Charlotte's scratch post

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I fight those dark thoughts everyday. They haunt me and inject them selves into every quiet moment. I have been working on pushing them away and not letting myself complete the thought. I win some times, I don't always though.  Last night was rough for me too we just have to remember to not let them win. I really hope you find the help you need and am sorry that you are going through this. Please stay with us.

Thank you sweetie. I am winning as I've not reached for that bottle yet and I'm still trying to keep Charlotte strong. Its just getting harder unfortunately.

I hope you can keep finding some light and ways forward too. Sending you lots of love and hugs. 🩷

[Stottie Girl]

Charlotte, ADHD is not worth loosing your life over. Many people remain undiagnosed and live perfectly happy lives. When I was growing up nobody had even heard of ADHD.

Your issues frankly seem much deeper than ADHD and you are in the queue to deal with them. Don't get too depressed about ADHD and the governments failure to help people. It is grouped together with autism and is the poster child for benefit cheats etc as far as the right wing media is concerned and also sadly the general public increasingly. It is an easy way for governments to make savings by cutting services for these issues.

What will matter is the more serious recent referral you had for your other issue. I would try to focus on that if you can.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Charlotte, ADHD is not worth loosing your life over. Many people remain undiagnosed and live perfectly happy lives. When I was growing up nobody had even heard of ADHD.

Your issues frankly seem much deeper than ADHD and you are in the queue to deal with them. Don't get too depressed about ADHD and the governments failure to help people. It is grouped together with autism and is the poster child for benefit cheats etc as far as the right wing media is concerned and also sadly the general public increasingly. It is an easy way for governments to make savings by cutting services for these issues.

What will matter is the more serious recent referral you had for your other issue. I would try to focus on that if you can.

I guess I just need to accept and learn to live life with a house that's uncleaned in nearly 12 months and with no hobbies! I've burnt all my hobbies out now and nothing else really excites me. Its pretty scary and the evenings drag.

I will be glad in 6 month's when I get BPD therapy,though will probably clash with my GRS.

[Stottie Girl]

I guess I just need to accept and learn to live life with a house that's uncleaned in nearly 12 months and with no hobbies! I've burnt all my hobbies out now and nothing else really excites me. Its pretty scary and the evenings drag.

I will be glad in 6 month's when I get BPD therapy,though will probably clash with my GRS.

Pardon my french but I'm calling bullcr*p! I don't believe you have done everything there is to do hobby wise. Time to push the boundaries and find new ones. Have you ever tried watersports? have you ever tried woodwork or wood carving, tried your hand at proper photography in all genres, pottery making, Art classes, learned another language, learned how to bake, Gone to scientific lectures or joined a scientific society, been birdwatching, been to a new destination, taken up astrology, Learned craft skills like metalwork, basket weaving, Have you ever tried knitting. I think you are getting my point! Try things even if you don't think you won't like them, who knows, maybe you will! I know you will get bored with them eventually so then switch again, keep yourself and your mind active, that's the key.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Pardon my french but I'm calling bullcr*p! I don't believe you have done everything there is to do hobby wise. Time to push the boundaries and find new ones. Have you ever tried watersports? have you ever tried woodwork or wood carving, tried your hand at proper photography in all genres, pottery making, Art classes, learned another language, learned how to bake, Gone to scientific lectures or joined a scientific society, been birdwatching, been to a new destination, taken up astrology, Learned craft skills like metalwork, basket weaving, Have you ever tried knitting. I think you are getting my point! Try things even if you don't think you won't like them, who knows, maybe you will! I know you will get bored with them eventually so then switch again, keep yourself and your mind active, that's the key.

I haven't done everything lol. I just have zero motivation to do them. The thought of just engaging in something new just makes me feel physically nauseous. I feel like ive got bricks tied around my whole body and like Im suffocating just thinking about doing stuff. When I do try within 5 minutes I'm just not paying any attention anymore. Like i can read stuff without even taking in anything as my mind has gone.

