Oh, Charlotte... This is great stuff. I'm so proud of you for doing all of this.
I could tell you all the things like that perfectionism is cruel and whatever else, but I know that you already know and that my saying it won't change anything and - most importantly - you're doing the work that will build your strength and experience to get you there. That's really the only way, and you're on it.
Exercise and especially with others. It's all phenomenal.
Way to go, sister!
Love,
Pema