Charlotte's scratch post

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

Thanks Danielle and Lori. I do find it hard to let people in as friends and to believe it. Not to mention its a feeling I really get overwhelmed with and struggle to process. But you're always there. Thank you so for being such good friends to me. It helps.

And also to all the others on here that keep giving me kind words. I really appreciate you too.

Love and lots of hugs, Charlotte 😻

[Pema]

Hi Pema, you really do have a way with words and never fail to make me feel warmth. Thank you. I see where you are coming from and would never say those things to anyone. I think all people are beautiful, well apart from myself it seems.

I guess I'm just struggling to feel that I look much different to what I used to. I need to leave him behind but still see him in me.

Charlotte, that warmth you feel is coming from inside of you. If I have anything to do with your feeling it, it's only because I'm pointing it out to you. That's all you, my friend.

And I understand your not wanting to see him in the mirror, but remember that he carried you this far and launched you on this path. Try not to see him as an adversary. His heart is your heart.

I completely relate to what you're saying about your mother. I went through something very similar with my mother many (many) years ago. She made the (presumably unconscious) choice to support her arrogant, narcissistic husband over just being reasonable with me. I felt I had no choice but to interact with her quite superficially, and that really was all she was capable of doing.

About 10 years later, the two of them divorced, and my mother became genuinely interested in me and my life. Decades later, we are extremely close and have been for a long time.

So, things can change and people, too. It just takes time and persistence.

Sending you love,
Pema

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

Hi Pema,
Thank you...sometimes its difficult to feel warmth and light without a little help though. Internally I'm pretty much all consumed with darkness. I hope one day to leave that behind with some therapy.

Charlotte 😻

[Pema]

And I am *ecstatic* that you're in therapy and that it shows such promise. ❤️

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

Running club stepped things up bit so I really felt I got a good work out today. I felt more sociable too and relaxed, so that made it even better. I came away feeling a bit exhausted but in a good way.

I've joined a local club of woman and gender expansive DJs who support each other to grow skills and confidence, but also offer opportunities to perform. I'm hoping this will help me gain confidence and support me to do more and become better. It'll feel at least a safer space to be the real me.

Councelling went well. Determined how a lot of what I do is a front or act born from a perceived need to constantly protect myself. The true me is marred by the front I think the world wants to see. But do I really know what I want? So going to try and connect with myself, try to feel a place of safety. Somewhere I can honestly explore myself.

Thanks again for the love and care given to me by all. Love you all too 😻

Charlotte

[Pema]

Charlotte, I noticed that you'd changed your avatar back to a photo of your face, and I came here to tell you how good it was to see you again, that no matter how you may feel at times about your appearance, you are you and you are special.

When I got here, I saw what you had posted today, and that made it all the better.

Sister, there will be ups and downs. You will learn to ride them and be at ease even when things don't go as you'd hoped. I've seen you come so far in just a few months, and I'm eager to see where you go.

Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us.

Love,
Pema