Anyone here not doing HRT or reasignment surgery?

[TessaMarie]

I was very interested in knowing why some transsexuals are non operative.

Hi Jaz,

I am on HRT, but am planning on remaining non-op indefinitely.  I have a few reasons for this.  In order:

[1]  I have become comfortable being me.  HRT has given me that.  Why change something that is working ?
[2]  Cost  -  FFS or SRS would almost certainly end my marriage 
[3]  Fear of surgery  -  Specifically fear that I would have permanent nerve damage after surgery 
[4]  Really do NOT want to endure the recovery periods 
[5]  Do not wish to have to dilate for the rest of my life 

I am not taking HRT because I want to become physically female, I am taking HRT so that I can enjoy my life.  The measures I am taking to improve how I cope are working, so why change them ?   My life is really good just now.  I have finally become comfortable being me.  I am not entirely male & a long way from female.  I am just trans, and that is OK. 

I very much wish to remain married.  My wife & I are still very much in love with each other, even with all we have had to deal with over the past 13 years (my transition being just one of many things that have challenged our marriage).  I am trying to change as little as possible while also changing as much as I need.  It is a delicate balance. 

If I had been able to admit to myself that I was trans when I was your age, or even up to the age of 30, then I would probably have been seeking SRS.  Much of my dysphoria over the years has been due to the bulge between my legs which would cause lots of pain if I tried to wear the pants I really wanted to wear.  I am a bit older now (45), and have become better at accepting compromise.  HRT has removed my depression & most of my dysphoria.  It is unlikely that I will ever stop taking it unless medically required to do so. 

I recently needed emergency surgery for a hernia that strangulated & became necrotic.  While that surgery was serious & invasive, it was mild by compasiron to SRS or FFS.  It is not even 3 weeks since my surgery, & I am already quite fed up with all the restrictions I have (eg: lift no more than 10lbs), and I do not like the mild numbness in my right thigh.  I am expected to be fully recovered with at most only mild nerve damage two months after my surgery.  SRS or FFS require a much longer recovery period, with a much larger possibility of nerve damage. 

As for dilation: Well, I am a lazy person. 

I do not say that I definitely will not seek SRS, FFS, or any other trans surgery.  Just that I have no intention at this moment of attempting to do so.  Life brings change, and I cannot say how I will feel next year or the year after (or even tomorrow).  But much change would be needed for my opinion on surgery to change.

Hope this helps,

Tessa

[Lex286]

I'm kinda like you as I have a lot of feminine characteristics but something in me just wants more........I am going to start electrolisys on my face soon, and minor plastic surgery.

[jakken]

I am ftm and I'm 100 % sure that I need to have top surgery. I don't want bottom surgery, and I don't really know about going on hormones. It would be nice to look more manly, of course, but right now I just don't really feel the need to start.

[ImagineKate]

I am on HRT, but am planning on remaining non-op indefinitely.  I have a few reasons for this.  In order:

[1]  I have become comfortable being me.  HRT has given me that.  Why change something that is working ?
[2]  Cost  -  FFS or SRS would almost certainly end my marriage 
[3]  Fear of surgery  -  Specifically fear that I would have permanent nerve damage after surgery 
[4]  Really do NOT want to endure the recovery periods 
[5]  Do not wish to have to dilate for the rest of my life 

#3 and #5 are what scare me. #2 maybe. What if you're in a situation where you can't dilate, eg you get into a car accident or something. I know, it would be the least of my worries, but it's something to think about.

I've also heard a few horror stories including one where a botched SRS led to permanently living with a colostomy...

I want to do it eventually, but it scares me.

[tabitha34]

no not at this time i have Developmental Disabilities an for i have no job an no way to pay for it i an sad about it

[tesseract49]

I am a transwoman and have been on HRT for over a month but I don't want the operation. I am still envious of those that have it done but I just couldn't go through with it. It is too much to handle. I am just hoping that life with my current parts won't be so bad. As long as I have an understanding partner. I could never penetrate someone else ever, so I have no use for my parts apart from my own pleasure really. I don't know if anyone else feels like this? xxx

To add to this, I suppose I am not 100% non-op, I am just too much of a coward to go through with it. I don't have severe dysphoria over my genitals either so It wouldn't be a serious problem. I still get jealous of genetic women though. I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with one, just simply because I would get too depressed over their body. It would be easier to be with a non-op transwoman or possibly a guy, although I am not attracted to men. Sorry for rambling xxx

[Nickywhat]

I am  soon to be a transitioning MTF and absolutely going to start HRT once I see my Doctor for my visit in 3 weeks ( UGH TOO LONG >~<) and want to feminize my body as much as possible from it.  However i will NOT be doing any SRS, I'm way too scared of the thought process that involves with the surgery.  Just even talking about it causes my loins to shake and I even watched a few videos detailing it... my crotch literally ached for a few hours >~<.  It's just not for me, despite the idea that perhaps I'd be very comfortable with having the opposite sex organ down there. 

