What do you do when you get clocked and laughed or stared at?

[Andris]

Depends on situation. But rare occassion it is when I can smile easily or say something half serious/half funny and walk away.
I mean, without T - I mostly feel myself a real pacifist and some weak freak: keeping the pain inside (later complaining or making jokes about it, but) at that moment standing embarassed, numb all over in body.
Since I've been wearing men's clothes, not unisex pieces or mixed up, people recognizes me as a "fag/sissy", sometimes a teenage boy. Since I've been using men's deodorant/after shave (just because of fragrances) it's even better - they suppose I'm a teenage boy.
But there were many times I had problems because of my look/attitude.

- Once, holding hands with my ex-girlfriend, at night a young man followed us by shouting "dirty, asslicking fags" etc. It was cold outside so our chests could not be seen, also hair and how we moved... that was not girly. My ex was considered masculine, I was called a sissy, feminine guy. He tried to beat my ex, then me... then, by sudden my ex showed her tits to that idiot, so he was shocked and left us. I could hit him on face but I didn't do anything just staring at the ground.
- A day after a small group attacked us, one hit me on face - we spent all night in hospital to get know what happened (fortunately nothing serious). And what could I do when he attacked me? I was staring in front of him, dizzy because of pushed away many times in a blink of an eye. I could not run away or think about shouting for help or whatever... I felt numb, then also in my face. Yeah, I'm a sissy or what.
- Recently I've been working for a hipermarket (as student-work) and the workers just make silly moments. So I can smile after all. That's all I can do. Like I was in women's changing room (as non-op and without T, I'm terrified of being together with bio-men... altough, women are not a lot better), and after work two older women asked me if I were a girl or boy because if a boy they really enjoyed my curious visit, they felt sexy whatsoever. That made us laugh. But when I stay with the guys (that means I can be a guy for 3 minutes, until I gotta tell my orig. name to the group leader, give my sign. - being a freak...) I always get some sooo hard work or "just go the cosmetics, you must have soft hands, haha!" - I never holler back. And it bothers me so much.

With my friends... I'd do anything to my friends - then I can also control the attackers' hands. I would not hit them, but hold them back to avoid future problems.

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

[Felix]

Please stick around, Andris.

[Cindy]

Sorry you had to go through that Andris.
I do not mean this in any patronising way. I think I'm well known for being honest.

You have proved yourself to be a man by standing your ground, supporting your friends and protecting your girlfriend. Even if you had female clothing on you were still the man.
You should be proud of yourself.
Bullies and yobs will go after any guy they think are smaller than them. It is fact of life that some teenage boys are just fools who need to hit someone smaller or more vulnerable than themselves. When they are drunk they may even be stupid enough to try it against someone bigger or meaner. That demonstrates their IQ = 0.

No man who gets attacked by a fool like these should ever feel less of  a man for it. You have very little chance against unprovoked attack, even if you have training. And remember these yobs have been training by beating people up. They also have the upper body strength that you will develop when on T. They also have feeble brains.

Also your work situation, don't let these stupid people put you off or intimidate you. You are young and growing and are very brave. You will develop and learn how to deal with these situations. The thing we have to learn is confidence. Not brash stupidity but confidence. Believe in your self, if you don't no one else will. It takes time but every step is an important one.

Tell your supervisor that you are not a freak and resent any such remark, keep a written diary of such comments and when the time is right inform senior management. Who knows senior management may contain someone like me . Then it's payback time baby . 'Cos I do not allow people working for me to act in that way. And I have the legal right to correct it. And I have. And I do.

I know these situations and laws change around the world etc but the human principle is the same. And by posting here you will get the support and who knows there may be a member in your town who can help out. This is not far fetched. I am in personal contact with many members who are very close friends and we do help each other out.

Sort of like a Trans sexual Rotary Club Now there is an idea.

Take care my brother and keep well

Cindy

[annette]

Sorry to hear Andris.
A very bad experience.
Those dumbo's who attacked you are nothing more than wild dogs you know, a lot of courage in a group, but when they are alone they run away, those cowards.
You did the right thing for not escalating the situation.

hugs
Annette

[Jeneva]

Ugh!  I'm having to deal with this again.  While I had my extensions in I was passing or at least not getting the snickers and points.  Unfortunately they all got glued together and the bonds started breaking down so I had to take them out.  So now I get clocked ALL the time.  It doesn't help that it is so crowded right now because of holiday shopping.  Hopefully the FFS will help a lot, but I got just a bit longer to wait on that and then the recovery period.  I think I'm going to start wearing one of my cold weather hats constantly just to help hide the hairline that is killing my passing.

To get back on topic, if I'm by myself I will sometimes try eye contact and that seems to stop it right away.  I try to just shrug it off when I'm with the kids though since I don't want to risk any kind of confrontation when they are around.  I've never had anyone push it further after eye contact, but it isn't worth the risk to them even if it is exceptionally unlikely.  Now having said that I'm usually dealing with a bored husband dragged along to the store with his wife and not teens.  It is funny but around here it is the older people that are so hostile.  Around here anything different makes you an outsider.  Just my lip rings alone are enough to get sneers.  Ironically I don't have trouble with teens that much at all.  They are either too self involved or get the same sneers from the adults and so are almost allies for me.

[Cindy]

Jeneva,

Just a comment; who are you making eye contact too and why?
I never make eye contact with men unless I want them to react. I'm pretty sure most woman are the same. Woman to woman it is all eye contact when talking, but you have already noticed what they are wearing and how they are feeling before we meet.
Guys look at people and make eye contact as a status. Basic Humanoid behaviour, if you as a female and start to make eye contact with a guy you are inviting him into your personal area and that is where all the signals go haywire.

