What do you do when you get clocked and laughed or stared at?

[AbraCadabra]

What do you do when you get clocked and laughed or stared at?

I think it is one of the most feared situations, imagined or real, feeling ridiculed? FOR BEING YOU?!

It takes me back many years when a work colleague / friend had this "bad habit" more a >-bleeped-<e-habit to laugh at things he didn't either understand you said or more so, didn't agree with. A sort of derisive laugh.

To me it's a sign that the person, in EST talk, is actually an >-bleeped-<.
In practically every case they, the ones that do the laughing, are "verklemmt" (uptight, inhibited, somehow neurotic). So please bear that in mind. They seem to have learned to project THEIR uneasiness (Verklemmtheit) due to their own inhibitions ONTO OTHERS, you.

I used to get pretty uptight myself when this guy did it, and then got the idea to laugh derisively straight back at him --- jolly much in the same manner as he did. IT JUST STOPPED HIM DEAD IN HIS TRACKS, as if he had hit a brick wall. His projection didn't work for him anymore, hey.

I would NEVER do such, if not being prompted by someone's mindless unkind derisive laughing at me. But yes, if it happens I laugh right back into their faces and as it happens they think now all of the sudden, is there something wrong with THEM? Zip open? Shirt-tail hanging out? Smudge of egg on their chin, etc. heehee.

In a more kindly scenario just laughing back may change the mood and so we both might just laugh about how silly it is all - and move on from there.

A milder form involves just some stunned, dumb, looks that stick to you.
If that happens I would sweetly approach that person, smile at them and may just say 'hello", and "how are you today" or share my being annoyed about a slow moving queue at a bank counter or at the post-office.

In the end it take always the right attitude AND NOT, NEVER! being aggro EVER.
Like learn to smile at the devil and he will just go away --- at least most of the time.

How about you guys and girls?

Axelle

[apple pie]

Last time it happened, I did nothing at all I just looked away, walked on and did whatever I was going to do... (I think it was to buy a McDonald's meal but can't really remember now hehe)

[Vaerama]

What do you do when you get clocked and laughed or stared at?

Laughed at: Smile and laugh along with them.
Stared at: Make a cute snap and a cuter wiggle.

I think it is one of the most feared situations, imagined or real, feeling ridiculed? FOR BEING YOU?!

I'm rather dulled to it... I survived middle and high school where I was cast socially among the druggies and outcast openly as a woman since early middle school. Ridicule of me is almost nothing to me. It's hard to get under my skin by ridicule.

It takes me back many years when a work colleague / friend had this "bad habit" more a >-bleeped-<e-habit to laugh at things he didn't either understand you said or more so, didn't agree with. A sort of derisive laugh.

Derisive laughter is 100% mockable. Every time someone laughs derisively at me or anyone I like: I laugh back with a cruel scoff at their fail laugh. The message gets across fast

I used to get pretty uptight myself when this guy did it, and then got the idea to laugh derisively straight back at him --- jolly much in the same manner as he did. IT JUST STOPPED HIM DEAD IN HIS TRACKS, as if he had hit a brick wall. His projection didn't work for him anymore, hey.

Hey, I just recommended this :O Maybe I should read through responses fully in the future... but too much time wasted ^_^

I would NEVER do such, if not being prompted by someone's mindless unkind derisive laughing at me. But yes, if it happens I laugh right back into their faces and as it happens they think now all of the sudden, is there something wrong with THEM? Zip open? Shirt-tail hanging out? Smudge of egg on their chin, etc. heehee.

It's that their hands are sweaty and they just got an STI from the girl they had a quickie with in the storage closet but 10 minutes ago.

In the end it take always the right attitude AND NOT, NEVER! being aggro EVER.
Like learn to smile at the devil and he will just go away --- at least most of the time.

100% agreement with this. Only time I am aggro is when my personal space is repeatedly and annoyingly violated despite warnings. So it only affects children and I exhibit this aggro by bodily lifting them, carrying them somewhere... and setting them down. Walk away. Repeat as necessary.

[Vaerama]

When it has happened I honestly feel like killing people. I know I can't actually do that so I just grit my teeth and wish death upon them.

