How important is it really?

[MySongIsLaughter]

I guess for me passing isn't more important than being myself - I wanna pass as me basically, whatever that entails! But I am aware of how people's interractions with me are affected by their perception of my gender so I think it's important to at least be at a point where people aren't sure either way!

This is very much my current position, though. I think it's likely that passing will be more important when I finish uni!

[TSJasmine]

I personally don't see it as all that big of a deal. I mean, yeah, it's something I want to be one day, but I feel like everyone can & will be passable with enough years on HRT. Like, it's not INSANELY important to me. I don't see what the big deal is about looking 100% completely like a female in the shortest amount of time possible. Just take your hormones, live your life, & don't worry about how people perceive you. They'll either A. find you attractive or B. won't find you attractive. Regardless of what they register you as in their brain. Other peoples opinions aren't what drive someone's life & if they are then who are they really living for? Others? I know no one on this site will say that they transitioned for acceptance of others.

So, yeah. To me, passibility is nice, but not necessary for me at this point in time. I have no doubt in my mind that I will be very passable one day so I don't let it bother me.

[androgynouspainter26]

I thought I would pass without question after a few years on hormones too.  Just keep in mind that you might be wrong-I was, and it's causing me a lot of emotional discomfort.  Nobody should go into transition expecting or not expecting to pass.  You need to be prepared to be treated as a freak for the rest of your life.  It may not turn out that way, but just as likely it shall.  That's the risk we take.

[Trillium]

As long as I'm treated and referred to as a woman I really don't mind if I pass or not.

[Devlyn]

I'm noticing more and more that every famous transgender artist, writer, actor, really anyone is either transitioning after becoming successful or completely passible.  It makes me begin to wonder what the impact of this would be on my own aspirations!  Correct me if I'm wrong, but it stands to reason that even among a mostly accepting crowd there's bound to be a glass celling for those of us who have no choice but to live openly.  I feel like I'm in a cycle right now-I need to be passible so I can make money so I can make my self passible so I can have a career...it's ridiculous really, especially because I'm non-binary, but this still keeps darting through my head.  Sometimes I pass, other times I don't...at any rate, I'm far from being able to just put this whole sorry affair behind me without having some heavy face and chest work done.  I feel like I'm driving myself insane!  Thoughts?

I thought I would pass without question after a few years on hormones too.  Just keep in mind that you might be wrong-I was, and it's causing me a lot of emotional discomfort.  Nobody should go into transition expecting or not expecting to pass.  You need to be prepared to be treated as a freak for the rest of your life.  It may not turn out that way, but just as likely it shall.  That's the risk we take.

I'm not even going to address the topic. I want to know if you're OK. Always here if you want to talk.

Hugs, Devlyn

[TSJasmine]

I thought I would pass without question after a few years on hormones too.  Just keep in mind that you might be wrong-I was, and it's causing me a lot of emotional discomfort.  Nobody should go into transition expecting or not expecting to pass.  You need to be prepared to be treated as a freak for the rest of your life.  It may not turn out that way, but just as likely it shall.  That's the risk we take.

I'm talking YEARS. Not sure how long you've been on hormones, but I doubt it's been 4+ years. Also, to have such a negative outlook is terrible. You might want to talk to a therapist about those perspective issues because many people have it way worse than us. Atleast we have free ability. Would you rather be comfortable with being cis but be paraplegic ? Probably not. Learn to be happy with the cards you're given & play the game to the best of your ability.

Edit: Actually, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just confident that one day I will be a passable person. I'm not sure what struggles you deal with or how bad your dysphoria is. I have to remind myself that we all have struggles. I still stand by my thoughts that whether you think you'll pass or not, you should atleast try to be happier with a better outlook on the subject because it's something you'll likely have to endure everyday as a trans individual.

[androgynouspainter26]

Yeah...I'd sorta like this topic to die right now.  It's bringing up a lot of crises I'd rather avoid.  I'm not ok, but I'm not completely devistated either; in hopes of keeping it that way, I'm gonna delete the thread if people keep commenting :/

[Nevara]

Yeah...I'd sorta like this topic to die right now.  It's bringing up a lot of crises I'd rather avoid.  I'm not ok, but I'm not completely devistated either; in hopes of keeping it that way, I'm gonna delete the thread if people keep commenting :/

Look I think the whole hugboxing attitude here can get toxic to some of us like you who tend to see the world in a more pragmatric light. The fact is you will be treated better if you pass, you will face less discrimination and your life will generally be better. That's the harsh truth. You can try rationalizing not passing any way you want but it's not going to make you feel better if you're anything like me when it comes to this subject.

Start looking at it logically and addressing each issue one by one. What is preventing you from passing? 95% of it is fixable in some way and the 5% you can't change won't clock you.

Voice?. Go practice. ANYONE can sound like a woman and you don't need amazing range to do it because you don't have yo sound like a pixie. Listen to a woman like Rachel Meadow talk - her voice is lower pitched than my natural voice and it still sounds 100% feminine.

Mannerisms? Just like voice, practice. Watch cis women and emulate.

Face? There's FFS.

Hair? Wig or transplant

Can't afford surgeries? Get a job and save up.

You have to realize that waiting for something to happen is bound to accomplish nothing. If you're not in school, go to college or a trade school. Get good grades. Come out of it and get a job. Being an artist is a great hobby but if you want to make it through your transition, you need to be reasonably financially independant. If that means playing a male for your job interview or for work, that's a sacrifice you're gonna have to make.

You won't be comfortable during your transition. Hell you probably won't be very happy either, but if passing is your end goal, you need to sit down and make the hard sacrifices to make it happen. Your transition will be hell but the point is to make it out of it with your goals achieved.

I know I'm gonna need plenty of work to be passable and living without SRS isn't something I can handle either, but I buckled down, got the navy to pay for my med school, put on my best guy mode every day and get through it for the next 3 years. Yeah it's unpleasant but the alternative leaves me $250k in debt and no shot at getting the procedures I want and living how i want before I'm 30.

[JustASeq]

From my experience being gendered appropriately by strangers has been 1/2 perceived gender expression 1/2 passibility. Being gendered correctly is pretty high up on my list of important things. When I'm not, I become completely unproductive and feel absolutely horrible and dwell on it. So for me, putting effort into the way I am expressing myself is my only option. Passibility is something that can be changed easily but I can control my presentation.

So yeah, I care some about passing. At least enough to make sure they are picking up what I am putting down.