Charlotte's scratch post

[Sephirah]

This might seem a little dumb, but since both of you have varying degrees of blue in that picture... which is which? It isn't immediately apparent, haha.

I agree with Sarah, though. You both look carefree.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

This might seem a little dumb, but since both of you have varying degrees of blue in that picture... which is which? It isn't immediately apparent, haha.

I agree with Sarah, though. You both look carefree.

I'm the super colorful kitty with pink ears

[Sephirah]

I'm the super colorful kitty with pink ears

See that was my first guess, but I didn't want to presume anything. The kitty ears kind of gave it away, haha.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I think I've decided now that apart from my GRS next year my transition is complete. I'm never going to look like a woman and I just look ugly anyway. I can just be one of these women that don't take care of themselves. That's something I can achieve and don't need to waste effort on hair, makeup, clothes etc. I've realized that no matter what I do I'm born with this face and body. Any effort to make something more of it is futile. I'm never ever going to look nice, so why get my hopes up and waste energy. I don't want to be a man, but am never going to be a woman either. Just one of those weird queer thing creatures that everyone loathes.

So just awaiting February next year and my journey is completed.


Charlotte 😻

[Pema]

Charlotte, I love the new Tricyrtis ("Toad Lily") avatar. I have that exact flower in my garden and it's *just* emerging from the ground. It won't bloom until September, but it's worth the wait.

BUT

There's also *nothing* wrong with your face. You need not compare yourself to others; you can just be yourself and still be a woman. Beauty is so completely subjective, and I absolutely see beauty in you exactly as you are.

You are more beautiful than a toad lily, and there's no waiting. You're already here.

[Stottie Girl]

I think I've decided now that apart from my GRS next year my transition is complete. I'm never going to look like a woman and I just look ugly anyway. I can just be one of these women that don't take care of themselves. That's something I can achieve and don't need to waste effort on hair, makeup, clothes etc. I've realized that no matter what I do I'm born with this face and body. Any effort to make something more of it is futile. I'm never ever going to look nice, so why get my hopes up and waste energy. I don't want to be a man, but am never going to be a woman either. Just one of those weird queer thing creatures that everyone loathes.

So just awaiting February next year and my journey is completed.


Charlotte 😻

You will be a woman Charlotte, not a CIS woman but a real woman, I mean you are now really. OK, so you won't be strutting your stuff down the Paris catwalks as the next supermodel but who will? Passing is absolutely in everyones wheelhouse if you ask me.

I'm guessing you don't like people staring at you because you think they've clocked you, have you ever considered that they are staring at your outlandish fashion sense and not the fact you are trans at all? I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that at all, far from it, our world could always benefit from a bit of colour and fun. But I know for a fact when a girl (or guy) walks past me who's a real boundary breaking fasionista then I do stare as it puts a smile on my face. If I'm with someone I might say hey look at what she's got on, maybe even point. I never really thought about what she might be thinking as it's such a natural reaction.

I think there is a danger that if you change your face too much will there be anything left of you to recognise? I don't know if I would like that personally.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Charlotte, I love the new Tricyrtis ("Toad Lily") avatar. I have that exact flower in my garden and it's *just* emerging from the ground. It won't bloom until September, but it's worth the wait.

BUT

There's also *nothing* wrong with your face. You need not compare yourself to others; you can just be yourself and still be a woman. Beauty is so completely subjective, and I absolutely see beauty in you exactly as you are.

You are more beautiful than a toad lily, and there's no waiting. You're already here.

It's a very pretty flower from when I had my allotment a few years back. I love flowers a lot, but lack the motivation to care much for my garden.  I'm growing a few veg this year, taking care not to overwhelm myself else I'll give up and get stressed. I guess my favourite flower is the passion flower. I need to get more floral clothes really as they are just innocently beautiful. 

Thanks for the kind words. I just don't feel worthy being around here and other woman and considering myself part of it. I feel like a fraud. Like a 3rd class effort in comparison to everyone else. Equally though I'm not happy myself with how I look. That's never been any different in my whole life really.

Charlotte 😻

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

You will be a woman Charlotte, not a CIS woman but a real woman, I mean you are now really. OK, so you won't be strutting your stuff down the Paris catwalks as the next supermodel but who will? Passing is absolutely in everyones wheelhouse if you ask me.

