculine still ):

Hi @sysm29!

Glad I got to see your picture! :-)

I can definitely see it.  It's a little hidden, but it's there... try this:  take an index card and block off parts of your face one piece at a time.  Like, cover your eyes, and look at your mouth, or vice-versa.  When I do that, it makes visual sense to me where your features are going.  Your mouth and chin (ignoring the beard...) are definitely feminine.  Your eyes... maybe a little less so, but I can sorta see how it'll all gel eventually.

(the beard and the eyebrows gotta go, tho' :-P )


My two cents on the whole passing thing...

It takes time.  There are lots of pieces to it -- voice, hair, clothes, mannerisms, how you walk, how you sit, posture, etc.  It takes a while to learn them all.  It's like learning to act, or dance, or play an instrument.  All you can do is practice.

And here are the things everyone told me when I was where you are -- things I thought were absolute BS almost to the point of tears :-( --

1) Just live your life, practice the above things, take your hormones, and then... it just sorta happens!  You get one "ma'am", then a couple days later, another.  Then it's like popcorn -- the "ma'ams" start popping continually until that's all there is. 

2) Most of passing is about the elusive concept of "attitude."  It's hard to explain, but... it's about presentation, and how you think about yourself.  When you're projecting an air of, "Uhh... yeeahh... I'm woman.  What the hell else would I be??" that's what you are.  There are masculine-looking cis women out there.  But they aren't mistaken for men.  Why?  Because they're not thinking of themselves as anything but women! (why would they?)

You just settle into it.  Eventually, it doesn't surprise you anymore.  Then, it snowballs:  the less it surprises you, the more you take it for granted, the more you present it to the world as a *fact*.

And physically, you'll have no problem passing -- you're thin, you have good hair, you have a cute nose. :-)  The package just needs to come together a little.

You'll get there! :-)



Oh -- and my thought on the timing of your FFS:  I do think it was a bit early.  Thing is, FFS doesn't make you pass -- the above stuff makes you pass (mostly the attitude).   Right now, I think it feels a lot more consequential for you than it will be in the future. 

I'm absolutely terrified about my impending FFS.    But, I am happy I waited *until* I passed before I decided to do it.  Now it's much more about me than anyone else.  And I think that takes a little of the weight off.

So, you bake the cake and then you put the icing on -- ideally.  You kinda put the icing on first. :-P  But, once you are done with the cake, the two will still go together!








-anna

Quote from: Amazon D on April 26, 2012, 07:36:18 AM


I had always imagined a transition would be easy as pie- Take your estrogen, put on some makeup, grow out your hair and presto chango!  You're a woman and everybody adores you and women come up to you in Nordstrom and tell you how much they love your ensemble...


I've been out and about for a while now and people still see James.  I mean maybe its the facial hair?!


I still look like a dude aww shucks

You need to talk to a therapist because you have some distorted ideas of what a woman is. Most also don't have full facial beards or shadow beards.

I like your style, can we be friends?

Quote from: justmeinoz on April 26, 2012, 04:53:00 AM
Transitioning is not easy.  In fact it is probably the hardest thing you will ever do, apart from making the actual decision to do it. 
You really need to find a good Gender Therapist and sort out all the issues that will come up, or are with you now.
Facial hair removal is probably of more effect than FFS actually, from what I have seen.  People will react to the most obvious visual clues, and facial hair is a pretty prominent one.  As others have said already, an eyebrow shaping will help a lot too.

Karen.

Ya **ALL OF THAT**  (took the words out of my mouth)

Quote from: sysm29 on April 26, 2012, 09:14:05 PM
ummm i have  alot of facial hair i am italian... so thats a big hurdle for me definitely moving forward.

And FFS wasn't?

I've gone in the other direction, so that might discredit me somehow    but I see a really sweet young woman there.

