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social transition pre-T?

Started by Edge, August 25, 2012, 09:19:55 AM

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Michael Joseph

i am pre t and i have been living as male with my name legally changed for a while now. it works for me even at college. i have never even got a double take in the mens room and ive been in hundreds. i do pass really well though. i guess just be careful if you dont pass just dont put yourself in a dangerous situation. if u usually do pass, then why not?

Kyle_S

Quote from: Michael Joseph on August 26, 2012, 10:15:44 PM
i am pre t and i have been living as male with my name legally changed for a while now. it works for me even at college. i have never even got a double take in the mens room and ive been in hundreds. i do pass really well though. i guess just be careful if you dont pass just dont put yourself in a dangerous situation. if u usually do pass, then why not?

I second this. I am stealth at my workplace now that I have moved to our big city. Be careful, and whatever you decide, I hope it works well for you :)
'Though all men be made of one metal, yet they be not cast all in one mould'

- John Lyly Euphus, The Anatomy of Light (1579)
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Edge

Thanks. I don't pass at all, so I will be following the advice of using the female bathrooms and change rooms. However, I don't think I can stand pretending to be female anymore. I know not everyone will see me as male anyway (probably not many at all), but it would make me feel more comfortable.
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Boba

Quote from: Edge on August 27, 2012, 11:05:16 AM
Thanks. I don't pass at all, so I will be following the advice of using the female bathrooms and change rooms. However, I don't think I can stand pretending to be female anymore. I know not everyone will see me as male anyway (probably not many at all), but it would make me feel more comfortable.

I know what you mean.. I hate it too.. I dont even go into female restrooms, unless there is no unisex bathrooms and i have like friends to be there around me to get my back. As for change rooms, It shouldnt be a problem in uni unless ur taking a sport or physical ed. Hang in there Ive been social transitioning for 7 years and im tired of it.. Just gotta wait a little longer to get the $_$ in order to fully start transitioning..
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Shantel

Quote from: Boba on August 27, 2012, 12:50:25 PM
I know what you mean.. I hate it too.. I dont even go into female restrooms, unless there is no unisex bathrooms and i have like friends to be there around me to get my back. As for change rooms, It shouldnt be a problem in uni unless ur taking a sport or physical ed. Hang in there Ive been social transitioning for 7 years and im tired of it.. Just gotta wait a little longer to get the $_$ in order to fully start transitioning..

Neither you or Edge are alone on this issue. I'm MtF but prefer to present andro mode in consideration for my family and my spouse. I go to the gym five days a week to keep the bod in shape and though I am 90% fully transitioned I still use the men's bathroom stall rather than create a scene in the women's room because they do shower there and move about in their undies. Showering and the sauna in the men's room are out of the question for me, I realize some men know I'm physically way different from them, so I just dart in and out. Anyway it's usually a clear case of visual assault as the guys aren't the least bit modest. We do what we think is best under the circumstances. Hang in there guys!
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Berserk

Uhh...definitely surprised at the number of people who seem to think you need to depend on hormones to live as your real self. It's really not necessary. And not all transguys go on T or stay on T after starting and many of those guys still live 100% male.

Edge, I would honestly go for it if I were you. The minute I found out what trans was/that transguys existed I started trying to be recognised as male little by little starting with friends/acquaintances/strangers to school to work etc. It may have been scary at first and I may have run into some issues because of it, but honestly the alternative was so much worse. And I know now that I would have regretted it far more had I not gone for who I was and what I wanted. Just think about yourself in a year or two years time. What will you have regretted more? Having tried and so made some progress, even if slight? Or pretending to be someone you're not and feeling like you've barely budged? I could barely stand pretending to be female before I knew that trans existed let alone afterwards. Sometimes you'll feel afraid, sometimes you'll feel embarrassed, sometimes you'll feel humiliated...but other times you'll look back at what could have been and you'll feel happy beyond belief at least knowing that things are getting better, even if only a little.

