Good Jokes & Funny Quotes

[Danielle Emmalee]

I'm afraid if you believe that you don't know how Canadians feel about losing hockey games.

When Vancouver lost the Stanley Cup in 2011,

[Danielle Emmalee]

Caption:Meanwhile, back at the safehouse...



And you thought all the loose ends were tied up in the series finale....

[Danielle Emmalee]

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5f24c5785e/huell-s-rules" title="from Lavell Crawford, Andy Bush, Caleb Swyers, Funny Or Die, Ross Buran, mattmazany, BoTown Sound, and kevinstewart">Huell&#x27;s Rules</a> from <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/lavell_crawford">Lavell Crawford</a>      <iframe src="http://www.facebook.com/plugins/like.php?app_id=138711277798&amp;href=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyordie.com%2Fvideos%2F5f24c5785e%2Fhuell-s-rules&amp;send=false&amp;layout=button_count&amp;width=150&amp;show_faces=false&amp;action=like&amp;height=21

[dalebert]

[Amelia Pond]

[Amelia Pond]

[Danielle Emmalee]

Black Friday: Because only in Canada, companies have a sale date based on another country's Holiday.

[Amelia Pond]

[dalebert]

Black girls hear about a chicken, of course this'll happen.

Why? Because black people love chicken?

Don't be racist. Because they're all on heroin.

From Orange is the New Black.

And later on...

You know how Russians love chicken.

[dalebert]

[dalebert]

Shia LaQueef

http://youtu.be/lrbKuOaVF3k?t=3m47s

[dalebert]

I'll write your mom into the book and kill your mom. -Steve Zaragosa as George R.R. Martin

[dalebert]

Wil Wheaton ‏@wilw 6m
Charlie Sheen and Rob Ford walk into a bar. The bar's owner buys a yacht.

[Beth Andrea]

[dalebert]

I don't know why people insist on saying something's a true story. It obviously isn't, but it doesn't matter. It's still funny.

[Amelia Pond]

I don't know why people insist on saying something's a true story. It obviously isn't, but it doesn't matter. It's still funny.

It's only funny if it's true. Who could think something fictional is funny? 

Amy

[Beth Andrea]

I don't know why people insist on saying something's a true story. It obviously isn't, but it doesn't matter. It's still funny.

Probably because they figure someone will ask, "Gee, I wonder if this is true..?" and saying it is, adds to the humor.

If they said, "Hey here's a funny, but it's not true, it didn't happen" that takes away a big part of the humor element...

Apologies for the ANALysis of the foonnee bhone...

[dalebert]

http://www.>-bleeped-<.com/r/rpg/comments/1qb0vl/35_never_cast_continual_flame_after_6th_lvl/

[–]alexwilson
The archon can cast Continual Flame for you once summoned, not use the the archon itself as a light.

[–]tigonometry
See... that's what I thought they were doing. "You there! Minor being of heaven! Be my torch, biatch!"
Give a good excuse for a higher level being to come down and given them a really stern talking to.

[–]FlamingFreedom
Well... at least it's better than that time our druid summoned a unicorn and said "You there! Magical fey creature of the forest and universal symbol of purity and innocence! Be my dildo!"

[–]tigonometry
There has got to be a longer story behind this.
Lemmie go get a juice box.

[JillSter]

The American justice system in all its flawless integrity and virtue.

[Beth Andrea]

The American justice system in all its flawless integrity and virtue.

Hey, it's all about the lawyers.



And insurance companies.