I feel it's too painful and not confident that it would even work out, with too many horror stories about mess ups, or not having much pleasure down there (I'm a very sexual person) or just any possible results from having it done.  Not knocking those who opt for getting it, more power to you Men and Women!  I just feel too afraid of the "what if" scenarios for what personally is a small payoff, where as HRT would be a HUGE payoff if it indeed changes me body somewhat to how I hope it does.

[Abby Claire]

Over 7 months on HRT. I go back and forth between SRS and not. There are just so many factors:

1. Cost - Too damn expensive
2. Fearful of surgery
3. Fear of possible loss of orgasms (which may/may not be a myth)
4. Possible regrets
5. Tons of maintenance is involved in doing that surgery
6. MAY still wants children and I don't want to bank yet

I go back and forth all the time. I am at least dead set on an orchiectomy, but the problem with that is that you supposedly can't do SRS or it is not recommended to have that surgery if you plan on SRS. But I'm not too worried right now because that surgery is such a long way off if it does ever happen. I imagine probably in my late 30s I'll think about it more significantly.

[Jennygirl]

I had my SRS date set for around 2 years on HRT. Then I missed the deadline to send in my deposit and rescheduled- not really thinking about it.

Then I decided that wouldn't be a good time either. Followed by feelings of why I kept it so low on the priority list?

The clear answer to me was that I don't really mind not having the surgery, at all. I don't have any severe genital dysphoria, and I'm happier than ever where I am now with a wonderful sense of completion. Dysphoria is gone from my life, so why should I feel the need to change my body further?

I am happy being non op for the indiscernible future. Apparently I'm really happy about it, too. I am also very glad I didn't force myself into it just because it seemed like the next step in transition based on the traditional "trans narrative". Not that I think I would have regretted, there just wasn't much point for me other than to try something new. Maybe 2, 5, or 10 years down the line my feelings will change and I'll reconsider, but for the time being I'm not even thinking about it. It is time to enjoy life to the fullest.

[RachelsMantra]

Right now Im not planning on HRT or SRS. The primary reason of avoiding HRT is that I don't want to take any chance of diminishing my ability to have erections. Still not sure if I ever want to get breasts. I'll think about it when it's a financial option. For now I'm only focusing on beard removal.

[Jennygirl]

Hi Rachel, I have a friend in exactly the same position. She seems very happy in her relationship, but she has been worried about the same thing with starting HRT.

Speaking from experience- the endo I go to (Dr. O'Dea) seems to be really good at keeping sex drive up. Nothing has changed for me other than I now have peas instead of grapes- TMI? Sorry I have just as much sex drive as before, it's just a little different because it doesn't "nag". O'Dea uses pellets, so treatments can be spaced by 4-6 months. A lot of people fly to him to have treatment, even from different countries. The problem for my friend is that she can't afford it because he doesn't accept insurance.

Anyway just thought I'd throw that out there.

[judithlynn]

Hi Rena & Rachel;
Yes this is an interesting question. I have now been on a moderate  dose of HRT (Oestrogen only) for a little over 2 years - Progynova and although I have been keen on getting on Prometrium (Micronized Progesterone) my Doctor cannot/will not prescribe it Nor does he offer Pellet implants. This being said though I have had moderate growth to my  breasts (44B) and about 1.5" added projection on my buttocks. Obviously I have had al the other benefits, softer skin, no body odour, permanently erect nipples, large aureola etc,  My sex drive is definitely different and for me any Orgasm I have is definitely a whole body experience, but also not something that is driving me all day.  As time goes on though and as I seem to pretty much pass most of the time (I have had extensive IPL /Laser and Electrolysis, I seem to be less and less interested in full SRS and al my girlfriends reckon FFS is unnecessary. So at my age, SRS is pretty much off the plan. However especially following Jenny's incredible results from Dr Hughes and my research on other  surgeons, I am seriously considering the Brazilian Butt Lift with Liposuction and fat transfer from my abdomen,  waist, and   back and adding additional curves to my buttocks and hips.  I am also seriously considering Breast Augmentation, with a probably target of D Cup or probably DD which I think will help my frame better.
I reckon with  decent curves  both up top and with a decent size booty with a more natural S curve to my back definition and a small waist, something I have wanted for years I am not sure I will need SRS as I don't have the racing Penis dysphoria that I know drives others. Especially as following 2 years + HRT  I am now very tiny below (As Jenny puts it aptly small grape size!)

[Claraaa]

Thanks all for sharing.  I am just on Spiro at the moment and contemplating HRT and bottom surgery.  I think I have some of the same considerations already expressed by others...

