Quote from: Felix on May 18, 2012, 12:42:52 AM
This made me lol. I always look a little longer at lesbians, wondering if they clock me. That's if I notice them. I used to think I had bad gaydar, but now I think portland hipsters just naturally jam all the signals.

LOLOLOL.

I was wondering when you were going to bring up "the hipsters" being that you live in Portland.

In some kind of ways, I still feel I can be a in between once in a while.

I am very femenine looking so by first glimpse people can mistake but still pass as a young guy,
before T I could be seen as a young guy by first glimpse but was still considered female in many situations.

so its pretty much the same just opposite..
I always find it very strange how people relate totally diffrent from you when your on one side or another.
for every people who knows I biologically born female they asume I must be into girls,
for everyone who belive I am biologically born male they asume I am gay.

I'm still in the awkward stage, I suppose, although awkward is what you make of it.  I'm an awkward person in general sometimes, but I mind less than I used to that I don't look like most guys my age.   

I have a fairly androgynous face, my hair is purple, and dress like a cross between skater boy and hipster.   So, while it's rare that people call me "m'am'' or "she" anymore, I can tell that I'm breaking people's brains sometimes trying to figure out which I am.  Until I speak, that's usually when people decide 'boy!' (and 'gay' as well, incidentally).

I think for me the biggest factor in finding comfort with the androgyny was finding community where people accept and respect my gender identity and who see me as a guy no matter what color my hair is, or how feminine my facial features are, or how non-masculine my hobbies are or mannerisms can be.  I'm lucky in that I have a local group of other trans* people I found that with, and I wish all trans* people could have access to the same, and why activism and community building is so important to me now. 

For those who don't have those resources though, just know that there are people out there who would see you only as a guy, and find you attractive as a guy, the way you are; without surgery, or hormones, or weight lifting, dieting, ect.   It's really hard when you feel like you're in that 'ugly duckling' phase, but keep in mind that what you see or what even most people see is not always accurate.

If anything about transitioning gives me anxiety, it's that phase. Well, and the needles, but that's something I can easily get over I think.

I know that everyone already sees me as butch even though I'm very VERY effeminate... I guess I just have a masculine aura around me..?

I noticed laterly that my parrents do those akward situations pretty well..

here some weeks ago I was pretty happy cause she called a school calling me "he" and "her son"
but as we showed up talking to the teacher privatly she refered me as "she"..
and as we got out and I scold her she apoligysed with a "sure nobody would notice"

hehe.. cause its so normal that your own parrents forget there childs gender.

"hehe.. cause its so normal that your own parrents forget there childs gender" Thats hilarious cause my mom keeps going back and forth on accident too sometimes within the same sentence. it makes seeing peoples reaction to me, especially when she s introducing me around her quite interesting.