Ever since I was little I felt more like a boy then a girl and would go into deep short periods of depression over not having male parts. Yet I had moments when I would put on my girly dresses and act like a princess. I thought that I had two souls in me. One was male and one was female. The male was more in control though, and the girl would only get control occasionally. Over time this feeling left and I felt all male.  Then It came back again and the girl part lasted a long time, then the boy part came, and the girl didn't come back.

But now I'm about to go to high school. I'm already out to everybody and have started my transition. But the feeling of being female is slowly growing, the more time passes the more I regret coming out. The more I dislike having short hair, the more I hate my lack of figure and the more comfortable I am with female pronouns. Looking more at this, it seems that I'm bigendered. But when I was looking at it slowly as it was happening, It was insanely confusing, going from full ftm, to mostly male, to masculine androgyne, to androgyne, and finally to female. Also weird that i would rather present as male if I cant wear Lolita fashion. 

But anyway, the reason I'm hesitating to accept that i may be bi-gendered is that I will spend years in one gender before switching, or I will suddenly switch to a gender on day, and only that day. Is that common at all? Also, how could I break it to people? I don't want to seem like a faker or a confused girl. Or tell my family that although I have been trying to make them see me as male, that I'll probably be female for a few years.

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Hi UndercoverTurtle,

I think it's fairly normal for androgynes or bigendered folks to 'go all out' in the other direction when coming out. Happens somewhat for binaries too. The side that's underrepresented physically demands recognition and can take over for a time. Your male side was repressed and now that it's recognized, the female side is feeling neglected.

I would just explain your situation as best you can. Point them to sites explaining bigender.

U.T.

I'd urge you to make decisions about your presentation and your transition based on what is true to yourself and NOT on what people expect of you because of what you might have said earlier.

Ever heard the saying "it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind"? Well that goes not just for women, but for men too, and everyone in between.

Good luck, and remember to enjoy yourself.

Common? I don't know. I know of people that did the same thing if that is any comfort.
In my support group there is someone who, I think, took T, stopped and now feels comfortable with a female identity.

I've actually heard of guys who transition, and then start doing activities that they haven't done for years like crochet, because they were too worried re: their masculine image.

You might enjoy some of this person's videos. He still IDs as male but clearly is comfortable with the female within. Uppercase Chase is sort of a legend.

He's kind of ADHD!


--Jay Jay