Who's been the hardest to come out to?

As a MtF, for me it's been the outer circle - peers, distant friends and few teachers and employers (both sexes) who I've evolved some long standing rapport with. Not close friends, family, female or gay friends and acquaintances. (And not my partner.)

With my peers, perhaps it's knowing that they can easily pass judgement, talk to other colleagues and gossip - since the chance of it getting back to me will be considerably less compared to a close circle of friends. Also, on the outer, we usually imagine more things about a person and it will all be chucked into the mix. My fragile ego and reputation is at stake... Sure they've seen me looking a bit different, but I just can't seem to let it all go. I know I'm holding myself back.

Teachers, lecturers, employers? I think it's because I fear losing their encouragement and support..

Hmm, in these areas I feel I've stalled a bit..

Actually for me it was self acceptance.  After that is was my therapist.  All others ether accept me or they can go bye-bye.

For me, it was coming out to my parents. When I was 41 years old.

Yeah; 41.

I expect age has a lot to do with it - how long that other person/s have known you. I was 46 when I first told anyone, so I've had many years of pretending nothing's wrong..

Quote from: imogen on July 13, 2012, 10:14:20 PM
I expect age has a lot to do with it - how long that other person/s have known you. I was 46 when I first told anyone, so I've had many years of pretending nothing's wrong..

Heh, I can relate to that.

I'm outside of the internet and a couple of friends I am only out to my father and one of my sisters officially so out of those two the hardest person to come out to was my sister.  I felt like I needed to come out to her.  I kept having dreams everynight of coming out to her and I would hope that I would talk in my sleep about coming out to her and she walk in and over hear and then I walk up after questioned and then tell her.  I couldn't take the dreams anymore so I told her.  She reacted the way I expected by telling me God doesn't make mistakes and that I've built up a wall because of past hurts as a child and attached a "masculine spirit" to myself as a result.  Basically she says she knows for a fact that I'm not trans and she thinks that I just need to be happy with myself.

Myself. Once I accepted/came out to myself, the others better damn well follow suit.

It's too bad if they can't, but that's their problem.

So yeah...it was hardest to let myself think I might be "one of those people."

Quote from: Connie Anne on July 13, 2012, 09:35:42 PM
For me, it was coming out to my parents. When I was 41 years old.

Yeah; 41.

One of the excuses I gave myself for years was that I'd hold off on coming out until my parents died.

They're very healthy, though (despite some chronic but seemingly non-short-term-fatal autoimmune stuff), and I'm not getting any younger.

I still haven't come out to them, but I've been working up to it.

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on July 13, 2012, 09:30:36 PM
Actually for me it was self acceptance.  After that is was my therapist.  All others ether accept me or they can go bye-bye.

I hear ya, though I had a harder time accepting my genderfluidity than my bisexuality. Glad to say I love all of me, and those that condemn me for it can, as you so diplomatically say, go bye-bye

For me it would have been my father,but alas on that day the flying fickle finger of fate would not be kind to me,through a turn of events,a big mouthed sister and a recently set  up make up kit,he was made aware of my plight. He did not take it well at all. Never before have I seen someone get so angry that they turned the most interesting shades of purple. Never before have I seen large garbage  cans become airborne as they did on that day. Thankfully there were others around otherwise may my fate have been a bit different?

My mother, by far. Actually, I haven't even come out to her. It's just that difficult. She is a hyper-conservative and even applauded a Romney interview where he said that gay marriage is wrong. I don't think she'd take my "news" well. My dad, however, has been awesome. He just wants me to be happy and whenever I mess up trying to drive, he now says, "Dang, woman, what the heck? Now I finally understand why you can't drive for your life." At least I have him.

The only people I'm not out to are my landlords - I keep thinking I'm going to be able to just tell them (I live above a pub, so effectively, this means the bar staff), but then I just feel too much like I need my home to be safe - and I don't really know how they'll respond. I sort of go round in circles about it. It's not like they don't know something's going on. And in a way, it's none of their business. But it's weird that they're the only people I have anything to do with regularly who still don't know. But I'm still not telling...