You *can* actually kill people (it is, infact, rather east). That does not mean you should

[noeleena]

Hi

For me it's  im seen as different . as to clocked . if i wasn't   id be more surprised. People will allways look at me, & i dont try & hide the fact of im a masculine  looking woman facial wise any ways,

& no its not a problem , because im accepted  by so many people it does not matter .

Any way the nice thing is i get to talk to lots of people . so it has its good side , for me any way.

To do what i do you have to be a very strong woman. & enjoy what you do,& my pic denotes that,

...noeleena...

[Cindy]

The only time I had a problem was at a supermarket, I was being 'followed' by three large Neanderthals. I ended up waiting to get served at the delhi section and one of them, a rather ugly and very smelly person, came over and invaded my space and stared at my face. I became quite frightened and just  walked away and left the store.

I was at a restaurant and as I walked to the table I heard a couple say 'Look at this one' so I went to their table and asked what they wanted to look at. They went bright red, totally embarrassed and my sister in law and I sat at the table next to them and had a nice meal while they did not.

I felt fine.

Cindy 

[jsorter]

I was at a walmart once when I turned a corner, running into a young girl that worked there. She immediately laughed and yelled at a co worker to come to her, saying "she found an it!" All I could do is run out of the store. Once I got to my car I cried for over an hour!

[Arch]

Very often, I didn't have much time to respond. In certain venues, such as the women's restroom, it could be dangerous to respond. Most of the time, I was so ashamed of being trans that I tried to ignore the other person.

But I very clearly remember one confrontation that had a successful outcome. My ex and I were going into a Chinese restaurant, and two...young women were coming out. There was some discussion about "what" I was; one of the girls started yelling in a snotty voice, "Excuse me! Excuse me!" We turned, and she said, "Is that a girl or a boy?" I, as usual, was caught off guard, so there was a long silence while we all stared at each other. Finally, my ex said in a very even voice, "Does it matter?" It was clear that they weren't going to get any satisfaction out of us, so they left.

I know now that he didn't really "get" the trans thing the way I thought he did, but I am still very thankful to him for what he said that day. Years later, when I was immediately pre-transition and early in transition, I came up with all sorts of retorts. I don't think I had to use any of them at all.

[Eve of chaos]

i've only been stared at. and i think talked about. but I ahev bad hearing so i dont really know

but when i feel like its happening I just start to act more girly and basically not care.

I guess i go into the mindset to change their minds with my actions and make them think they were wrong in their assumptions.

I fear it like the plague but when it actually happens i tend to find some sort of strength to overcome it. idk.

[Kelly J. P.]

When I get laughed at or stared at, as a result of probable clocking, I just pretend like it isn't happening, and forget about it. I'm pretty sure it's my Adam's apple a lot of the time... but who knows.

[Felix]

I'm glad this thread got revived.

When I get clocked and laughed or stared at, I usually just ignore it and don't react. Sometimes I get snarly with the person. Once in awhile I'll replay it too many times in my head and start feeling bad. If I'm already fragile, I might rush away and cry privately.

Usually, though, I don't get made fun of. Staring and rude questions is more the norm, and I try to be fair and keep in mind that I didn't used to understand trans people either. Ignorance is what it is.

[jsorter]

Felix, reading your last sentence brightend my outlook for an unknown reason. You rock!

[mixie]

Well I know I annoy the crap out of you all when I do this, but I do like to share my gender clocking mishaps.


So my husband for about 8 years had hair all the way down to his butt and I have very short hair. I have a masculine hairline in the back of my head, or so I've been told by hairdressers.  I hate hair on the back of my neck but when they taper it it looks very masculine.

So one day hubby and I are walking down the street and some punk runs up to us to get in our face because he thought we were two guys but then he realized and just made a stupid comment about my husband's hair.  I've learned never to hold his hand walking up the street.  Trouble.

Another time I went into Starbucks and was looking at coffee mugs when a manger came up and asked if he could "Help you sir" and then I turned and he went blood red in the face and I got free cappuccino.   

