So I went to Walmart today for a few this-and-that's. While I was there I decided to take a look at the jewelry department. I really have no jewelry other than a few CZ stud earrings and thought a necklace might be nice. While looking, I came across this charm which really spoke to me. It might be hard to see in the photo but it says simply "Have Faith". I bought it and a stronger snake chain necklace to hang it on.
When I got home I of course hurried to try it on. Letting the necklace fall on my chest and looking at it for a minute gave me the chills. I felt a whole new feeling of being "right" with myself. There was of course the instant femininity of wearing a sparkling necklace and charm, but there was more than that. I kept reading the message to myself over and over again and thinking about all the trouble I'm having over whether or not to transition and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. "Have Faith". Things will be alright. Trust in the Lord and he will walk by your side.
I immediately started crying. I don't even know why for sure. It was as though my feminine self for the first time felt connected to God. The shame of this "sinful behavior" cracked and started to fall away and now the person I truly am is free to find a relationship with the Lord. It was AMAZING!! I can't remember ever feeling anything like that before.
I'm not a very religious person. As an estranged Catholic, I'm only just starting to come back to my faith via the United Church of Christ. So for me to even talk this way is a new experience. Having this deep of an emotional and spiritual impact is completely outside of what I'm used to.