Just because not everyone will recognise you as male does not mean you should give up or that you shouldn't try and live that way yourself anyways. Hormones are definitely not necessary either if you don't have the means or if its not what you want! That's something that gets peddled way too much here. Yeah it takes courage at first because you may be unsure about how people will react, but that's generally good practice for life. Sometimes life takes courage, and once you take the first step it gets much less intimidating until it just becomes the way things are.

So yes, I do think you should start university as the guy that you are no matter if you're currently on hormones or not or if you even plan on taking them or not. Talk to your professors in private to explain the situation and talk to any other university officials that you need to speak to. And I'd also get in contact with the local university lgbt group if there is one because they can make you aware of information you otherwise would have no idea about. At my university, I found out through them that trans people could easily change their name and sex marker on university files without having done so legally, I gained access to lists of gender neutral washrooms across campus, support centres, counselors, social events, university health care coverage for those who are planning to go on T and even courses that focus on trans issues! So I'd definitely recommend doing that if there's the option!

And just because Bruce Lee is always right... :P :

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Edge

I do plan on going on hormones. I feel like I need to (although I won't die or anything if I don't so I guess I'm being melodramatic). Not for anyone else. For me.
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Kevin Peña

Quote from: Berserk on August 27, 2012, 03:22:22 PM
Uhh...definitely surprised at the number of people who seem to think you need to depend on hormones to live as your real self. It's really not necessary. And not all transguys go on T or stay on T after starting and many of those guys still live 100% male.

Edge, I would honestly go for it if I were you. The minute I found out what trans was/that transguys existed I started trying to be recognised as male little by little starting with friends/acquaintances/strangers to school to work etc. It may have been scary at first and I may have run into some issues because of it, but honestly the alternative was so much worse. And I know now that I would have regretted it far more had I not gone for who I was and what I wanted. Just think about yourself in a year or two years time. What will you have regretted more? Having tried and so made some progress, even if slight? Or pretending to be someone you're not and feeling like you've barely budged? I could barely stand pretending to be female before I knew that trans existed let alone afterwards. Sometimes you'll feel afraid, sometimes you'll feel embarrassed, sometimes you'll feel humiliated...but other times you'll look back at what could have been and you'll feel happy beyond belief at least knowing that things are getting better, even if only a little.

Just because not everyone will recognise you as male does not mean you should give up or that you shouldn't try and live that way yourself anyways. Hormones are definitely not necessary either if you don't have the means or if its not what you want! That's something that gets peddled way too much here. Yeah it takes courage at first because you may be unsure about how people will react, but that's generally good practice for life. Sometimes life takes courage, and once you take the first step it gets much less intimidating until it just becomes the way things are.

So yes, I do think you should start university as the guy that you are no matter if you're currently on hormones or not or if you even plan on taking them or not. Talk to your professors in private to explain the situation and talk to any other university officials that you need to speak to. And I'd also get in contact with the local university lgbt group if there is one because they can make you aware of information you otherwise would have no idea about. At my university, I found out through them that trans people could easily change their name and sex marker on university files without having done so legally, I gained access to lists of gender neutral washrooms across campus, support centres, counselors, social events, university health care coverage for those who are planning to go on T and even courses that focus on trans issues! So I'd definitely recommend doing that if there's the option!

And just because Bruce Lee is always right... :P :



Okay, I really want to be able to agree with you, but I can't. For a lot of people, hormones are necessary and as much as I hate to care about what others think, part of living as a particular gender is being accepted as that gender and if you're not accepted, you won't get the full experience. I for one definitely need female hormones. I want to be a firefighter, which requires physical training. In short, training has made me much more masculine in appearance and female hormones would help me stay fit without getting the male look as a side effect. Plus, if I were to walk into school with female clothes looking the way I do now, I would probably be sent to the dean to have them call my parents to bring me a different outfit...

I wish we lived in a perfect world, but we don't. Oh well....
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