I have read a ton on intersex issues and am seeing an edocrinologist right now because of my "differences". I just wanted to say that some of the intersexed web places feature people jumping on each other or making statements that just don't make sense. Anyway, some of the stuff I have read on here is very kind and accepting, some of it is very good and some of it is just plain brilliant, especially from Taylor.
Regardless of what label they ultimately put on me, I understand how so many just buckle under the pain of not quite fitting into male or female and being told lies their whole lives and being told by doctors or others; "you can't feel this way becuase you're a ....not a ...."
If you saw my picture you would understand in 1 second, what I mean by not fitting in.
A lot of people misconcieve that if you are intersexed you can go out in public as "either a man OR a woman" but for me it has been "neither a man nor a woman". It is tough because in my cabeza I feel like a girl, and about half my body is female, and I have monthly cramps that are right on schedule, but if I go out as a female, people will just think I have lost my mind. Too much man in the face + a lifetime of socialization as a male, yet I don't belong there, at least physically.
If I go out in public as a man, I have this female type of mannerisms, breasts to hide and just get percieved as a gay person or a transsexual, or a "what is that" person, lots of stares.
NO DISRESPECT at all to gay people or transsexual, (believe me if there was an aversion, I wouldn't be here, ) but what I'm talking about is the right to be percieved as what you think you are in your head, which I think people on this site will readily relate to.
Anyway, I was particularily interested in the one post on here where the person has normal male genitalia, but has female insides, periods etc. You may just have one more sister out there who has the woman parts inside and the man parts outside, we should talk. I am having my cramps this weekend. I thought I was getting them and thought "no way it's just something I ate, or my nerves, then I checked the calendar and sure enough 21 days since the last ones. Somethimes they are 28 days sometimes 21 days, sometimes 30, but they are monthly, and yes from the neck down I look like a lady, with muscularish arms, and a "wackadoo". (some differences there, the outline of a vagina on my penis, with what looks like stretch marks or a scar at the bottom, when I sit, my scrotum sticks out on the sides like a penis is coming out of vaginal lips, anyone ever hear of that, there are some differences between left and right testicles, and yet I get called a "normal man" by doctors and my mom swears to me that nothing was unusual about my birth and that no surgery was done, so I have no idea about the vagina shaped scar)
I would so like to find a girlfriend to talk with, although people I know are sympathetic, I think they are afraid that I will bite them or something. Shame and secrecy huh?
Anyway, hoping for a kind place to make a pleutonic friend here and for someone to be a good friend to.
I started this journey thinking my body would just eventually go male, and now have a wife who I love more than myself and 4 kids, but the intersex complications were just becoming more than a person could reasonably bear. I had to see a Dr. When he first saw me he almost sent me out the door saying "normal male, severe gynecomastia", but after seeing my hormone panels, his whole attitude got kinder and he knows I am not lying about feeling like a female. He wants to look inside my pevis which I will have done soon.
Anyway, here's to all those who don't wuite fit in but are valuable and special anyway.
Luv
M
