Emma1017 ... Which hurts less - Volume Two

[ChrissyRyan]

Financing long term health care is something many people end up not planning sufficiently for, even more so than the impacts of eroding purchasing power because of inflation. 

On the flip side, I hear when you get old, often people hold doors open for you, male or female.
Plus you can get senior discounts for lots of things.

But your bones may be creaky, health may decline, and you may not have as much energy as compared to earlier years.  So there may be some advantages to checking off many of those "bucket list" travel items when you are younger than older.

When are you "old" nowadays?  When you feel old?  55?  65?  75?  85?  At least ten years past your current age?

[Lori Dee ✅]

When are you "old" nowadays?  When you feel old?  55?  65?  75?  85?

About 8:00 a.m.

🤣

Love the profile pic, Emma! Beautiful.

[davina61]

Snap Lori!!!

[Stottie Girl]

Financing long term health care is something many people end up not planning sufficiently for, even more so than the impacts of eroding purchasing power because of inflation. 

On the flip side, I hear when you get old, often people hold doors open for you, male or female.
Plus you can get senior discounts for lots of things.

But your bones may be creaky, health may decline, and you may not have as much energy as compared to earlier years.  So there may be some advantages to checking off many of those "bucket list" travel items when you are younger than older.

When are you "old" nowadays?  When you feel old?  55?  65?  75?  85?  At least ten years past your current age?

My Dad is still playing squash at 81! He's the current record holder for the oldest player ever at the club and he broke that 10 years ago!

If you can keep active who knows how far you can go.

[Dawn Kellie]

About 8:00 a.m.

🤣

Love the profile pic, Emma! Beautiful.

You get to 8am. You're lucky.

[Emma1017]

I know people who were old at 25 years old!

I have clients in their 90's and a few over a hundred.  They are all funny and totally with it. 

I tell clients that the 70s to 80s is the "DO" decade because you should enjoy what you can, but leave enough cash for 80+.

A client once told me that the art of getting older is to recognize what you can't do anymore and then go find the 5000 things you still can.

[Sephirah]

I taught school twice this week.  My toughest group of kids is the female transgender students.  They can be the "mean" girls, and it's not surprising.

They are very clannish because they have so much to overcome. Like every other cisgender girl, they have to face depression, anxiety, and sadness, often fueled by social media comparison, cyberbullying, and academic pressure, as well as body image struggles, eating disorders, and low self-esteem.

...and then they transgender to top it off.  Relationships are brutally difficult for them.

Some have been thrown out of their homes and now live in shelters.  They are so vulnerable.  I love that the school makes extra efforts to support them.  There are after-school programs specifically just for them.  The other LGBTQ students have specialized programs for them as well.

I know that having a safe haven is even more important than grades.

How do you deal with this, Emma?

[Emma1017]

"How do you deal with this, Emma?"

Laura, imperfectly and with patience.

Each of these kids has so much personal luggage they carry.  I just try to lighten their load if I can in the brief moments I am part of their life...if they let me.

Some are too angry, and I don't force myself, but I don't hide either. I am there to guide, but they also have to be respectful of the other students who are there to learn.  The school has a great support system.  There is a nurse and a social worker on staff that they have immediate access to, even in class.  Each of us has a walkie-talkie if support is needed or something is getting out of hand.

Everyone cares.

I care, and the kids know it.

For every angry child, I have a dozen smiling kids saying "hi" or giving me a high-five or a fist bump.

I smile a lot.

[Stottie Girl]

That sounds amazing Emma. I have the utmost respect for anyone who can go into that environment and make a difference to young peoples lives.

The kids in UK schools seem incredibly unruly complared to when I was at school. It doesn't seem like a job for the faint hearted, over here at least.

[Emma1017]

SG, teenagers are the same everywhere, and schools are far less restrictive than they were when we were kids. 

I grew up with 12 years of strict Catholic education. Punishment was physical and mental.  I don't think that works.  As we raised our kids, we saw schools that went to the opposite extreme, with no structure and essentially serving as babysitters.

It is challenging, but the answer is somewhere in the middle.

