Hello from Canada

[Jillian-TG]

Hello - I'm 54 years old male and use Jill or Jillian as my girl name. I have been married to my wife for almost 30 years. She knows about my mix of CD / Trans traits and she's what I would call tolerant (she does not love it but she tries to accept me).

I would label myself as gender fluid and it's been a journey. The younger me was a standard cross dresser CD but as I've aged I feel more trans so I think "gender fluid" is the best label if I have to choose one.

I'm generally in the closet although some family and friends know about the real me. I came out of the clothing closet at around age 30 so everyone close to me knew back then. But with kids and then emigration to Canada in 2004 I dressed less and less then basically went back into the closet. So I'd say my public persona in Canada is in the closet while the old me pre-2004 prior to emigration was out the closet. It's a weird reality...

I find myself caring less about what people think and I really want to come out the closet again but my wife worries about what people will say and the older kids today. We also attend a Pentecostal church that would not like that side of me.

My current escape is to take frequent cruises with my wife and I often dress up on the cruises. My wife is more chill and accepting while she's in vacation mode so yes we take too many cruises LOL.
I'm happy to post some pictures if that's allowed.

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

@Jillian-TG

Dear Jillian:
I am so very glad that you felt led to register as a member. 
I am always so happy see members arrive here on the Susan's Place Forum.

I much enjoyed reading your introduction
    ....and YES, it is OK to post pictures

I am wishing you a WARM WELCOME here...

As you feel the freedom to share and post more of your thoughts here, you will undoubtedly find
like-minded members here that may become your Forum friends.

This website is huge, with a lot of information from Real People who have lived through these things for decades. There is much wisdom here. Feel free to browse, learn, and share your experiences too. We all learn from each other.

Clicking the HOME  Button on any page will take you to where you can see and visit the many
sub-forums and TOPICS here on the Forum and you can feel free to comment and share your experiences. 
Each sub-forum has a description of what that sub-forum board is about, as well as any guidelines for posting.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL-AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets. Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

You will find the Forum to be a Friendly and Accepting place that you can share whatever is on
your mind.... without any judgement from our members.

If you have any immediate questions regarding the Forum please feel free to contact me at
my Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

My warmest regards,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

Note: Please be certain to take the time to look over the following LINKS, especially the Links in RED, that will inform you of the important Rules here on the Forum that will help you to navigate safely around our site.
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cc:  @Lori Dee  @Sarah B  @Devlyn @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah                       

[Pema]

Hello, Jillian, and welcome to Susan's Place. We're delighted to have you join us.

[Susan ✅]

Dear Jillian,

It's good to meet you, and I'm really glad you decided to introduce yourself. What you shared about your journey will resonate with a lot of people here. So many of us know what it's like to move forward, then pull back for a while, and then feel that quiet urge to step toward ourselves again. None of that is strange or contradictory—it's simply life unfolding under real-world pressures.

It makes sense that things shifted when you moved, raised a family, and navigated a community that isn't always welcoming. Many of us have had seasons where the door to the closet crept shut again even after being open for years. That doesn't erase who you are; it just shows how much you've had to hold at once.

I'm glad you have places where you can breathe a little easier, like your cruises. Sometimes those small pockets of freedom are what keep us going until we're ready for the next step. And it sounds like your wife is doing her best to meet you where she can—which isn't always easy for partners who are also trying to manage their own fears. The fact that she leans into acceptance with you, especially when life slows down, says a lot about the strength of your relationship.

You're welcome to share photos in the Gallery section if you'd like. Many members do, and it's a supportive space.

Most of all, I hope you feel at home here. You don't have to figure everything out at once. You get to move at the pace that feels right for you, and you'll have people walking with you while you do.

Welcome aboard.
— Susan 💜

[Alana Ashleigh]

Hi Jillian

Alana

[tgirlamg]

Welcome Aboard Jillian!

Perhaps in days to come, you come to view all of life as a cruise of sorts! 💕🚢💕

Onward Brave Sister!

A 💕

[Jillian-TG]

Thanks for all the kind words of welcome.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Hello, Jillian.

Welcome to Susan's Place, and thank you for the wonderful introduction!

Feel free to browse the forums and add your comments and experiences as you see fit. We all learn from each other.

If you get lost, have questions, or need help, our Staff and members are always happy to assist.

Here is a useful link if you ever need it:
How to Contact Forum Staff Members

We look forward to seeing you around.

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Jill

Your story really resonates.  That mix of CD, gender fluid feelings and a long marriage with a tolerant partner will feel very familiar to a lot of people here.  It sounds as if you have walked a long winding road already, from dressing more openly before 2004 to going quiet again after emigrating then finding some space again on cruises.

We do have cross dresser forums where others tell their problems and stories, so you are in good company.  Sharing what you have written here is already a big step.

It is good that you have found an outlet for your desires and needs, especially on the cruises.  Having that time where your wife is more relaxed, you are away from daily life, you can breathe a little and let Jill or Jillian come out is precious.  Many of us live in a similar tension between what we need for ourselves and what our relationships, families or churches can comfortably handle.

As you say you care less about what people think, but as you realise that is not always the case.  Others will not always be kind to what you do.  There is no easy way around this.  For me I keep my past life private and my family accepts me, that privacy has worked extremely well for me.  You together with your wife will have to decide who to tell if that is what you want to do in the future.

One way to test the waters is to ask gentle questions of others concerning the issues that surround you.  Another is to make a quiet list of who you think would accept you and who probably would not.  It will not be perfect, but it can give you both an idea of how to proceed and where the safer spaces might be.

The mix of church expectations, adult children and a long marriage is a lot to balance, so please be kind to yourself.  Use the forum as a place to talk things through, ask questions and vent when you need to.  If posting pictures is allowed under the site rules then people will be happy to meet Jill properly.

Thank you for trusting and telling us your story it is really appreciated.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Northern Star Girl @Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Lori Dee @Jillian-TG