Con

• The impact to my relationship with my wife. Erections and/or having a physical lesbian relationship.
• Simply not ready to be "out" - the fear is as bad as the dysphoria

Pros

• It just feels good when I put the fear aside

I am working with a Gender Therapist to understand what the right thing is for me.  My narrative does not feel like the "standard" and I want to be inspired by the path of others, but not influenced. 

Clara

[Swayallday]

I'm figuring out how to deal with the dysphoria.

Currently i'm looking into manga drawing, computer science, communitywork revolving games, befriending lesbians and activists  and small things really
girly shirts
might revert to skinny jeans
I love cooking and a cook is genderless
should really full body shave
might apply some mascara from time to time because my lashes are already so long, put them in the light
therapy

For the same reason I don't have tattoos/piercings I will most probably not go for surgery but I might just get my ears pierced just cause 

i'm not sure whether it will be sufficient though. I think it won't stop with just accepting the transgender label, whilst it frees me I haven't been using any drugs anymore since realizing it and i'm going to stop smoking tommorow.

Value my time again, get a beauty sleep pattern  going

it's like subconciously accepting... it feels i'm bettering myself to go on HRT but that depends how much of a change being in the other role for a whole year is.

i'd love the hormones nontheless but mustering the courage to full transition is a bit much for my young mind to be able to handle at the moment.

Then again I doubt being rational will be sufficient with the experience of this emotional intensity.

i'm sure i'll value the journey
Time shall tell 

[bchigdon10]

I have a lot of health issues hbp,asthma copd from asthmatic broch.never smoked a day in my life.So I am afraid to try hormones.So for me I am going to just wear what I feel comfortable with whether its a dress cute tops&shorts.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I437Z using Tapatalk

[Allison Wunderland]

I'm a M t F and I don't feel the need to have the reasignment surgery or take hormones. I'm blessed with a hyper feminine face so the only thing I would have to do is get my thick facial hair removed and thin my eyebrows. I'm also going to get small breast implants. I've already have moderate natural gynocomastia.   

I don't think that my genitals are anyone's business but my own. I only care about how my body and face look. If I look like a beautiful woman then I'm happy.

Good for you! Some of us get lucky. Some of us get BORN the gender they want to be.

Mostly what impedes the SRS and HRT for me is that I'm 67 and have been me all my life. I don't want to "become somebody else." I look male, heavy beard, moderately heavy body hair (although thinning in our later years, legs look shaved when they're not).

I don't want to transition into becoming some sort of new identity, no name changes -- George Sand is a female author, George works. Mostly "Mahu" -- Hawaiian culture for "middle person" --

Dr. Judith Butler, PhD UC Berkeley, Gender Critical Theory, uses the term "hetero-normative dyad" -- that there are specific "performance roles" for masc/femme and that we who do not comfortably fall into this dyad, this paradigm are "non hetero normative." Let's be clear here, "normative" refers to distribution and occurrence. Normative does NOT refer to "normal" as some sort of value judgement.

We wish endlessly that we were born female. AND we don't think we'd be able to "pull it off" -- essentially "pass" as female. Besides which, I don't want to "pass" in some sort of "disguise." Rather, I'm seeking some integrity in who I am, less testosterone would feel better. Female would feel better.

But I fear being stuck with a lot of complicated and painful surgery, and in the end I still don't have periods, etc. And I feel still "stuck in the middle."

We're getting more and more comfortable with the middle. (It's been 6 months since opening the closet door a bit at a time.) We're never gonna look like Zoey DesChanel . . . never. We're never going to look good in the dresses I own. Can't wear about 80% of the earrings I own.

But we're getting more and more comfortable with being in the middle, less confused, more authentic, happier.

We're looking at HRT. Still praying (heavy duty agnostic here, it's a metaphor) that it will all drop off and go away.

Thanks for this forum. We need to send Susan some $$$.

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Let me paste this from above:

I don't have the racing Penis dysphoria that I know drives others.

I have the Racing Penis (Mattel will probably market this concept!), like being on a bucking horse. I'm not worried about how I look. I've looked like this all my 67 yrs. But I want to feel better, and that's about endocrinology, not plastic surgery.

[Venus]

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, I'd say more than I should be, but realistically... not thinking about this stuff would be irresponsible of me.

There are some very terrifying things for me, and beyond everything else, for me that is: Losing my libido, and changing my sexual preference. Worst, the former is all but assured with HRT and the latter is incredibly likely. Literally every fantasy I have of being a girl involves being super horny, and also being attracted to girls.

I have a raging libido and it's pretty core to who I am as a person. Additionally, I'm completely infatuated with girls, and totally unattracted to guys. I think penises are hot, especially big ones, and I like the idea of anal, and even oral sex... but I have zero attraction to guys. If HRT made me bisexual I would be okay with that. What I could not ever be okay with however would be becoming unattracted to females and exclusively becoming attracted to males. I just couldn't deal with that.

