Jessica's Rose Garden

[KathyLauren]

Jessica, congratulations on being asked to present your coming-out story to your company.  Being out and being public about it can be a great source of inspiration to others and joy to oneself.

To me, it feels like I am "paying it forward" when I do a public presentation.  Someone else inspired me to seek my truth when I heard her do a presentation.  Now, I hope that I can do the same favour some day to someone else who is confused and wondering who they are.  It gives me a great deal of satisfaction.

[LizK]

Liz and Jessica, you absolutely have my permission to print anything with me in it!


Stephanie

Thanks Steph Appreciate it

I sent Liz a PM, along with an email containing the jpeg file of the photo.

I had a few interesting things happen this week. The company I work for holds a presentation on National Coming Out Day (Oct 11) to highlight the importance of LGBT+ coming out. The presentation is available via live-stream video to the entire company (about 34,000 employees). Last year I chose that day to come out to my manager. This year, as usual, they requested coming out stories for use during the presentation. A committee selects 8 - 10 stories from those submitted, these will be presented during the event. Most of the stories will be shown via pre-recorded video, but a few will be presented live. My story was selected. I won't know for a few weeks if I will be one of the live presentations, but either way I am thrilled to be able to share this with fellow employees. I have never done anything like this with such a potentially large audience. I am frightened by the thought of it, but if telling my story helps just one person find the strength to climb out of darkness, then it will be worth it.

Yesterday I was taking photos at a softball game for a team I had not visited before, although I know a few of the parents and players from over the summer. During the second inning, a man I had never met (I found out later his name is Steve) came over. At first I thought he was somehow teasing me...

Steve: 'You look familiar. Is your husband's name Leroy?'
Me: 'No, I think you have mistaken me for someone else.'
Steve: 'You really do look familiar. What is your husband's name?'
Me: 'My wife is standing behind you wearing a pink shirt.'
Steve: 'Oh, I'm sorry. I hope I didn't offend you.'

With a smile I assured him that I was not offended. My wife and I had a good laugh about it later!

Thankyou for the file I have a good printer and some photo quality paper so will print off some copies for my white board.


Nice to see you moving to defon 3 which has to be a much less stressful place. I understand why you have your defences up, heck I know I do at times without even thinking about it. Its weird when the day arrives that you totally baffle someone whom you think should be able to recognise you.


Take care

Liz

[Jessica_Rose]

One more small step...

The surgeon I am consulting for GCS requires a 'letter of introduction' from a therapist before they will schedule surgery. I received a note from my therapist today, she has sent the letter! Hopefully I will leave my consultation with a surgery date. It feels like a dream, part of me has been waiting over five decades for this. I really don't want to wait any longer, but WPATH overrides my desire. I will find it hard to believe until the moment I wake up from the surgery...

[Jessica_Rose]

I had a laser appointment today, face and neck session #11. It was not as painful as the last one. I used the prescription numbing cream (benzocaine, lidocaine, and tetracaine) and took a painkiller left over from my last root canal (I rarely take any pain medications, but laser is really starting to be painful for me). The nurse/technician was really nice, she even made a pass over my chest and underarms for free. Since there is still a fair amount of dark facial hairs they offered to waive the fee for my next session.

While shopping in Walmart two high school cheerleaders approached me -- I can guarantee that never happened in grade school or college. They asked my opinion on which shade of lipstick looked best on them! They thanked me for my opinion and walked away. Although it was a simple exchange, I never thought that I would have cheerleaders ask my opinion about anything! I'm still smiling... 

[Jessica]

Steve: 'You look familiar. Is your husband's name Leroy?'
Me: 'No, I think you have mistaken me for someone else.'
Steve: 'You really do look familiar. What is your husband's name?'
Me: 'My wife is standing behind you wearing a pink shirt.'
Steve: 'Oh, I'm sorry. I hope I didn't offend you.'

You must have felt wonderful after it sunk in what just happened.

I had a few interesting things happen this week. The company I work for holds a presentation on National Coming Out Day (Oct 11) to highlight the importance of LGBT+ coming out. The presentation is available via live-stream video to the entire company (about 34,000 employees). Last year I chose that day to come out to my manager. This year, as usual, they requested coming out stories for use during the presentation. A committee selects 8 - 10 stories from those submitted, these will be presented during the event. Most of the stories will be shown via pre-recorded video, but a few will be presented live. My story was selected. I won't know for a few weeks if I will be one of the live presentations, but either way I am thrilled to be able to share this with fellow employees. I have never done anything like this with such a potentially large audience. I am frightened by the thought of it, but if telling my story helps just one person find the strength to climb out of darkness, then it will be worth it.

