My last post has been well over a year, so I feel a bit weird just posting again (not that I have been very active before...)...
But a lot of things have happened and I just needed to get if off my chest somewhere and I thought 'why not here?'

I'm seeing a therapist and she asked me, to think about starting testosterone. And it's something I want, but still I'm unsure. Even though I'm not happy with myself at the moment, I think I'm still scared of what I will become (sounds weird). I mean mainly looks, voice etc. and if I would be happy with that.

And then I had a weird encounter at the hairdresser today. I've been with this hairdresser for some time, but she changed her workplace and I kinda 'moved' with her just to find out that there's this huge prize difference between women's and men's haircuts. She doesn't know about me being trans and I asked her if she could charge me the men's prize. But she said she couldn't do that. She wanted to have my address detaills at the end and then I told her, that instead Ms. she could use Mr., that that would be fine. But I didn't say anything else. I think she was really really confused, but she did so and charged me the men's prize. But now I think I didn't handle that situation very well... Really the look on her face...

The hair dresser's reaction is irrelevant.
Worst case scenario you can go to a different hair dresser.

I think it's great that you're thoroughly considering the decision to medically transition with Testosterone before beginning. In this process of figuring things out,  asking for switches from female to male terms is part of the process& something most of us have gone through.

I remember when I had to inform my professors about my preferred name I felt plenty weird. I was concerned they wouldn't take me serious as a man and as a student due to my at the time feminine features& high voice.

For the most part everyone was great but there were awkweird moments, faces, etc. of course. In the end all that mattered was that the benefits of the overall picture outweighed any uncomfortable moments.

You can change hair dressers. I'd suggest going to a unisex place. I actually go to Style America (hate SuperCuts). Anyway, I have a feeling the person might know something is up. Two hair cuts ago, I said I wanted it super short and i had a tiny little fringe over my ears. This last time I went in and *she* said, "are you ready to get your hair cut over your ears. And I said yes but "my ears look like Obama's."   I really got a male cut.

If you passed you could go to a barber. I don't at all, so I think that's out for me.

-Jay Jay

Thanks for the responses guys.
I know I can change hairdressers and really am considering. I was at a unisex place before, which is definitely better... But then I think it might be also good for my self-confidence going back. Acting as if this is nothing special. Well, I'll see...

And about the testosterone, I am trying to think it through thoroughly. My therapist sounded a lot like she is advising me to try it. She thinks I might benefit from it, considering my dysphoria. I just think I'm a scared person in general, probably thinking more about what could go wrong than about the benefits...
Looking into the future would be a good thing  

As for the T, you will never know if its for you unless you try it. Remember, you can get it as a weekly injection. Get a months worth. See how you feel. The effects of T for the first month are revertible. It will take a while to develop an "adam's apple", or drop your voice. Any facial hair you get will stop coming in if you go off T. I'm not trying to convince you. I am just trying to suggest this is one of those things that you can not be sure of until you actually experience it.  You may love it, you may hate it. One one knows.

Personally, I'd go to "sports clips".

Quote from: henrytwob on August 12, 2012, 10:29:34 PM
As for the T, you will never know if its for you unless you try it. Remember, you can get it as a weekly injection. Get a months worth. See how you feel. The effects of T for the first month are revertible. It will take a while to develop an "adam's apple", or drop your voice. Any facial hair you get will stop coming in if you go off T. I'm not trying to convince you. I am just trying to suggest this is one of those things that you can not be sure of until you actually experience it.  You may love it, you may hate it. One one knows.

Personally, I'd go to "sports clips".

This is truly horrible advice.  Firstly, T shouldn't be something you "take for a month to try out".  Irreversible changes can occur within the first month, my voice began dropping within a month and so did a number of people I know.  If you take T long enough to get facial hair, it will not go away after stopping T.  It may come in lighter and slower but it will still be there. 


OP:  If you are uncertain about T, don't start it.  Continue counseling until you can make up your mind. 

Oh well, actually my therapist also said to try it out, take a real low dose and that I could always stop. I know a guy who does it. He didn't want the voice change, and he's on t now for well over a year and now he says he's also ready for the voice change so he raised his dose. I'm from Germany and we can choose between the gel or injections.
I don't know, I think I do want it, but then there's this part inside that is scared. And it's like I can't really say of what exactely. But then again, I am really slow with decisions. And this one is a big one... 

I'd have to say your therapist is also giving out bad advice.

Quote from: Andy8715 on August 13, 2012, 10:42:26 AM
I'd have to say your therapist is also giving out bad advice.

I agree with Andy.  IMO T isn't something to just try out.  It should be something you are committed to doing long-term.  Some people do stop after x amount of time, but I have a feeling that most stay on it indefinitely.  Permanent changes can take place in a relatively short amount of time.  Voice can drop quickly for some people, genital growth tends to happen almost immediately and is not reversible.  There is no way to predict your changes and the timeline in which they will occur.

I would sincerely like to know what everyone's background is who is stating x or y will happen.  I am in health care. If others are too, fine, that is great. But i'm not sure the advice on prior posts are anything but opinion.  I think talking to the endo who would be monitoring this may give you some information that may ease your mind or help you make a decision.

This is a big decision. Unfortunately, without getting the medical side, you are almost asking yourself to make the decision in a partial vacuum.

Good luck.

@henrytwob:  I am an RN who has been on T for 2 1/2 years, who has been transitioning for over 8 years.  I have spent countless hours researching testosterone and its effects.  Yes, I agree that speaking with an endo would be beneficial.  But suggesting just trying a powerful hormone out when you are scared of the effects or unsure about taking it seems incredibly moronic to me.

Well, we both are RNs. We will have to agree to disagree. I am curious why who feel you need to state something you disagree with is moronic - thereby implying the speaker is moronic.

BTW, I am also ABD my doctorate in counseling, which might be why the counselor and I agree.

Low dose T might not be a horrible idea to someone not entirely sure. I think it's been done, let's just say. OTOH, I think that there are things that will be irreversible. Your voice will drop, you will get hair, and you will get genital growth and are totally irreversible (I think that sometimes the voice goes up very slightly again and your hair will get less dense or something perhaps). I think you have to be sure that those particular effects are ok with you. Since I am not sure, I am not even doing low dose. I am in gender counseling til I have more of an idea how I feel about that. Honestly the one that bothers me is hair right now. Not sure how I feel about this.

--Jay Jay

I do know some guys who went on low dose T via Androgel. Changes were very very slow.  When they were sure they went full dose.  It's not unusual.  However, don't take T unless YOU decide to.  Don't let your therapist or strangers on the 'net make that decision for you.

T was a life saver for me.  I found out I could transition and started T within 5 months; within 2 years I had had all surgeries and was done with transition.  Everybody has to go at their own pace.


Jay

Quote from: sneakersjay on August 15, 2012, 07:55:35 PM
.

T was a life saver for me.  I found out I could transition and started T within 5 months; within 2 years I had had all surgeries and was done with transition.

Damn.
I would be so happy right now if I felt it were possible to get it over with that quickly.
Everyday is torture for me not knowing how long I'm going to have to wait because of all of the expenses.

There are a couple guys on youtube I am following that are taking low dose T. I think in both cases they are genderqueer, however both guys continued and maybe increased dose over time. There is no predicting the rate of changes, but they are worth looking at perhaps.
The first guy is very thin, so how low a dose he's actually on...
3. Partial Transition

Partial FTM Transition (2008)

Obviously this is a doctor/patient decision. I agree totally re: at your own pace..


--Jay Jay