I'm incapable of learning things that dont give an immediate reward.  I have tried and failed crafts and languages hundreds of times. But its never been any different. At school I didn't pay attention and just drifted then gave up. I scraped B to D grades at school only because my Dad threatened to kick me out the house if I failed. Anything now I only succeed in through fear. Thats why I hate work. I don't want to be there.  I only do it through fear of having enough means for us both to live. Fear and pressure are my key motivators. Not achievement.

[Devlyn ✅]

I guess I just need to accept and learn to live life with a house that's uncleaned in nearly 12 months and with no hobbies! I've burnt all my hobbies out now and nothing else really excites me. Its pretty scary and the evenings drag.

I will be glad in 6 month's when I get BPD therapy,though will probably clash with my GRS.

Oh lordy, if only my life was a whirlwind of exciting things. 🙂

No one climbs a mountain in one step, it's a whole series of little steps. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. By the same logic, you can't clean a whole house at once. Just clean a single window, preferably one with a nice view to enjoy, and call it forward progress. Tomorrow wipe down the refrigerator. Eventually the whole thing gets done. Then you start over. Yeah, houses are like that. 😀

Hugs, Devlyn

Edit to add: okay, I was busily one finger typing when you posted again. But I stand by my words.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Oh lordy, if only my life was a whirlwind of exciting things. 🙂

No one climbs a mountain in one step, it's a whole series of little steps. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. By the same logic, you can't clean a whole house at once. Just clean a single window, preferably one with a nice view to enjoy, and call it forward progress. Tomorrow wipe down the refrigerator. Eventually the whole thing gets done. Then you start over. Yeah, houses are like that. 😀

Hugs, Devlyn

Edit to add: okay, I was busily one finger typing when you posted again. But I stand by my words.

I try that way but even a piece of rubbish on the floor sits there days before I get the motovation to pick it  up. I try to keep up with the kitchen sides as best I can, but thats about my limit. By the time i get any motivation the kitchen needs doing again or the cat litters. Everywhere else is just 1/2 inch in dust, bedding changed every 2-3 months, bathroom at best every 3-4 months, everywhere else 12+ months ago!

Honestly i feel sick even thinking about doing any of it!

P.S. none of my windows have nice views hence the curtains are never opened all year!

[Captain.Val]

Dear Charlotte, the world is so much better with you in it.

I'm in a similar situation regarding finding health insurance-funded experts. When I was at a point where my life was on the line the insurance lady basically said, "yeah sorry, but regulations".

I found although not perfect, that Google's AI is incredibly helpful in talking through these issues and coming up with practical ways to deal with ADHD, transition questions and such (microroutines, tricking your reward systems). So while you're looking for a therapist, this can give you some support. Since it's AI it's worth noting that critical info is to be double-checked for actual merit.

Hang in there girl, you look awesome, and you're okay. Having these issues is *not* your fault.

[davina61]

My flat needs a good clean, I keep the kitchen clean, bathroom when it gets bad, bed 3 or 4 weeks and vacuum when I trip over bits! Printer I cant make work has been sat out for 4 weeks, might put it away today. Box telly came in has been sat in the hall for months along with another box, PIA to take to skip.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Thanks for all the messages. I think I've determined one thing - I only really feel good after going out and exercising with others. I feel great after running club and also after swimming. Well ive found a legs, bums and tums class which I'm gonna try. I cant gain weight so absolutely sure i can lose it and maybe shape my butt and hips that way. More so I think I'll feel great in a room full of other women!

There isn't one right near me on a convenient evening. Maybe i should learn to deliver that class then? That'd be the most affirming thing ever if i did lol.

Charlotte

@Stottie Girl @Devlyn @Valerie.Val  @davina61

[Devlyn ✅]

I've always said:

"I don't mind being the butt of a joke, what I don't like is this joke of a butt." 

An old boyfriend of mine says:

"You can always tell a T-girl. Back like a bullfrog, no butt, great legs."

He's not wrong.

And the old standby:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."

Change what you can (and want to change). Learn to accept the rest.