So those two things happening, for me, are the most terrifying things I can think of.

I hate body hair, and it's way too much work to keep up with it all as a guy. I'll have it removed... all of it. That's a certainty. Even if I have nothing else at all done, I will have that done.

I'd like large breasts and a big butt; so, breast and butt augmentation are probably going to happen too. I'd need a tummy tuck at some point anyways, so it'd be pointless not to have a butt augmentation and if I'm getting that done why not get breasts too?

I have a fairly feminine face... I don't like my nose, mostly the profile, so I'll get that changed. If I'm going to present as a girl I'd like poutier lips too, so that'll all probably happen.

I really want a girl's voice too, so that's something I definitely want to do. I'm too self conscious and too easily embarrassed to do it with voice training, even if I'm home alone with literally no one in miles that could hear me.. so the surgery is the only way.

So at this point with butt & breast augmentation, a bit of female facial feminization, and voice feminization surgery.. I can effectively present as female with zero difficulty and I'll have a rather voluptuous body without needing hormones to get it.

I can't get SRS without the hormones... the psychological effects of the hormones terrify me... So, I don't know... I really don't know. If I already see myself as female mentally, if my inner voice is already female, and the only thing that isn't is my body... why do I need the hormones? To fit someone else's guideline for how a girl should be? Ridiculous. I'm already a girl mentally, and seriously altering my brain chemistry is terrifying.

I'm not too optimistic about SRS in general, from all the results I've seen. I don't want to disenfranchise anyone else with my worries but I haven't seen any that look like what I'd call a perfect genitals, or even designer genitals. Most look pretty gross (I realize a lot of cisgender girls have gross looking ones too but let's be real: this is aesthetic plastic surgery, and it should look ideal and how we want), a lot don't even look passable to me. And then there's the scars on the pubic mound, because that's a thing... and since I want to be smooth and hairless down there and scar easily they'd be very visible.

I could wear tight pants, or swimsuits, but... I don't have genital dysphoria at all. I have gender dsyphoria (diagnosed by my therapist even, on every account), but... I like my penis, and I'm okay with my testicles. They don't cause me any emotional distress whatsoever. Maybe having an erection in a tight dress would be a bit scary, but that's about as far as my fear over my genitals goes. Well, I mean... I'd like it to be bigger... but that's pretty normal.

It's not just the appearance, either. The increased difficulty reaching orgasm, the lack of lubrication, and the fact that it's not a true to natal vaginal experience is pretty big too. And well, then we go back to the fact that you can't get SRS without seriously mind altering hormones.

I'm so concerned over the psychological changes that even if there was a surgeon that'd do an SRS without HRT, and even if it was a proper real natal vagina, like 3D printed with stem cells and the real deal... with the fear of those psychological changes... I might still want to just replace my natural hormone balance that was lost without changing my hormone balance to cisgender female levels. I don't want the mental changes. In fact... I kind of wonder if they could just take the testes and put them up in there analogous to where ovaries would be if they could just keep on producing testosterone and the other hormones I'd need to remain healthy, without the need to depend on hormones from some external source, and with no mind altering effects.

Anyways, those are my thoughts right now... I'll have to bring them up with my therapist the next time I see him, but I'll have to get a job before that happens.

Also.... Is it completely insane that I think having internal testes, retaining a penis, and also having a vulva + vagina would be ideal? Like, basically a futanari.


                  Mod Edit: Post language cleaned up under TOS 11

[kelly_aus]

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, I'd say more than I should be, but realistically... not thinking about this stuff would be irresponsible of me.

There are some very terrifying things for me, and beyond everything else, for me that is: Losing my libido, and changing my sexual preference. Worst, the former is all but assured with HRT and the latter is incredibly likely. Literally every fantasy I have of being a girl involves being super horny, and also being attracted to girls.

No, hormones will not change your sexual preference. Not in the slightest. Being honest with yourself as part of transition is how that happens. There is NO SCIENCE to support the idea that hormones change your sexual preference.

Also, the loss of libido seems to be an issue because many, many trans women want that and are the loudest about it, so it becomes the 'standard story' that your libido will die. It doesn't, well, not unless you want it to. And if, like me, you don't want it to, well, in that case it hangs around. Yes, I will admit that mine has changed somewhat, but it is still there just like it's always been.

But then, I'm also reading your post and thinking that your fantasy life and your real life are way too mixed up and somewhat short on facts. I suspect you have some issues that would be better discussed with a sexologist rather than a gender specialist - although a gender specialist would be handy for some other things.

[stephaniec]

I'm in on going dialogue with myself on the practicality of GRS at this stage of my life. All I need is to push the button.

[Swayallday]

I'll come back to you all in a year or 8