How exciting is this!!  Will you be the one reading your story?


Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[Jessica_Rose]

In answer to Jessica's question, I don't know yet if I will get to present my story live. At a minimum I will be in the auditorium when my video is played. I should know within a few weeks whether or not I get to present it live. The though frightens me, but I am looking forward to it!

I was feeling incredible Friday morning, so I decided to go against the grain. Instead of dressing more casual, I wore this:


For some reason I thought about a song I had not heard in a long time. I found the official video and watched it, then I remembered. I saw it several years ago, before I started my current journey. The song was amazing, but I did not like the video. Now I see things quite differently, and I find the video so beautiful that at times it brings tears to my eyes.  If you want to see something that may turn your day around, find the official video for 'Beautiful' by Christina Aguilera.

Here are the lyrics:

Don't look at me

Everyday is so wonderful, then suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure, from all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful, no matter what they say, words can't bring me down
I am beautiful, in every single way, yes words can't bring me down
Oh no, so don't you bring me down today

To all your friends you're delirious, so consumed, in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness, the pieces gone, left the puzzle undone
Ain't that the way it is

You are beautiful, no matter what they say, words can't bring you down
You are beautiful, in every single way, yes words can't bring you down
Oh no, so don't you bring me down today

No matter what we do, no matter what we say
We're the song inside the tune, full of beautiful mistakes

And everywhere we go, the sun will always shine
And tomorrow we might awake, on the other side

'Cause we are beautiful, no matter what they say, yes words won't bring us down
We are beautiful, in every single way, yes words can't bring us down
Oh no, so don't you bring me down today

[Michelle_P]

Jessica, that IS a beautiful song, with some deep meaning for each of us.

I do hope that you will get to present your story live.  Whether live or recorded it will be your story, to be shared with all, and be an inspiration for all. That is pretty darn special, girl! 

[Jessica_Rose]

Another small step...

I called Dr. Ley's office today and they said everything is in order for my consultation. They received the 'introduction' letter from my therapist, and it is sufficient for scheduling. If all goes well I will get a date for GCS on 24 Sep! And yes, my wife is fully on board with this!

I feel as though part of my life is now on 'hold'. Although electrolysis and laser sessions continue, I don't feel like I am moving forward. Once I get GCS scheduled, then my life can resume course. Knowing when I will be able to take that last giant step will remove a huge amount of uncertainly from my life, but for now I must impatiently wait...

I sent a note to my daughters earlier today letting them know what I was up to. I am not sure how or if they will respond, but I will not hide this from them.

I also had an email exchange with the person who is in charge of the NCOD event at my company. I asked him if the video I had uploaded was OK, or did I need to try again? He reviewed my 'coming out' video and said it was perfect, twice! I still don't know if they will just show the video or have me present it live, but either way it will be a day I long remember.

[Laurie]

 Wow Jessica, a GCS consult A week after I go meet with Kaiser to see what they have to offer me. From my point of view you are not standing still, your life on hold. No, you running in leaps and bounds compared to the pace I am going. Or am I just standing still and you are striding out strutting your stuff? Good Luck on the consult and getting a date set. I am glad Susan is on board with this. Your girls will be too.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Michelle_P]

Wow, Jessica!  So much good news.  I'm glad Susan is supporting your moving forward with this consult. 

Best wishes for a smooth consult and a great National Coming Out Day event!

[LizK]

That's great news about being able to get things scheduled. Having your wife onboard is such a great thing to happen. My wife is the same and knowing she has my back makes a big difference I can imagine it does for you too.


Sounds to me like you are making steady progress but I know that feeling its a bit like treading water...kinda like the old army saying  "Hurry up and wait"...rush to get an appointment then wait what feels like forever for it to arrive.


Hope the consult goes they way you are wanting

Take care

Liz

[Jessica]

Another small step...

I called Dr. Ley's office today and they said everything is in order for my consultation. They received the 'introduction' letter from my therapist, and it is sufficient for scheduling. If all goes well I will get a date for GCS on 24 Sep! And yes, my wife is fully on board with this!

I feel as though part of my life is now on 'hold'. Although electrolysis and laser sessions continue, I don't feel like I am moving forward. Once I get GCS scheduled, then my life can resume course. Knowing when I will be able to take that last giant step will remove a huge amount of uncertainly from my life, but for now I must impatiently wait...

I sent a note to my daughters earlier today letting them know what I was up to. I am not sure how or if they will respond, but I will not hide this from them.

I also had an email exchange with the person who is in charge of the NCOD event at my company. I asked him if the video I had uploaded was OK, or did I need to try again? He reviewed my 'coming out' video and said it was perfect, twice! I still don't know if they will just show the video or have me present it live, but either way it will be a day I long remember.