Hugs, Devlyn

[tammy753]

I remember my mom said I was easier to be around after I exercise. I think its the stress release. Hmm maybe I need to exercise too, does eating tacos count? I have to drive the 2 miles to get them if that helps.

I am relieved that you are feeling better. You have found something that works for you and that is the most important thing.

[Devlyn ✅]

I remember my mom said I was easier to be around after I exercise. I think its the stress release. Hmm maybe I need to exercise too, does eating tacos count? I have to drive the 2 miles to get them if that helps.

I am relieved that you are feeling better. You have found something that works for you and that is the most important thing.

By all accounts you're all "kneecaps and elbows" when you're driving the Mustang so I'd say that counts as exercise! 😂

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

An old boyfriend of mine says:

"You can always tell a T-girl. Back like a bullfrog, no butt, great legs."

He's not wrong.

And the old standby:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."

Change what you can (and want to change). Learn to accept the rest.

Hugs, Devlyn

Accurate apart from the legs! Thats another fight I'm having with very bad strawberry legs and hundreds of spots and sores. Now using isotretinoin and going to see if laser sorts it. Most of the follicles have 3+ hairs from each and are hard like bristles on a broom!

[Lori Dee ✅]

Thats another fight I'm having with very bad strawberry legs and hundreds of spots and sores. Now using isotretinoin and going to see if laser sorts it. Most of the follicles have 3+ hairs from each and are hard like bristles on a broom!

Charlotte,

This may not help, but I had a similar issue years ago. When I moved to South Dakota, I didn't bring any furniture with me. I got lucky and found a college kid who was moving out of his parents' house, and he sold me two recliner chairs for $20.

Shortly after that, I noticed the same issues with the backs of my thighs. I figured it was ingrown hairs. Then I wondered if the previous owner had used upholstery cleaner on the chairs and perhaps left some residue. I vacuumed them thoroughly, and when that didn't help, I rented a steam cleaner and gave them a good go. But even that didn't help.

I started covering the chair seat with a clean cotton towel. I changed the towel often, and suddenly the issue began to fade.

I suspect something in the fabric, or possibly the dye, was irritating my legs. Now, I lay a towel down anytime I am not wearing long pants. The problem has all but completely gone now.

Maybe your skin is more sensitive than mine and is causing the reaction. It can't hurt to try. I hope you can figure it out soon. I know how annoying that can be.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Charlotte,

This may not help, but I had a similar issue years ago. When I moved to South Dakota, I didn't bring any furniture with me. I got lucky and found a college kid who was moving out of his parents' house, and he sold me two recliner chairs for $20.

Shortly after that, I noticed the same issues with the backs of my thighs. I figured it was ingrown hairs. Then I wondered if the previous owner had used upholstery cleaner on the chairs and perhaps left some residue. I vacuumed them thoroughly, and when that didn't help, I rented a steam cleaner and gave them a good go. But even that didn't help.

I started covering the chair seat with a clean cotton towel. I changed the towel often, and suddenly the issue began to fade.

I suspect something in the fabric, or possibly the dye, was irritating my legs. Now, I lay a towel down anytime I am not wearing long pants. The problem has all but completely gone now.

Maybe your skin is more sensitive than mine and is causing the reaction. It can't hurt to try. I hope you can figure it out soon. I know how annoying that can be.

Thanks Lori. I'll give that a try as both back upper legs from the knee and all over my butt. It was painful sittind yesterday and some turn into sores that last months. Can see a deep sore just up from my knee and a brown mark they leave after near the top. I'm not sure if the dark marks will ever disappear tbh.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I'm not sure if the dark marks will ever disappear tbh.

If they are like mine, they fade over time. I think they are scar tissue from the sores.

[davina61]

I have brown marks on my shin from walking into stuff and cutting it, they have faded but still there. Have you tried Savlon anti scar cream?

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I have brown marks on my shin from walking into stuff and cutting it, they have faded but still there. Have you tried Savlon anti scar cream?

Oooh I'll  try that thank you. At the moment im covering my legs in Sudocrem which is bringing the sores and lumps  down. Problem is its white and thick so hard to hide