I'm guessing you don't like people staring at you because you think they've clocked you, have you ever considered that they are staring at your outlandish fashion sense and not the fact you are trans at all? I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that at all, far from it, our world could always benefit from a bit of colour and fun. But I know for a fact when a girl (or guy) walks past me who's a real boundary breaking fasionista then I do stare as it puts a smile on my face. If I'm with someone I might say hey look at what she's got on, maybe even point. I never really thought about what she might be thinking as it's such a natural reaction.

I think there is a danger that if you change your face too much will there be anything left of you to recognise? I don't know if I would like that personally.

I guess on occasion you may be right. But really 75% of the time I'm not dressed that loud or different. A large chunk of my wardrobe has me blending in, even if slightly more coordinated and polished than some. A lot of the time I just want to be comfortable.

In a way I'm not really that attached to my face. If it was possible to completely change so that I looked like a different person, I definitely would do it. I think I'd also completely change my mind too. But alas none of that is possible unfortunately.

I'm limited by finances and practicality how much I can change. I'm pretty much totally committed financially now with my borrowing maxed out for at last 4 years. But I'm still not sure much else can be done unless I can find a surgeon that does really extreme facial changes.

I'll have my GRS then see how I feel a couple of years later and if I still have a job / house at that point!

Charlotte 😻

[Pema]

Thanks for the kind words. I just don't feel worthy being around here and other woman and considering myself part of it. I feel like a fraud. Like a 3rd class effort in comparison to everyone else. Equally though I'm not happy myself with how I look. That's never been any different in my whole life really.

From my perspective, you are undeniably worthy of being here and *are* part of this community. How *you feel* about it and about yourself is something different. I wish you felt the way we do about you, but I understand that you're not there yet.

And for me, none of it has anything to do with appearance. You've never seen my face, but it seems you think I'm more "worthy" than you are. I'm not. You and I are equally worthy.

Hang in there, sister. You, the loving being inside, are worth the effort.

[Stottie Girl]

From my perspective, you are undeniably worthy of being here and *are* part of this community. How *you feel* about it and about yourself is something different. I wish you felt the way we do about you, but I understand that you're not there yet.

And for me, none of it has anything to do with appearance. You've never seen my face, but it seems you think I'm more "worthy" than you are. I'm not. You and I are equally worthy.

Hang in there, sister. You, the loving being inside, are worth the effort.

I would echo what Pema says, how are any of us more worthy than you? You are a part of it as much as any of us.

3rd class effort? What do you mean exactly? If you ask me, going for FFS and GCS is a huge effort! It's way more than I can do right now. What are you comparing yourself to? If it's looks, well most people on here use pictorial avatars and don't show their faces so how can you judge how you compare?

[Dawn Kellie]

Charlotte
I consider you far more beautiful than me. Im just starting my journey and I see how you present yourself. I'm jealous you are one of my heroines.
I hope I can be half as beautiful as you. If I do surgery you will be one of the first people I reach out to for advice and reassurance. 
I look to your bravery and resilience and say I can do this.
You are looked up to and admires. We all have times of doubt and misgivings. What we are doing is a leap of faith in ourselves. 
I love you and admire you. Please hold the line not for me and everyone that loves you, but for yourself. If you have doubts it is human, you are some one to be admired

[Sephirah]

Thanks for the kind words. I just don't feel worthy being around here and other woman and considering myself part of it. I feel like a fraud. Like a 3rd class effort in comparison to everyone else. Equally though I'm not happy myself with how I look. That's never been any different in my whole life really.

Charlotte 😻

Just to say, Charlotte... I have seen you repeatedly, consistently, warmly and sincerely be there for others in need. To be that shoulder to cry on, that smile to laugh with, and that heart to pour into. You do this selflessly, and with love.

Worth means different things to different people, and I would ask only that you think about all those you've helped take those first brave steps, or held their hand through other faltering steps. Or simply shared a moment of joy in those giant leaps. And ask them if you're worthy of being here, and being you.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sweetie. And the worst thing you can do is try to compare yourself to other people. They are, in turn, comparing themselves to yet other people... and everyone finds ways to consider themselves lacking.

To tell you the truth, as someone who can't transition... I feel like a fraud every time I come here, and have done for years. I struggle probably daily with the mental thorns of not being good enough, not being authentic enough, not being... just... enough in general. It's a battle with myself I have won and lost many, many times. But what keeps me going is not who I am. It's what I can do to help others be who they are. That... gives me a reason. You need to find your reason, sweetie.