The operative word for all of this is "Perfect"

I'm so happy for you 🌸🌸🌸
Hugs and smiles, Jessica Marie

[Jessica_Rose]

OMG! I received an email at work this morning which cured my constipation. I was selected to present my 'coming out' story live during our company event on 11 Oct for National Coming Out Day!!! Our auditorium holds a few hundred people, but the event will also be broadcast via livestream video to over 34,000 employees. I have wanted to do something like this ever since coming out to my manager on 11 Oct last year, and now I will get that chance. I never enjoyed speaking to large groups, and presenting my story live will be emotionally painful, but I think the opportunity will be worth it.

We all know the life of pain we endure trying to figure out who we are, followed by the anguish many of us experience when we make the decision to begin a new journey. Many of those who survive the torment and chaos do eventually find joy. Hopefully hearing my story will help others to understand a small part of what we experience, how deeply it affects us and those we love, and just maybe it will help someone else find the strength to become who they were meant to be.

[Faith]

Jessica, that wonderfully awesome. Congrats.

You have more guts than I do, no way I could do something like that. Way to go!!!!

[Laurie]

That's Great Jessica. You're going to be famous (well at least withing your company) I am glad to see you are eager to do this and by doing so you are taking a step for all of us. Go get em girl!

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Jessica]

Are you excited Jessica? 
I know you will be wonderful! 
Your sneak peak made me tear up from knowing the emotions you were going through.
You're a heroine, in my eyes, to us all!

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[steph2.0]

Wow, Jessica, you have definitely joined the ranks of my heroes. @Michelle_P , @Denise , and now @Jessica_Rose . All extraordinary people willing to put themselves in the spotlight to show the muggles that we're just regular people dealing with an unusual medical condition, and how the misunderstanding world treats us. Just awesome!

And to top it off, you brought us chocolate! You're a superhero!

I also want to add that every one of us who spends a little time educating someone one-on-one deserves to be called a hero, too. Explaining rationally and calmly what this is about, and correcting misconceptions with even just one person, and then letting them watch us live good lives, puts us one more person closer to open acceptance by our world. And you could be a superhero, too. Just bring me (dark) chocolate.


Stephanie

[Michelle_P]

Congratulations, Jessica.  I thought this might happen based on what we had shared, and I am glad to see that the corporate folks recognize your authenticity and sincerity.

Now, breathe! In and out, nice and slow.    You are going to be just fine.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[LizK]

OMG! I received an email at work this morning which cured my constipation. I was selected to present my 'coming out' story live during our company event on 11 Oct for National Coming Out Day!!! Our auditorium holds a few hundred people, but the event will also be broadcast via livestream video to over 34,000 employees.....

No Point in doing these things by half LOL....meh 34000 walk n the park  .....NOT!

I understand you trepidation but I am sure you will be a great ambassador for yourself as well as trans women in general. The more we are less of an oddity the more acceptance we will receive. I applaud you sticking yourself out there.

Take care

Liz

[Jessica_Rose]

No Point in doing these things by half LOL....meh 34000 walk n the park  .....NOT!

I doubt all 34,000 will be watching, but it will definitely be the largest audience I have ever addressed. I can only do this once, so I may as well go for broke! I used to shy away from public speaking, but over the last 18 months I have done many things I once thought were impossible. I am not the same person who started this journey, I am stronger and more confident. I am slowly becoming who I was meant to be.

These last two days had a few positive events...

Monday was my 18-month checkup with my HRT doctor. I mentioned about my upcoming GCS consultation and she congratulated me. Over the weekend I had asked my wife if there was another prescription I should ask for. I figured since she was on board with my pursuing GCS then I should support her needs as long as possible. The doctor sent in a prescription for Viagra.

When I went to the store to pick up my new prescription I ran across a friend I had not seen in over a year, and she had no idea that I had transitioned. I walked over and said 'hello'. It took her a few seconds to realize who I was, then she gave me a big smile and a hug. We talked for about 15 minutes, and she said she was happy that I was doing so well. I told her a few parts of my story, which brought tears to her eyes. Hopefully we can arrange dinner with her and her husband soon.

This morning before I left work to get another root canal, I noticed an email that my blood test results were available. My previous two tests had shown an estradiol level of 64-65pg/ml, so my doctor doubled my patches. Now my level is 247pg/ml !!! That triggered a smile that not even the root canal could dim!

Six more days until my GCS consultation with Dr. Ley. It doesn't seem real yet. Maybe once I get scheduled it will start to sink in.