I won't spell them out but some creatures think you are trying to attract them and if they do not like your appearance they can be negative.

As for piercings, don't get put off. They are a very personal thing that many people do not understand, I dislike them, but then again my ears are pierced, I love them. I dislike tattoos, but I can appreciate the art. 

Some times we need to explain if we can. That might sound daft, a person maybe an older person looks at your piercings and looks horrified. Have you ever thought of explaining them to them?  ' I'm sorry you don't like my lip rings but they mean this and that to me. Do you have children or grandchildren who do this? Do you know why?

The biggest problem people have is lack of communication. You people, youngsters, have more means to communicate than anyone before you. Some times talking to someone can be the beginning of great understanding. For both of you..

Hugs

Cindy

[Jeneva]

When I make eye contact it isn't at all flirting. The comments I get aren't meant to be heard by me so when I look them in the eye I'm going for more of a busted stare.

And while I'd love to be a teen again I'm actually twice that old.

[nickikim]

You *can* actually kill people (it is, infact, rather east). That does not mean you should

that's why I have to remember there are cameras everywhere ......
When I feel threatened, I butch up, maybe I need to learn to bitch up instead...
but sometimes they stare cause you look good.

[Mahsa Tezani]

that's why I have to remember there are cameras everywhere ......
When I feel threatened, I butch up, maybe I need to learn to bitch up instead...
but sometimes they stare cause you look good.

It depends on the person. Women never stare at me, every male seems to be staring at me...But it doesn't feel confused or hostile.

[pidgeontoed]

I've never been clocked, well, because I've never been out. However, there's a pretty humorous story that I'll probably make into a "You had to be there" story, but it involved me and a friend and slightly my trans-ness in a not-out-yet kind of way

I was out with my roommate's girl friend and her friend (also female). We were leaving the bar last week when I was trying to mimic a tone my roommate's gf was making for whatever reason. As we crossed the street, she said jokingly: "You're a terrible girl!" and some drunk frat guys walking by the other way said "So are you!" in a mocking tone. So, I turned around and started walking backwards laughing hysterically and saying "OMG Did you hear what he just said??? HAHAHA". I have a very punctuated laugh (especially when slightly intoxicated...) that I know could cut deep, but as we walked away I told her, still loudly, what he said and then immediately followed with "... which is ENTIRELY untrue!" They said "Aw, why don't we hang out with you more?", and it felt great to stand up against that kind of attitude. First time I ever actually did that actually...

[Andris]

Thank y'all for support and kind words. I strongly agree and feel that hitting back wouldn't be better,  does not make them or somebody else masculine. By standing numb I feel as they see me as non-feeling anything or as "mute = acceptance (of bully) - and/but I also hope to get some better look or something soon.
I wonder if somebody here had bad experience, bully because of naturally dense eyelashes?(!) After all, I can smile how they dare judge a men by eyelashes. Funny and sad at the same time, isn't it?

About eye contact... As noticed here, sometimes it's pretty hard to use less facial expressions when you're a real open-minded, honest kind of and picked somebody by chance who is less tolerant/practiced on this subject. (For instance, city of millions vs village of hundreds... family experience, cultural differences and that silly "men should not watch men" or "women watching men or men watching women mean flirting" attitude. Non-written attitudes and habits you should follow but you don't know the "rules" yet because you were/are trapped in a role tought by society.)

Back to the topic...
I wish I had more humorous story like pidgeontoed told! Soft(!) humour definitely would help us, everybody, in my opinion.
(When I'm stared at by parents and their children, it happens that adults call me "girl" and the toddlers and smaller children repeat strongly that "it's a he, a boy!!!"... Children are so pure and open minded when watching somebody, they're not staring so I always say hello back - I really like them. This happened today again.)

[Tazia of the Omineca]

I'm kind of dumb, so I don't usually realize when I am laughed at, or stared at.
I just sort of carry on my way.

[Kelly-087]

I saw either a CD or TS that looked completely femme but had -not- worked on their voice in the slightest, on the train. Some guy started laughing after she got off the train. I looked at him and said "She looks good in a dress, you're just fat." His wife thought it was hilarious.

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

I saw either a CD or TS that looked completely femme but had -not- worked on their voice in the slightest, on the train. Some guy started laughing after she got off the train. I looked at him and said "She looks good in a dress, you're just fat." His wife thought it was hilarious.

[Jayr]

Throw my dick at them.

[Felix]

Throw my dick at them.

I need to get myself a dick. Throwing a medicine spoon just isn't as fun.

[Keaira]

Throw my dick at them.

I'm sorry, that made me giggle! It reminded me of that scene from Sorority boys where they have the sword fight with the... well, you get the idea.

I don't really get the chance much to be stared at. At work it's like being a celebrity. Everyone knows about me! and I do mean everyone. I caught one press operator staring at my butt when I was changing a mold and I did a cute wiggle.
But I've never noticed being openly stared at in the 'predatorial-type' way.

Well.. until today that is. There was this other press operator who was watching me do a mold change. I have no idea who he is but it was kind of creeping me out. But I got the mold change done, went over to him and told him to take a picture, it would last longer and walked off with fake indignance.

[nickikim]

I need to get myself a dick. Throwing a medicine spoon just isn't as fun.

Again we need an unwanted parts exchange program,

[Joeyboo~ :3]

Smile and keep being pretty for all of them. c: