Robby's Journey

[Robbyv213]

I am feeling really called to come out to a few people tomorrow March 31st on transgender day of visibility.

The people I am considering telling are my shop Foreman at my work, who has always been professional and has always said he is there if I ever need to talk, since he has seen many sides of me over the last few years as I've struggled with accepting myself and starting to begin this journey of transition. I am hoping it gives him some insight as to why things were the way they have been for me over the last two years, and I'm hoping that he may help either bring change to my work, or be able to refer me to another Mercedes dealership that has better policies, insurance etc. Since most shop foremans know one another.

Another being my friend from the gym, who seems to always try to bring the best out of people, and has said in conversation that he has had know people who have transitioned. So neither here no there.

And lastly a friend from when I was a personal trainer back when I lived in ca over 10 years ago, mainly bc he has really made a name for himself as a personal trainer and I want to seek his help in helping me transform my physique, but in order for him to have any chance at success I will need to disclose to him that I'm transitioning.

Whats everyone's opinions or thoughts on this.

I've been feeling the call and urge to finally start taking some leaps of faith and letting the universe do what ever it's going to do when I do take that leap.

[Lori Dee ✅]

It sounds like you have picked a good support team if they are on board.

Expect the worst and hope for the best. They may surprise you... good or bad.

Good luck!

I'm proud of you for taking this step to stand up for yourself. Just remember that others' opinions do not matter. But if they are with you, it sure can be helpful.

[Pema]

Wow, Robin, that's amazing! Good for you!

I think if you're feeling ready and feeling the urge, then I can't come up with a reason why you shouldn't. I wish I had more to say, but that's really it. When you're ready, you're ready.

Please let us know how it goes.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

That's great to hear that you feel ready for this. It really is a personal feeling so the time is right when you feel ready. Very much sounds like you are. I think you'll be able to stand tall and really explain your true self.

Nothing is guaranteed, but I think you have a great chance of this going well with your well prepared thoughts.

A deep breath, smile and standing tall really helps if you get nervy.

Wishing you luck and hugs.

Charlotte 😻

[Stottie Girl]

It all sounds good to me Robby. I'm no expert as I'm still too chicken to do it myself. But if those were my options, I would tell my former trainer friend first as there is some distance involved if things don't go the way you hope. It could give you the confidence to move on to those closer to you.

Just my two cents worth. Keep us posted how it went though. It is a subject that both interests and scares me in equal measure.

Best of British as we say over here. (Good luck!)

Sarah xx

[Robbyv213]

Thanks everyone for the input

[Robbyv213]

Today did not go as planned. Seemed like from the very start of the day it was hectic and crazy, and was that way all day. In fact the only time it wasn't was this morning at the gym at 3 am.

Anyways I ended up not telling my gym buddy this morning since he seemed to be a rush this morning and was trying to get done and head back home. So I took that as a sign that it was not the right time.

At work. It was non stop busy crazy all day, till about late afternoon. As I am working up my nerve to ask my boss if he has a second to talk or to let me talk, I over hear a few of the guys in the shop laugh and joke about how the supreme court is opening the doors for conversion therapy, and immediately felt a shift in my entire mood and demeanor. And they're the usually suspects who have to voice their opinions as loud as possible, the ones that know everything and will eventually talk over you if you try to have a logical debate or conversation with them. Either way I'm feeling like no one at work needs to know and eventually I'll just quit and disappear and none of them will ever know.

And as for my old friend from being a personal trainer, there is just no need right now or today specifically.

So yea.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Always follow your gut instincts. I think you made the right call to wait.

There will be other opportunities that may feel right. Or wait until you get moved and find new work.

[Robbyv213]

Yea. I'm just disappointed.

[Pema]

It's OK. It'll happen when it happens, and that will be the right time.

[Robbyv213]

It's been a long week and as some of you know my wife and I are splitting up and this past week we've been moving out of our old house and into our own separate places.

It's been an emotional roller coaster since my new rental had a bumpy start. Things that should have been done that were promised by the landlord were not done prior to moving in. Landscaping needed to be done and ac wasn't working. On top of all that I basically had no usable furniture to sleep on or relax other than a green chair that my wife is letting me borrow for the time being.

