Lost

[Dawn Kellie]

Spring Florida morning

[Dawn Kellie]

Another day as mostly Kellie. I little concealer, new boyfriend jeans, bralette, cute little tennies.

[Dawn Kellie]

This isn't recent, but it was the first time I had more than just a matte finish.  I loved looking down at my hands and seeing color

[Dawn Kellie]

This picture was before I came to term as Kellie. Im keep my nails longer and my hands better moisturized. Working with my hands it gets a bit hard to keep them looking nice

[Stottie Girl]

This picture was before I came to term as Kellie. Im keep my nails longer and my hands better moisturized. Working with my hands it gets a bit hard to keep them looking nice

It's not nice but what I would say is that when you stop they recover.

When I was a heating engineer I had hard rough skin on my hands and knees (from kneeling all day) I couldn't put tights on unless I wore gloves as my skin kept clicking the nylon! I was always nursing cuts and scrapes on my hands and forever tearing fingernails. They used to get dry and chapped in the winter too. But I've been off the tools now for three years and I have beautifully soft smooth hands and that hard skin on my knees has finally disappeared. I was very self concious of my knees for abot two years after I stopped working.

If only my back would recover too!

[Dawn Kellie]

It's not nice but what I would say is that when you stop they recover.

When I was a heating engineer I had hard rough skin on my hands and knees (from kneeling all day) I couldn't put tights on unless I wore gloves as my skin kept clicking the nylon! I was always nursing cuts and scrapes on my hands and forever tearing fingernails. They used to get dry and chapped in the winter too. But I've been off the tools now for three years and I have beautifully soft smooth hands and that hard skin on my knees has finally disappeared. I was very self concious of my knees for abot two years after I stopped working.

If only my back would recover too!

How is the back doing?

My knee is about to say adiós for final. If I have to kneel down the pain is amazing and that leg can't get me back up.

[Stottie Girl]

How is the back doing?

My knee is about to say adiós for final. If I have to kneel down the pain is amazing and that leg can't get me back up.

I call it "British Gas back" as I got it from twisting underneath boilers in peoples kitchens when replacing parts. I think it's here for life. I get a sharp pain if I lean over to the right and straighten up. To the left of forward is fine. And I wake up with a dull ache at the base of my spine every morning. Probably me done in for life now. I do wonder if this is linked to the sciatica. I did have the beginnings of knee pain as I was on my knees a lot but I think I might have escaped the worst of the damage as they seem to have recovered.

[Dawn Kellie]

I call it "British Gas back" as I got it from twisting underneath boilers in peoples kitchens when replacing parts. I think it's here for life. I get a sharp pain if I lean over to the right and straighten up. To the left of forward is fine. And I wake up with a dull ache at the base of my spine every morning. Probably me done in for life now. I do wonder if this is linked to the sciatica. I did have the beginnings of knee pain as I was on my knees a lot but I think I might have escaped the worst of the damage as they seem to have recovered.

Have you tried spinal injections? My wife had them done after a car accident and they helped. She later did laser nerve ablation. It was magic

[Stottie Girl]

Have you tried spinal injections? My wife had them done after a car accident and they helped. She later did laser nerve ablation. It was magic

It's not really bad enough to warrant stuff like that to be honest Kellie. Maybe as I get older it might become more of an issue.

[Dawn Kellie]

It's not really bad enough to warrant stuff like that to be honest Kellie. Maybe as I get older it might become more of an issue.

Are you saying my wife is old???
She may have something to say about that 🤣🤣🤣🤣
She would laugh I THINK 😂

[davina61]

I try to keep gloves on these days, working with sheet metal making panels up its easy to get cut. A good hand cream as well in the morning works. I have mechanics back, its that angle leaning under bonnets. Got some more pain cream today, like you I can wake with back ache. Its bad posture!!!

[Dawn Kellie]

I primarily wear gloves at work. There are times when I'm dealing with little wires in little spaces or small nuts that the gloves come off. It's company policy we wear gloves. Maintenance has a little leeway only because we have the fine work to do. I put moisturzer on my face every night and rub it in to my hands. It does help, but the chemicals do there damage

[Stottie Girl]

Are you saying my wife is old???
She may have something to say about that 🤣🤣🤣🤣
She would laugh I THINK 😂

You might think that, I couldn't possibly comment!

[Dawn Kellie]

At Disney Magic Kingdom today. My wife has a work retreat and I had the day off so here I am. The weather is great. Low 80s and the humidity is low.
I had to find a seat and let my knee rest.

[Dawn Kellie]

I survived Disney. It came close at times.