There are a couple of women I haven't been able to tell yet. I know I should, but, well, they're not here in Oregon and it's so easy to just not bring it up. If they address me by my old name on my old email account, I don't correct either one of them (I almost never check that account anyhow). One was a coworker who taught me microbiology lab basics, and she's kind of an old fashioned person and I don't want her to think badly of me. The other was a mentor in a summer research program I did once.

Having so little childhood education, I feel like having been seen as intelligent and hardworking by those people is too valuable to endanger even with basic info about my current identity.

Thus far I have only came out to four of my close friends this number includes my boyfriend. I am a FtM. Hardest was my boyfriend, obviously fearing the loss of him, which I was nicely surprised to find that he was attracted to me no matter what and kinda figured ahead of time just by the way I act and how I was more masculine than androgynous. Also when he said he loved me no matter how I identify made me feel so much better and finally refreshed and accepted by who matters to me most.

I do however know that when It comes time to say something to my family it will be the hardest. I really want to tell my mother, I feel like she would listen, be upset, but still listen at least. I just feel that she should at least know before I start with a Gender Therapist because sooner or later she will end up putting pieces together faster than she already is. I am just afraid of the response I will get. 

Aside from myself, my wife. I was afraid she would leave me. Turns out my fear was partially true. She is going to leave me once she can support herself. Until then, I am stuck in the guest room paying for her to go to school while I do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and raising of our son. Everyone after her has been nothing, and they all accept me.

Quote from: Brooke777 on October 17, 2012, 10:12:12 PM
Aside from myself, my wife. I was afraid she would leave me. Turns out my fear was partially true. She is going to leave me once she can support herself. Until then, I am stuck in the guest room paying for her to go to school while I do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and raising of our son. Everyone after her has been nothing, and they all accept me.

my god, Im so sorry. I wish the best for your future, sorry things didnt happen differently. :/

Quote from: Silas. on October 17, 2012, 10:36:48 PM
my god, Im so sorry. I wish the best for your future, sorry things didnt happen differently. :/

Thanks. I am sure they will pick up. I actually went on a date last weekend with a guy I met. My first date in 10 years, and my first date as a woman. So, yeah, I am sure things will pick up.

Quote from: Brooke777 on October 17, 2012, 10:50:16 PM
Thanks. I am sure they will pick up. I actually went on a date last weekend with a guy I met. My first date in 10 years, and my first date as a woman. So, yeah, I am sure things will pick up.

Wow, well then, I am quite happy for you, just stay true to yourself and I am sure things will work out in the long run.

The hardest, by far, was my father. I was on HRT for four years holding back from going full-time before I worked up the resolve to tell him. I was so completely convinced it was going to go catastrophically bad that during the drive down to talk to him I worked out several escape plans just in case he tried to literally kill me in a fit of rage moments after breaking the news. I had my support network lined up to take care of me for a few days if I needed it, and my therapist appointment scheduled for the day after to be able to talk about it with her. My fear told me these were perfectly reasonable precautions. Despite all of my meticulous planning for every contingency, he still managed to catch me off guard.

I told him I was trans. He said "hmm, okay."

He asked a few questions that most people have and asked what name I had chosen. Then he asked if he should start using my new name right away. Before he went to sleep for the night he told me he still loves me and wants to support me in whatever I need to do to be happy. I drove home with my head spinning; none of my plans ever involved him being supportive.

It made me take a hard look at how I saw my father and why I was so afraid. My father has very real faults and there were certainly experiences in the past that led me to believe this would go over poorly, but the vast majority of it was twisted around in my head. My father saw his child hurting for years and years and he didn't know why or how to help. Now he knows why and knows I'm doing what I need to do to be happy. He wants to support his kid, even if he doesn't totally get it.

So far, my fiancé.

He's straight and cis, so it's thrown a massive spanner into our relationship.