OK I am back and have more time to make my personal point clearer after that sloppy statement I made earlier. Sorry for being misleading.
I was never suggesting that women can't dive, climb mountains, rebuild a transmission or drive a tractor. I have seen enough women do that and more, better in some cases than any man I know.
I was on a professional salvage dive with some very heavy testosterone. I like who I am as Emma but I also like the guy that I am. That is what happened on the dive. I really liked
being a guy and forgot Emma (most of the time).
I keep verbalizing my confusion as I continue to process. I have finally accepted that I am transgender...but there are two parts to me with a wall dividing each of the pieces. My goal is to tear down the wall further, removing it entirely and then put the two pieces together.
Separately my wife came and met me after the dive for a few days vacation. We had a great time together. No Kim I didn't force "the conversation"
. I still believe that the other "wall", the one between she and Emma, will continue to softly erode. She is no longer threatened by me taking HRT. Now it is a question of how to increase her acceptance.
Look how long it took me!
Kim you made a comment earlier that continues to really resonate with me (go figure
):
"The things you have been doing are not the actions of someone that is cis gender." It made me laugh and really confront reality. What guy would go for facial electrolysis??? Forget about the make up, dress shopping, voice lessons, how about even talking about cutting off their genitals???
There was no hiding from the clear reality of that point! Emma stuck her tongue out at me and has razzed me for days on that point....thanks
. It was like going out for a night of beers with you and Moni...
I keep saying this, it should be an interesting year for me.
I hope you are all doing well.
Hugs,
Emma