What I tell younger FTMs getting top surgery is that the dr does part of the work, but, like climbing over a mountain, the top of the mountain isn't the end of the journey. It's the individual who leaves the surgeon's office and goes home to do the rest of the healing. That's where you are at.

Even at one month already (and with the odd sepia effect!), your eyes are wonderfully set within your face. My advice - put the mirror away, put the camera down. Shine through your eyes the woman you are, and even more boldly, the woman you are becoming.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 26, 2012, 10:17:31 PM
I like your style, can we be friends?

why yes because a real friend will tell you the truth and not just what you want to hear.

Quote from: Amazon D on April 26, 2012, 07:36:18 AM

You need to talk to a therapist because you have some distorted ideas of what a woman is. Most also don't have full facial beards or shadow beards.

Yea... like I keep saying... OP, you need to see a therapist (for a very wide range of reasons).

Not so much about distorted ideas of what a woman is (that is definitely a problem) ... but also expectations as you walk forward in life.... you thought transition is a simple issue of a couple pills and longer hair and suddenly your life will be free of problems? Considering that you were on HRT for a year some time ago... you should know that isn't a reality...

Thinking as you do is beyond what a reasonable person would. There is something wrong in your thinking process that has you living within your own head... you aren't looking at reality... you are acting on fantasy....and that is extremely dangerous !!!! Not just for the sittuations you will put yourself in... but also you make yourself SOOO unhappy ...

When you place so much importance on how pretty you are... when it is all there is to life... well , that is a recipe for a lifetime of self hate.

Sure, I care about how I look! That is fine. But, when I look in the mirror and see someone ugly, I don't freak out or become suicidal... I shrug and just make do with what I have (like 
every other person does, there are a lot of people who dislike how they look in the world). Basically... my life consists of way more than trying to compete on who can be the prettiest girl...

Quote from: MrTesto on April 27, 2012, 01:22:16 AM
I've gone in the other direction, so that might discredit me somehow    but I see a really sweet young woman there.

Discredit?  To the contrary, I think FtM dudes are the voice of reason!  Always makes me happy to hear from you guys.  Reminds me that we're all in this together. :-)

Quote
What I tell younger FTMs getting top surgery is that the dr does part of the work, but, like climbing over a mountain, the top of the mountain isn't the end of the journey. It's the individual who leaves the surgeon's office and goes home to do the rest of the healing. That's where you are at.

Well put!



-anna

Quote from: Rabbit on April 27, 2012, 07:28:12 AM
.... you thought transition is a simple issue of a couple pills and longer hair and suddenly your life will be free of problems?

Thinking as you do is beyond what a reasonable person would. There is something wrong in your thinking process that has you living within your own head... you aren't looking at reality... you are acting on fantasy....and that is extremely dangerous...

This is a really good observation, and good advice. Most FFS surgeons don't require a letter, but if you had tried to undergo SRS you'd never have been cleared by a psych.

Its these words that have me so worried about you luv:

Quote from: sysm29I had always imagined a transition would be easy as pie- Take your estrogen, put on some makeup, grow out your hair and presto chango!  You're a woman and everybody adores you and women come up to you in Nordstrom and tell you how much they love your ensemble...

Its those EXACT words thay are a big red flag. Transition isn't a solution to life's problems...its a reasonably effective solution to ONE problem (GID), and even so it can hardly be considered practical. The reality is that transition is pretty much the polar opposite of easy.

I have met several girls who are/were in the drag circuit, and who also had this "easy" an "adored" mindset.  Perhaps the competition and vanity of drag warps one's perceptions and creates unrealistic expectations. They're so preoccupied with their appearance that they forget about everything else. It becomes an poisonous mindset. Do you think that's a possibility hun?

Youre such a sweetheart, I hate to see someone so lost. Find a licensed therapist and work on getting back on track and where to go from here. I don't want you make bad choices!

