Reading through everyone's responses, I'm struck by how different paths led to similar wisdom.
CosmicJoke's point about authenticity over fake friendships. Lori Dee's emphasis on unconditional self-acceptance as the foundation. Ashley's beautiful image of setting adrift from familiar rocks. Charlotte's discovery that our fears about others often don't match reality. Sarah B's quiet success that showed up in hindsight rather than as a grand project. And we have Jillian's honest acknowledgment that circumstances shape what's possible—these all circle around something real.
If I had to name one measure after 30 years of watching people navigate this, it's when you start looking forward instead of back. That shift—from mourning what was or might have been, to inhabiting what is and what's possible—that's when something fundamental has changed,
@Pugs4life (Amy) CynthiaR's wife is just now starting to reach that point in coming to terms with her partner's transition.
A few threads I see running through what everyone's shared:
Success isn't a destination. There's no finish line where you're "done" and everything is resolved. Sarah B's story captures this—her success showed up in hindsight, not as a grand project. It was realizing she was just another woman getting on with her normal life. That quiet ordinariness is what forward looks like.
"Successful" is self-defined. Medical transition, social transition, partial transition, stealth, out and visible—there's no universal template. The people who struggle most are often the ones measuring themselves against someone else's path.
Self-compassion is underrated. So much emphasis gets placed on external challenges—family rejection, medical gatekeeping, social navigation—but the internal voice matters enormously. People who learn to be patient and kind with themselves during the messy middle parts seem to come through it more whole.
Self-acceptance is the foundation. Lori Dee nailed it: once she accepted herself—flaws, failures, and all—everything else became possible. You can't build an authentic life on a foundation of self-rejection.
Circumstances matter. Jillian's point is important. Not everyone has the same runway. Success has to be defined within the life you actually have, not some idealized path. Sometimes forward is a full sprint, sometimes it's small steps, sometimes it's just holding ground until circumstances shift.
Our fears often exceed reality. Charlotte's experience on the construction site—dreading it, then finding it was where she was treated best—is something I've seen repeated countless times. We catastrophize, and then life surprises us.
Vulnerability is strength. Ashley said it beautifully: in opening ourselves up and being vulnerable to life, we find where true strength actually resides.
What everyone here seems to agree on:
You can't get there while living for other people's approval!Love,
— Susan 💜