He started moving Wednesday April 1st and it was kind of a slow start. Over the following days we got everything that she was taking to her new place and then I got to focus on moving things to my place, looking for new furniture, buying a bed and other things needed to make my place livable.

Due to my place not having AC, my wife let me stay at her place until that was fixed and my bed was delivered.

I'm excited for this new chapter. I feel like I'll finally be able to start taking longer strides in my transitional journey and finding my womanhood and what it means to me. I feel like this has been a long time coming a few years or so feeling stagnant and trying to figure out how my wife and I would move forward. But all that has finally come to an end and this new chapter is finally beginning.

I'm clearing space and making room for myself to grow as a woman. There is definitely a lot of masculine clothes that's headed to Goodwill and other thrift stores that's for sure lol. My go over the next year is to learn more about myself and what being a woman means to me. To start making more progress in my transition. And to be smarter with money so that I can save up to move closer to my son in Washington State as well as pay off debt and hopefully save up for transitional procedures.

It feels so good to finally start living my life for me and making decisions for my dreams and goals of transitioning to the woman I know I am.

The last few days while living out of my wife's new place seem to really be something that was necessary for both my wife and I not just because of my place not being livable yet but because I'm sure there were things that we both needed to deal with emotionally before we can finally cut the cord and start establishing new boundaries.

I'm so grateful for her and all that she has done for me and helped me through these past few years. Is she basically been my best friend and my only friend here in Arizona since I moved here. It's going to take some getting used to being back on my own as I'm sure it will for her as well. I get to finally learn how to live on my own while finding who I really Am and making choices that align with who I really Am.
The last few days as well

[Lori Dee ✅]

I am so happy for you, Robby.

I agree that spending one more night under the same roof when you didn't absolutely have to created a chance for closure for both of you. It sounds like you split amicably, and that is a good thing. Lean into that. Yes, you are both on your own and doing your own thing, but that doesn't mean you can't be friends, help each other out when needed, and be there for the kids.

The difference is that you now have the time and space to take care of the things you feel are important. I remember that feeling. It was nine years ago, but I have no regrets. We are not in contact anymore, but that is fine.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Enjoy the journey.

[Robbyv213]

Yes, we plan to remain in contact and friends as much as we can/life allows. I'm sure she will still drag me out hiking and to the lake. I just hope that she is ok with me as Robin, and not Robert.

Only time will tell and that's something she will have to figure out.

I'm sure we will drift apart to an extent as we find our community and people, and as life takes us each towards our dreams.

[Pema]

Robby, this is a great-sounding update from you. I know how painful this process has been for both of you, and the fact that you're doing it AND feeling the "rightness" of it and the hope for a better future says a lot about your strength and determination.

This is one of those posts where I hear your patience and wisdom guiding you, and I admire what you're doing not just for you but for others who don't feel like they have that courage (but it's in there). You're showing the world what it looks like to love yourself.

[Robbyv213]

Oh and with all the commotion of this past week, I failed to realize that it was my 16 month HRT anniversary on April 4th. So yay. There's that.

[Pema]

Hey, that's not nothing! Congratulations!

[Lori Dee ✅]

Oh and with all the commotion of this past week, I failed to realize that it was my 16 month HRT anniversary on April 4th. So yay. There's that.

Congrats, Miss Robin!

[Robbyv213]

Thank you @Lori Dee
And @pema

[Robbyv213]

My first day off from moving and last day off with vacation. Tomorrow I go back to work. I'm finding it hard to have the energy or motivation to do anything. My mood is in the dumps. I know it's going to be hard, and I know initially I will feel lost until things unfold naturally as to what my new life will look like.

I feel just as stuck as before. Now it's entirely on me as to why I am not moving forward. Fear of taking that step has a real hold on me. I really hope that one day I won't be afraid to let the world see me, and to stop hiding.

[Lori Dee ✅]

You have already taken that first step. Great profile pic! But it is more about letting yourself be you. You have shown that through all of your posts. Even when you felt down, you still helped others with advice and support.

It may feel like a scary new beginning, but it isn't. This is only the next step. You've got this. You are strong and have the right attitude. Now, just use those skills to build the life you want. It is never easy, but it is less difficult when we can make our own decisions and not need to rely on what others want for us.