 

[Dawn Kellie]

Kids need rules with consequences.  Punishment should not be physical, but uncomfortable. What that translates into if I knew I'd be a better person.
Love and attention goes along way. I won 3 kids hearts by showing them love and make them important to me. There were times I had to be strict, but it was always done in love. They are my kids now, they have little to do with their bio dad. I have adopted 1 and will be adopting the other 2. All three are over 25

[Stottie Girl]

Kids need rules with consequences.  Punishment should not be physical, but uncomfortable. What that translates into if I knew I'd be a better person.
Love and attention goes along way. I won 3 kids hearts by showing them love and make them important to me. There were times I had to be strict, but it was always done in love. They are my kids now, they have little to do with their bio dad. I have adopted 1 and will be adopting the other 2. All three are over 25

It's a lovely thing you've done for them and for you Kellie but imagine if you only had those kids for a year or two then a new group of kids comes through the door and you have to start again. That's what teachers have to do all the time. It boggles my mind that they manage to make meaningful connections at all but they do. You never forget a good teacher.

[Dawn Kellie]

It's a lovely thing you've done for them and for you Kellie but imagine if you only had those kids for a year or two then a new group of kids comes through the door and you have to start again. That's what teachers have to do all the time. It boggles my mind that they manage to make meaningful connections at all but they do. You never forget a good teacher.

I agree teachers bo amazing things. Most of them need praise at every level. I'm not saying it's a teacher us responsible for. It needs to be done at the home level. Every kid needs to know they are loved no matter what

[Stottie Girl]

I agree teachers bo amazing things. Most of them need praise at every level. I'm not saying it's a teacher us responsible for. It needs to be done at the home level. Every kid needs to know they are loved no matter what

Totally agree.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

SG, teenagers are the same everywhere, and schools are far less restrictive than they were when we were kids. 

I grew up with 12 years of strict Catholic education. Punishment was physical and mental.  I don't think that works.  As we raised our kids, we saw schools that went to the opposite extreme, with no structure and essentially serving as babysitters.

It is challenging, but the answer is somewhere in the middle.

I can definitely say that physical punishment and humiliation doesn't work. But was the way when i was younger too. Just messes up your mind sometimes. Its a good job it was stopped at some point.

Charlotte

[Emma1017]

Guiding and supporting a child is a total package that includes the parents, the schools, social programs, and the community at large.  The process is never perfect; it needs to flex when one element of support is weak.

Transgender teenagers have very few supports, and they are rarely linked together.  I think the high school I attend does as much as it can, but it has its limits.  The tough part for me is to recognize throughs limits, and particularly my limits, and accept the painful gaps in the system.

Laura, to answer your question, "How do you deal with this, Emma?", I remind myself I can't end the hate and the pain, but I can be there if and when I am needed.

[Emma1017]

I said to my therapist today:  "It is very difficult not being me. I think I can just push it down all the time, but the "it" is really me and that hurts."


Her answer resonated with me:  "Yes. And that part of you very much wants / needs to be seen."

It really resonated with me. 

[Sephirah]

Think of it this way, Emma.

You are always you. Always Emma. Even in the ways you think you can't be seen, you are seen. Who you are is only a tiny bit down to how you physically look. The vast majority is how you think, how you feel, how you approach the world.

Your wife met Emma. Your wife fell in love with Emma. Emma fell in love with her. Forget the physical. You were born as you and it has impacted every facet of your life, and always will. You don't become someone just because you look like someone. Every thought you have, every way you approach life, you do so as you. It can't be any other way.

To be is an expression of who you are. You are always you, Emma. Limited ways to live it doesn't change the fundamental truth. You are never not being you, sweetie. When you think you're hiding something... you're not. You're being a shield for someone because of the compassion and gentleness you have within you. It's not denying yourself. Everyone... every day... projects images of themselves to make the world around them easier. It's how people function in a society. It doesn't change the fundamental truth. You will always be Emma, and you will always be beautiful.

Take some time to be away from that when you can, Emma. But understand that not being away from that doesn't change anything, okay?

You are never not being you. Even when you don't feel you can express who that is.

You are quite an amazing lady. And my friend. As long as I have known you, you've been you. Through everything. And I love you very much for it.

[Emma1017]

Oh Laura, go ahead and make me cry...again. You understand my battle. Thank you for that.

Each time, when others see me, I see myself better. I asked my therapist at the start of this session, "Am I a narcissist for posting so many photos of me?"  That was her answer.

Thank you. ❤️

[Sephirah]

If you ever want to see who you are... never look in a mirror.

Love you, Emma. You've been my friend through it all. That is more a testament to anything... well... outside your smile that could probably stop the world. But you know what I mean.

I have seen all the struggles you've faced. With both yourself and others. And you always come out shining. Because you can't imprison the sun.

<3