And... well... don't focus on anything other than being "a Charlotte Kitty". <3 Because she is someone worth knowing, and worth believing in.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I agree with the others that what you have shown us is a beautiful woman. Your personality and warmth shine through. Never compare yourself to others. They are likely more lost than you. Do everything for your own benefit. If it makes you feel better in your own skin, then do it. If you are doing it for someone else, or to measure up to some imagined standard, you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

Hang in there. And remember, we are here for you the same way you have been here for us. Never forget that.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Honestly don't know what to say apart from thanks and love you all. I just do my thing and never want anyone to feel unheard. Sometimes it's hard to know what to say, but feel it's important to say something even if that's just offering hugs. Didn't expect that you all get so much from it as I'm kinda just a newb myself.

I guess I just don't hide very much. If I'm feeling it I tell it for both myself and to be real. Not pretend that this world is easy and kind. But really my fight is with myself. In a way I'm lucky that I've managed to trabsition with very minimal external issues, which I see others on here struggling with on a daily basis. For this I'm entirely grateful. On the flipside I can't escape my demon as that demon is me and there 24 hours a day. I guess I'm saying we all have our own difficulties as none of this is assured to be an easy journey. But I think we all give to each other and hopefully make the process a little easier with it. Also we all think so differently that there are always multiple opinions and options on the table for anyone seeking assistance. That's the beautiful part I think. It wouldn't do well for us all to be the same.

Next week my therapist is going to really earn her money as I offload a truck full of weight. None of this I'm feeling is specific to my trans journey. I remember having these exact same breakdowns and messages back in the late 90s online. Honestly the narrative was exactly the same. I remember having a similar thing in 2002 messaging like this then drinking a litre bottle of tequila in one go. Something is for sure wrong. Guess now I'm finally admitting the issue and trying to solve it.

Charlotte 😻




@Lori Dee @Sephirah @Dawn Kellie @Stottie Girl @Pema

[Dawn Kellie]

I love you sister

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I love you sister

Love u too 😻

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

This is the very small furry meet we have  in the beautiful town of Stafford. The Birmingham meet is much bigger but this one more personal. I'm in the middle as my character Serana.

[Sephirah]

I am a massive sucker for Serana's colour scheme, Charlotte. Blue and purple makes my soul happy. Yes I am weird. That and... as someone who was massively into Skyrim... the name itself. She was, hands down. my favourite vampire, haha.

Didn't expect that you all get so much from it as I'm kinda just a newb myself.

That's kind of the thing. You don't see the ripples you make when you are hyper-focused on the pebble. I am very much the same, Charlotte. We are all newbs, just trying to figure it all out. It takes a certain kind of someone to want to be there for someone else, though. When most can't get past being largely insular. You have a gift for it. And maybe it's something you should explore more?

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I am a massive sucker for Serana's colour scheme, Charlotte. Blue and purple makes my soul happy. Yes I am weird. That and... as someone who was massively into Skyrim... the name itself. She was, hands down. my favourite vampire, haha.

That's kind of the thing. You don't see the ripples you make when you are hyper-focused on the pebble. I am very much the same, Charlotte. We are all newbs, just trying to figure it all out. It takes a certain kind of someone to want to be there for someone else, though. When most can't get past being largely insular. You have a gift for it. And maybe it's something you should explore more?

She is very beautiful colours. I honestly just love colour in all its forms. I adopted Serana from a furry artist so I'm guessing she was named after Skyrim - a lot of furries are huge into gaming.  On a side note Serana was in my top 3 to become my female name! It was between Charlotte, Chloe and Serana!

Thanks for the kind words. Hopefully I can explore more like you say, probably as part of my therapy. It's a weird situation for me though as at most times I have high levels of empathy and care and the urge to support others. But then occasionally I switch and have literally zero empathy or care. I can go completely passive to extreme levels of suffering. It's a Rollercoaster.

Charlotte 😻

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Well today has just been on and off rain and storms, so slept in until lunch time and done nothing apart from some lunch and washing the rest of the day. I still have some build up and swelling on the side of my head so guess it's good to keep rested sometimes before a week of work hell!

Also sorted out all my meds for the week as makes it easier. Back up to 6mg E oral each day now. But I have cyproterone acetate and my venlafaxine each day too, so a few pills.

I'm back to running club tomorrow so hopefully I'll feel up to that. I did parkrun a couple of weeks back and felt very sick. I don't think internally I was recovered. Plus I'm really weak on mornings for the first few hours. I don't think I'm made for mornings as I always feel more tired waking up than when I went to bed.

Charlotte 😻