P.s. I really respect that you share your thoughts and feelings...and are so nice about it. You are someone who wants help and is willing to listen, so you're gonna be fine. It's the people who have already decided what they want to hear who cannot be helped. I hope today is a bit better hunny, OH nnd I almost forgot....I agree,  your FFS is a success...you look adorable already!!

Quote from: PositivelyAnna on April 27, 2012, 07:51:01 AM
Discredit?  To the contrary, I think FtM dudes are the voice of reason!  Always makes me happy to hear from you guys.  Reminds me that we're all in this together. :-)
....

I don't know that I've ~ever~ heard FTMs be referred to as "the voice of reason," but thank you.

Quote from: MiaOhMya! on April 27, 2012, 12:44:40 PM
This is a really good observation, and good advice. Most FFS surgeons don't require a letter, but if you had tried to undergo SRS you'd never have been cleared by a psych.

Actually, Dr. S *did* require a letter for me.  He sent me to a gender therapist he knew.  (there's more context than that, but it was basically to make sure I was OK)

Hell, it *is* within the realm of possibility that he tightened up his policies very recently.


-anna

A very good point. Transsexuality is a mental condition but transsexuals do not exhibit other mental conditions other then gender dysphoria. Having other mental conditions like heavy neurosis or psychotic disorders can be triggered by the transsexuality but usually has strong social and organic grounds to happen. Those people need to be treated for those conditions prior to the transition especially prior to any surgery because surgically treating a psychologically unfit patient can result in deterioration of the mental health and in same cases even in suicide.
I personally don't see anything wrong with your face or with the results of the surgery. The only thing that is wrong here is the way you see the things. Don't get me wrong but I think that you need professional help to get over the surgery because I believe it has been a strong psychological trauma for you. I don't want to be misunderstood and please take this as a very friendly advice.

BTW, no, being a woman isn't about taking freaking hormones and doing make up and hair. It's about what's between your ears and not worrying so much about what kind of girly stuff you can get into.

If that's really your view on how womanhood is, you're sorely mistaken. The closest thing to what you're describing is girls will call you sweetie and darling more, and expect you to chat back with them when they spout some nonsense about their kids or the weather. They don't give a crap about your clothes, in fact if you're a girl they're going to size you up and look for any flaw to make them feel better about themselves... especially if you are pretty. Men just want to stare at you and wont even consider any suggestion you say unless you're either very strong, or present it very weakly.

It seems to me you're more obsessed with looking like a chick than being one. Just be a drag queen. Nothing wrong with that.. at least you can stop giving a crap if people see you as a guy or a girl, because then you'd be cool with being a guy.

Quote from: swan on April 27, 2012, 11:08:58 PM
A very good point. Transsexuality is a mental condition but transsexuals do not exhibit other mental conditions other then gender dysphoria. Having other mental conditions like heavy neurosis or psychotic disorders can be triggered by the transsexuality but usually has strong social and organic grounds to happen. Those people need to be treated for those conditions prior to the transition especially prior to any surgery because surgically treating a psychologically unfit patient can result in deterioration of the mental health and in same cases even in suicide.
I personally don't see anything wrong with your face or with the results of the surgery. The only thing that is wrong here is the way you see the things. Don't get me wrong but I think that you need professional help to get over the surgery because I believe it has been a strong psychological trauma for you. I don't want to be misunderstood and please take this as a very friendly advice.

+1!!!!!!!!!!!
You in danger gurl!

Your HRT dose is probably way too low.

Get your levels checked. I really hope you can still get facial fat redistribution after FFS... You didn't get cheek implants did you?

Quote from: Seyranna on April 28, 2012, 05:55:27 AM
Your HRT dose is probably way too low.

Get your levels checked. I really hope you can still get facial fat redistribution after FFS... You didn't get cheek implants did you?

Yes... what does that have to do with facial fat redistribution tho?  I might not take estrogen...

Quote from: lecoeurdegrey on April 27, 2012, 11:19:12 PM
+1!!!!!!!!!!!
You in danger gurl!

Thank you, Oda Mae Brown.