Was this a hard decision for you to make or not?

[KristaFairchild]

I was in denial and until that ended, it was hard. I asked myself about my gender daily and every day I denied I was anything but male. 

Like another said, transition saved me from dangerous addictions. I denied it would do that, too

• I felt ok as a boy. Trans people didn't seem to exist. My culture made it impossible to consider I was anything but male. Yet there were many signs that were invisible to me. 
• I overcame homophobia at about age 25 and a true ally by age 30. Still blind to my gender. 
• I'm a sex addict, so when I tried cross dressing it felt like part of my addiction. 
• Feeling like I was doing a very bad thing, I sought online training in being female. It felt good but I "knew" it wasn't.
• I became part of our local LGBTQ+ center as an ally. Got on the board. 
• After a decade of sobriety, I could not stay sober. I was exploring gender in the wrong ways along with other immoral behaviors that had nothing to do with gender. I was close to losing my wife. 
• In 2023 I did the unimaginable. I joined a Sex Addicts Anonymous online meeting for gender nonconforming people and it changed my life. I saw heathy trans people mag sing their addiction! 

I realized my feminine urges might indicate a healthy need to not be male. My appearance shifted very slowly toward female presentation.  Three years later the battle between denial and what I felt reached a boiling point. My wife crossed her own Rubicon and started to support my transition. 

I had done everything I could regarding my feminine presentation except

- Dresses/skirts
- Wig
- Bold lipstick. 

one of the three without the other felt incomplete; a presentation that was worse, not better. 

So I did all three and went to work one day. I think my coworkers felt like it was about damn time. 

I couldn't look like that with my male name, so Krista went public. I couldn't be Krista with my hundreds of accounts having my dead name, so I started changing them all

At this point I felt amazing!!!

Now I'm legally changing my name. 

I've been sober for over two years. I'm happy. 

[Lori Dee ✅]

Congrats, Krista!

As the old TV commercials would sing:

You've come a long way, baby.

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Everyone

Jessica, Allie, big kim, Lori Dee, Krista, Stottie and Jillian, thank you for sharing your stories so openly.

My own story is so far outside of yours that I sometimes struggle to comprehend just how much some of you have endured and how difficult the road has been for others who are still finding their way.

I can empathise, but I cannot pretend that I truly understand what it must have been like to live through some of the pain, fear and uncertainty you have described.  Reading your stories and those of others is deeply humbling.

I see you, I hear you and I admire the courage it has taken to get where you are today, no matter how far along the road you may be.

Thank you for trusting us with your stories.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Jessica_Rose, @Allie Jayne, @big kim, @Lori Dee, @KristaFairchild, @Stottie Girl @Jillian-TG,

[Stottie Girl]

@Sarah B This is why I am so envious of yourself and others like you. You have so much courage to just make the decision and act straight away. It is truly admirable to someone like me. I have been paralysed by indecision my whole life. I wish I had the courage to act on what I knew was my truth. I have wasted a lot of my life and had to fight through multiple metal breakdowns, loneliness, not being able to feel love or attraction, the list is long. BUT I'm still 50, only part way though my journey and the next half I can try to live it as the real me.

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Sarah

Thank you Sarah for your kind words and thoughts.  It is never too late to make changes with your life no matter how big or small, as long as it makes you happy.

I'm not the only one who has had a fortunate life.  My friend Victoria's story is remarkably similar to mine.  As you know, she recently had surgery, is living her best life and is about to turn 60.

So please don't despair, your time will come and you will know when you are ready.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Stottie Girl @VictoriasSecret

[Petunia]

Hard decision? Pffft.

I'm still in denial despite everything I have learnt about being transgender and how I fit in.

I pretty much wear female versions of men's clothes, growing out my longer than shoulder length hair, two feminine earrings in each ear, only female undies, feminine hygiene products and perfume, laser on the face, no body hair, salon for pedicures always in red or now purple nails, long clear finger nails, female jewellery, brows waxed and tinted, eyelashes tinted, wearing a little bit of mskeup.  But these are all kind of superficial things to make me feel.better.

I've been on estrogel for 3 weeks which May be making my skin softer and nipples more sensitive and errect than before.

This is stiil all really hard for me.

My wife has asked my a number of times if I want to transistion and I truthfully answer no. My wife says she can't be with me if I do.

So I still don't know what will be the endpoint.

And in spite of all the above I still am denying being trans

[Stottie Girl]

Hard decision? Pffft.

I'm still in denial despite everything I have learnt about being transgender and how I fit in.

I pretty much wear female versions of men's clothes, growing out my longer than shoulder length hair, two feminine earrings in each ear, only female undies, feminine hygiene products and perfume, laser on the face, no body hair, salon for pedicures always in red or now purple nails, long clear finger nails, female jewellery, brows waxed and tinted, eyelashes tinted, wearing a little bit of mskeup.  But these are all kind of superficial things to make me feel.better.

I've been on estrogel for 3 weeks which May be making my skin softer and nipples more sensitive and errect than before.

This is stiil all really hard for me.

My wife has asked my a number of times if I want to transistion and I truthfully answer no. My wife says she can't be with me if I do.

So I still don't know what will be the endpoint.

And in spite of all the above I still am denying being trans

You know you Petunia. The path that feels right for you is the right path. You can totally be transgender without being transexual. Just do what brings you happiness at the end of the day.

[Petunia]

You know you Petunia. The path that feels right for you is the right path. You can totally be transgender without being transexual. Just do what brings you happiness at the end of the day.

Yeah I get that, thanks.

For some reason I'm still denying who I am to myself.

It's crazy, how many cisgender males try out oestrogen to see if they like it?
And if I'm not cis, don't seem to be NB, it doesn't leave to much else.

I probably should stop obsessing over this and just forget about labelling myself.

[Finally Anna]

Petunia, I could have written that!

I pretty much wear female versions of men's clothes, growing out my longer than shoulder length hair, two feminine earrings in each ear, only female undies, feminine hygiene products and perfume, laser on the face, no body hair, salon for pedicures always in red or now purple nails, long clear finger nails, female jewellery, brows waxed and tinted, eyelashes tinted, wearing a little bit of mskeup.  But these are all kind of superficial things to make me feel better.

Likewise here, but a much less obvious presentation.

My wife has asked my a number of times if I want to transistion and I truthfully answer no. My wife says she can't be with me if I do.

My wife has asked about that one time, the night I really came out to her, but after that she has asked a few times about my slow pace of integration and expression.
I'd expect her to ask again, once Anna craves a bit more presentation space. She has some fears about her own attraction to me, if I really become a woman also physically.
Currently, I don't think I need to do physical transition. Social transition to some level is ongoing and will be extended, with time. Surgeries, probably not.

So I still don't know what will be the endpoint.

I don't know either. I think this is very common.
I know that I sometimes want to know what will happen, but it is pointless because nobody knows.

I probably should stop obsessing over this and just forget about labelling myself.

Yes, that is probably the way forward, but it is easier said than done. Self-therapy in here helps me quite a bit in that sense.

💕

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Petunia

You said:

I probably should stop obsessing over this and just forget about labelling myself.

Now you are talking properly!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
PS You will find what works for you.
@Petunia

[Maid Marion]

I find a surprising amount of social acceptance on the golf course with old white guys.
I'm sure it helps that I look really good in women's clothes.  They wish their wives looked as good!
It makes logical sense as I'm obviously too small to fit in men's clothes.  Boys my size have gorilla arms.

With tight financial times the fact that I can buy nice clothes that fit perfectly off the rack at deep discounts settles the argument.
             

[Jillian-TG]

Hard decision? Pffft.

I'm still in denial despite everything I have learnt about being transgender and how I fit in.

I pretty much wear female versions of men's clothes, growing out my longer than shoulder length hair, two feminine earrings in each ear, only female undies, feminine hygiene products and perfume, laser on the face, no body hair, salon for pedicures always in red or now purple nails, long clear finger nails, female jewellery, brows waxed and tinted, eyelashes tinted, wearing a little bit of mskeup.  But these are all kind of superficial things to make me feel.better.

I've been on estrogel for 3 weeks which May be making my skin softer and nipples more sensitive and errect than before.

This is stiil all really hard for me.

My wife has asked my a number of times if I want to transistion and I truthfully answer no. My wife says she can't be with me if I do.

So I still don't know what will be the endpoint.

And in spite of all the above I still am denying being trans

You are denying being trans probably because you have a narrow definition of the term. Perhaps if you had a broader definition (one that doesn't automatically require gender surgery for example) then you could embrace being transgender and being yourself. If you think about it, based on what you described, you present as much as a woman as 95% of cis gender women. Most of them are not wearing heels and dresses. Most of them dress for comfort and convenience so it's androgynous clothes and light makeup. You are basically presenting as a woman right now.

I've started using the term "trans" when describing myself to my wife. I need her to know that this isn't cross dressing for me. This is about my gender and who I am. So I embrace the term transgender but that doesn't automatically mean that I will seek surgical confirmation. I don't plan to do that (other than a nose job).

[Finally Anna]

Getting slightly off topic but wanted to chip in a few words.

Transitioning is not only about physical looks from surgeries (FFS, BA, GRS) even if it often is interpreted that way.
It is also about effects from HRT and about social transition.

[Maid Marion]

It took years to accept that I male failed too often to use the men's room and then to confidently use the women's room.  It is easier now that many businesses such as CVS now have single stall facilities open to all.

Still, it is an important logistical consideration for day trips.