I've been reading some of your blogs. I cant express enough the feeling of relief i have. Im not the only on in the world who has suppressed feeling and thoughts.
I have crossdressed off and on since I was young. At first it had a sexual over tone.
That had left several years ago and turned into the way can't I do this all the time. Always looking at a woman and admiring her choices or thinking you should do ... and it would work better.
I've always been the one to go with my daughters and get formal wear or if they wanted some new clothes.  My youngest especially, I'd grab some clothes and tell her if you do this and this and it would work. She'd give me a look than do it and tell me I'm right. I'd be jealous because why cant I dress like that. Always pushing emotions down.
Then in the last few years I felt a change. I was tired of pushing down and wanted something.  I came to Susans.org thinking I was just a crossdresser. Then looking over some of the things other said I realized I'm still holding something back. I had asked for help picking the new name. I made the final decision, but advise was given in love and experience.  Kellie was given life. The more I say and and live it. She is here to stay. Because of people lie @Charlotte Kitty and @Stottie Girl I've found people that are ahead of me in a journey but left footprints and guide posts. I also appreciate the love from @Lori Dee and everyone that has touched me. I love you all and am thankful for all of you.

[Dawn Kellie]

I was just going back on some of my old posts and realized something. I've mentioned in some my wife knows and others I state I have to tell my wife.
For clarification, my wife knows I crossdress. It's hard for her not to know when I wear panties and womans shorts, pants and other things.
I have to tell my wife I have come to the realization I'm transgender. I have a feeling she suspects but the actual act of saying the words haven't been done.
I'm going to have to tell her I need her attention for an hour, because I need to talk to her. I will have to specify i only want to be with her. She and I will have to set ground rules for times I have to present male. She works for a faith based hospital and she us a program director. It could adversely affect her career. I love her to much to cause her negative consequences.
I hope this helps someone somewhere

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

So glad to hear you've made such progress on here, particularly finding yourself as transgender...as a woman. That itself is such a huge thing. And then after this I've seen you grow in confidence here so much that your true personality is getting into all your messages. There is definitely no keeping you locked away that's for sure.

I note the complexity in the situation with your wife. It's positive you have some freedom in wearing women's clothes sometimes. But sure the next step of telling her officially is definitely scary and kinda unknown. She either suspects a lot already and you'll just confirm this or it'll come as a surprise. I think being prepared for both is wise. Preparing a time is akways good as it's easy to chicken out or other things to come up in the way. But probably not too far in the future as you might worry for days. Ultimately has to be right time for you though and when you feel strong, then have free time after to keep the dialogue going I guess. We of course are all here for you.

Charlotte 😻

[Lori Dee ✅]

I think it will be important to remember that you are not doing anything to her. You were born this way, and you are just now coming to grips with it. Even if she suspects, the confirmation will come as a shock to her. Let her ask questions. Allow her plenty of time and space to process this.

You have been adjusting to it for many years. She has not had that much time. Be gentle. Listen. And make sure she knows you understand her concerns. You are telling her now because you believe in being honest. This is as honest as you can get. Whether or not she accepts it is up to her, not you. You are only giving her information - intimate details that you have never shared before, because she is entitled to your honesty.

The other reason for telling her is that you would like her to be with you on this journey. She may not want that, and she is entitled to those feelings. Your life will continue in some form, whether she accepts it or not. Hopefully, her love for you and her understanding will bring her forward with support and acceptance. You are already aware of how that may affect her employment, and you understand that concern. Make sure she knows that you understand.

[Stottie Girl]

I survived Disney. It came close at times.

I've been reading some of your blogs. I cant express enough the feeling of relief i have. Im not the only on in the world who has suppressed feeling and thoughts.
I have crossdressed off and on since I was young. At first it had a sexual over tone.
That had left several years ago and turned into the way can't I do this all the time. Always looking at a woman and admiring her choices or thinking you should do ... and it would work better.
I've always been the one to go with my daughters and get formal wear or if they wanted some new clothes.  My youngest especially, I'd grab some clothes and tell her if you do this and this and it would work. She'd give me a look than do it and tell me I'm right. I'd be jealous because why cant I dress like that. Always pushing emotions down.
Then in the last few years I felt a change. I was tired of pushing down and wanted something.  I came to Susans.org thinking I was just a crossdresser. Then looking over some of the things other said I realized I'm still holding something back. I had asked for help picking the new name. I made the final decision, but advise was given in love and experience.  Kellie was given life. The more I say and and live it. She is here to stay. Because of people lie @Charlotte Kitty and @Stottie Girl I've found people that are ahead of me in a journey but left footprints and guide posts. I also appreciate the love from @Lori Dee and everyone that has touched me. I love you all and am thankful for all of you.

Your story arc is one of the most interesting to follow on here for me. I have seen you change so rapidly and you seem to be getting happier by the day. It's lovely to see. I think your earlier posts were nervous and full of angst but now, you're so confident and Kellie has been developing in front of our eyes.

There are many parallels between our experiences on here. Long may it continue!

Sarah xx

[Dawn Kellie]

Your story arc is one of the most interesting to follow on here for me. I have seen you change so rapidly and you seem to be getting happier by the day. It's lovely to see. I think your earlier posts were nervous and full of angst but now, you're so confident and Kellie has been developing in front of our eyes.

There are many parallels betwen our experiences on here. Long may it continue!

Sarah xx

You are to kind