But when I was younger I was clocked as a trans for the LONGEST time.  I got beaten up by two black kids in the middle of Charles Street in Baltimore Maryland.   Right in the middle of the street, hanging out with my adorable gay friend, and this man got out of his car to stop it and then got back in and left because he thought I was a trans.

[Felix]

That's useful input mixie, not annoying.

[xXRebeccaXx]

OMG I run into people from my old school ALL THE TIME, and usually when 3 girls from my old school see me, the laugh at me or confront me and tell me all sots of transphobic bullsh!t. When that happens I flip them off.

[stldrmgrl]

I do nothing to suggest I feel there's anything wrong with me.

If someone is laughing at me, I ignore them so much as to not even glance at them.  I think back to my childhood when I was ignorant and laughed at people.  Nothing pissed me off more than laughing at someone and have them pay absolutely no attention to me.  Inside my mind I would be screaming, "Damn it, look at me!  Look at me laughing at you!  I want you to know I'm laughing at you!"  In return, people who laugh only get an epic fail if the person they're laughing at doesn't pay them any mind.

If I am being clocked or stared at, I flaunt my femininity.  Not to persuade their mind into believing they were incorrect in their curiosity, but to show them that I'm in no way humiliated by how I look.

This is all now, of course.  Prior to, I was self-conscious and would in some cases try to act more masculine/become confrontational; this in turn proved to be a waste of time as the person would actually laugh, stare, point or clock even more.  As well, this only took me further away from who I truly was and I realized I'd never transition if I continued to live by other people's opinion.  Though I claim the masculinity rise as a simple defense mechanism, thankfully I have built my courage and lack of care for rude people up high enough to no longer need it.  People want to own that moment in time they take to laugh, stare, point and/or clock; they want you to take that moment out of your life and give it to them; I choose not to.  They aren't deserving of it.

[genderfxck]

I stare and laugh right back. Everyone deserves respect, regardless of what gender they may be or present, and it shouldn't be accepted to be treated less than human.

[annette]

fortunately I'm never clocked as a girl, people tought I was a girl before transition, I was one of those lucky bastars with no facial or body hair and a voice between male and female.
A friend of mine who was in transition was living in the center of a small town, with a lot of shops in the streets.
One day I would come to her, she told me she would get some wine and than we would have a nice talk, I told her I would wait in front of her house in case she wasn't back yet.
I was waiting there and saw my friend coming with the wine, while she was walking trough the crowded street, there were some guys from a shop yelling at her, to yelled nepkut, I can translate it to fake vag, I saw my friend shrinking under those harsh words.
I became angry and went to the shop, asking for the manager.
When he arrived I told him what happend in the street and I told him that it was a bad commercial for his store.
I also told him that I wouldn't buy anything from the shop and I would ask family and friends to do the same, till he had employers working with some kind of civilisation.
We don't do bussiness with punks.
He could only say, yes maám, i will take care of that.
Don't know or he did but I had to make a statement and the best way to punish is to hit them where it hurts, in this case, money.
My friend told me that this was going on for months and she didn't go outside the house often because of the yelling to her.
I hope the manager fired them.

[fionabell]

What do you do when you get clocked and laughed or stared at?

I just do nothing. I get snipish comments.

I think that it's actually the best way to do nothing because gg girls do nothing(and it works), and when they get pushed to action they wipe the floor and men are dithering idiots.

I've noticed back talk goes against me. I don't mind being called a fag but when I get called a man it hurts.

[Annah]

I took a trans friend with me to Barnes and Noble last week. There was a table of middle aged women looking over at her and snickering. I could tell in my friend's eyes she was mortified.

So I turned around and stared at them. I mean I STARED at them. I wouldn't let my glare off of them for at least seven minutes. That's a very long time when someone stares you down. They shifted in their sits and were very uncomfortable because everytime they turned their heads to look at my friend they saw me there. Still staring at them with my arms crossed.

If I did not work there I would have approached them and inquired about their age and ask if they have yet to mentally surpass the High School mentality yet.

But since I worked there, I didn't want to do anything stupid as I just got the job there over a month ago.

But I stared them down until they got up and left the building.

I do not tolerate immature BS from anyone who hurts a friend of mine.