Quote from: Petunia on October 03, 2026, 01:13:39 PMJulie, I just went back up to the start of this topic.

All the posts about your wife and family are so affirming and positive.

Further down some random on the internet has interferred with your thoughts.

All that matters to you is you, your gorgeous wife, the acceptance coming from her family.

You are such a lucky person to be in that position

Cherish the people around you and the rest doesn't matter.

Life is too short to dwell on negative people.

True. I sent that internet troll a very balanced response (nothing hateful) and then blocked them. Life is indeed too short to deal with negative internet trolls.

My wife did something sweet this morning. She gave me her wool fall coat that she has only worn a couple of times. She said I need something warm to wear when we travel in November (and she knows I prefer to travel while dressed more feminine / androgynous).

Her coat is definitely a women's coat. It's a black double breasted coat but with a distinctly feminine cut to it.

I tried it on and although it fits me nicely in terms of torso, the sleeves were too short. So she pulled out a sweater of hers that she has nice furry shaggy cuffs. She said she will remove the furry cuffs and sew it into the coat to make the sleeves longer so it fits me better. It's a great solution and ironically her alteration takes the coat from what was originally a conservative ladies fall coat to what will be a lot more girly with the fluffy shag cuffs. It was her idea so I'm chuffed.

Can't wait to travel in it in November (we are flying down to Fort Lauderdale for a cruise).

Wow, JJ! That is...fantastic! 💕

Looking at my recent posts it all reads like sunshine and roses. I would like to add a very real reality check on that. Today my wife let me know that things are not sitting well with her.

Two examples from her message to me via WhatsApp:
"I'm just trying my best every day. It's not easy because it goes against everything that I am so just have patience. I'm just doing what I can some days it's OK some days it's not so just letting you know, but I do love you..."

and

..."some days I do struggle the direction our relationship is going but all I can do is try my hardest and best I am just exhausted..."

So that's a solid dose of reality and something I have to take to heart. I have to keep reminding myself that this is hard for her and I have to be more patient with the process. I did let her know that I'm grateful that she's open and willing to share her feelings.

It's also hard for me to not shake the feeling that I am disappointing her. In fact it's hard not to arrive at that conclusion because anyone who has been through this has to realize that you definitely are disappointing your spouse. It certainly is a situation that sucks.

Her sharing her struggle with you matters. And your acknowledgment matters, too.

If she weren't struggling with it openly, it would signal that she is giving up. That does not appear to be the case. She is fighting her own perceptions to make this work.

Chin up. It could be much worse.

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 13, 2026, 06:45:30 PMHer sharing her struggle with you matters. And your acknowledgment matters, too.

If she weren't struggling with it openly, it would signal that she is giving up. That does not appear to be the case. She is fighting her own perceptions to make this work.

Chin up. It could be much worse.

That's exactly how I am interpreting it. Keeping the communication lines open is critical in such complex situations. It gets way worse when people shut down and close up. So I will definitely take this seriously and continue to make an effort to be very patient

Quote from: Jillian-TG on October 13, 2026, 05:29:16 PM"I'm just trying my best every day. It's not easy because it goes against everything that I am so just have patience. I'm just doing what I can some days it's OK some days it's not so just letting you know, but I do love you..."

This is a beautiful message. Serious, but beautiful and with hope. 💕