The world according to Sarah

[Stottie Girl]

On a somewhat more depressing theme I've just lost contact with someone who I hold very dear to my heart and I'm really feeling isolated and lonely right now. If I'm not my usual chirpy self for the next few days this will be why. I will try to keep coming on here for human contact at least.

I don't really know how to make new friends and I'm scared that if I fully transition it will become impossible. If any of you have been in this situation how did you reach out to find new people? I am an introvert by nature and most of my hobbbies and interests are solitary pursuits.

Everytime I make a connection they end up leaving me, I feel like there must be something wrong with me. People say "oh you just haven't met the right people" but I'm 50, where are the right people?

Sorry for being depressing. I'll snap out of it. I'm just feeling exhausted and low right now and it helps to get it off my chest.

[davina61]

Hugs my dear, I went to open mic nights dragged along by my friend Deb. Made a lot of friends there but not been for ages as they stopped doing them for a bit and now its once a month. Maybe find a pub with quiz nights/ bingo/ music .

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I feel your pain with the making friends problem. Everyone just ends up going quiet and like you I've not a clue how to make friends. Not had a IRL friend since school tbh.

Ive just joined a friebdship app...kinda like a dating app for friends.  Totally open that I'm trans and already chatting to about 5 people.  Will see how it goes, might be good for you too as both parties are looking for friendship so at least you have that goal.

[KathyLauren]

If any of you have been in this situation how did you reach out to find new people?

I am sorry you are feeling down and lonely.

I am an introvert, too, and I find it hard to make friends.  I do need people around me, but in small doses.  I can talk easily to one or two people, but in a group of four or more, I turn into a doorstop.  So I do get it.

Around here, there are community "coffee and chat" groups.  Typically held once a week at a community hall. Someone puts on a pot of coffee, someone might bring treats, and whoever shows up sits for an hour and hangs out.  When we moved recently, we looked online for a coffee and chat group.  We found a few and checked them out.  One had a table for men and a different table for women.  Nope, not for us.  We found a nice one a half-hour drive from home, and we've been going regularly.  It's a fun way to meet people.  You can really only talk to the one or two people next to you or across from you, so the numbers don't get overwhelming. 

You can also catch up on community news there.  From time to time, someone will bang their coffee cup on the table, stand up, and make an announcement.  That is actually how I came out publicly: a stand-up announcement at the weekly coffee and chat.

It might be worthwhile looking for something similar in your area.

[Stottie Girl]

I feel your pain with the making friends problem. Everyone just ends up going quiet and like you I've not a clue how to make friends. Not had a IRL friend since school tbh.

Ive just joined a friebdship app...kinda like a dating app for friends.  Totally open that I'm trans and already chatting to about 5 people.  Will see how it goes, might be good for you too as both parties are looking for friendship so at least you have that goal.

I saw an app like that called Bumble. I might have to look at that but it is tricky being stuck halfway right now. Thanks Charlotte.

[Stottie Girl]

Hugs my dear, I went to open mic nights dragged along by my friend Deb. Made a lot of friends there but not been for ages as they stopped doing them for a bit and now its once a month. Maybe find a pub with quiz nights/ bingo/ music .

I don't have any friends to go with Davina. I can't just turn up at a quiz night and ask to join someones team. Going into a pub on my own right now is not something I can do. I appreciate the comment though, thanks Davina.

[tammy753]

I am sorry that person cut off contact. Know its them and not you that decided that. I am the one that does that too people and I always feel bad about it but in my mind I am protecting them from me. So don't assume you did anything wrong we can't know what is happening with other people.

Know if you need something you can message me and I will tell you a silly joke or something until you cheer up or get angry and block me...probably the second so please cheer up and know you are wanted and liked.

[Stottie Girl]

I am sorry you are feeling down and lonely.

I am an introvert, too, and I find it hard to make friends.  I do need people around me, but in small doses.  I can talk easily to one or two people, but in a group of four or more, I turn into a doorstop.  So I do get it.

Around here, there are community "coffee and chat" groups.  Typically held once a week at a community hall. Someone puts on a pot of coffee, someone might bring treats, and whoever shows up sits for an hour and hangs out.  When we moved recently, we looked online for a coffee and chat group.  We found a few and checked them out.  One had a table for men and a different table for women.  Nope, not for us.  We found a nice one a half-hour drive from home, and we've been going regularly.  It's a fun way to meet people.  You can really only talk to the one or two people next to you or across from you, so the numbers don't get overwhelming. 

You can also catch up on community news there.  From time to time, someone will bang their coffee cup on the table, stand up, and make an announcement.  That is actually how I came out publicly: a stand-up announcement at the weekly coffee and chat.

It might be worthwhile looking for something similar in your area.

Thanks Kathy, I will give it some consideration but the key takeaway is that you went as a couple. I can do most things when I have someone beside me, I just don't have that anymore unfortunately. The thought of just walking into a room full of people like that fills me with dread! Plus I'm on the edge of a big (ish) city and I wonder if that sort of group exists in my area anyway. It is more of a commuter village but it's gradually getting swallowed up by the city limits. City folk aren't usually as friendly as country folk in my experience.

I think I'm just destined to be alone all my life in all honesty. I'm doing something wrong as everyone I get close to leaves.

I do have a spark of an idea to join a local hiking group as I think that might be more my thing but I am woefully unfit currently. I am working on that though, however, I would rather go into that as the real me which I am not yet ready for. The possiblity of that is getting closer though.

Sorry, I'm being a bit of a whiny so and so this morning!

[Stottie Girl]

I am sorry that person cut off contact. Know its them and not you that decided that. I am the one that does that too people and I always feel bad about it but in my mind I am protecting them from me. So don't assume you did anything wrong we can't know what is happening with other people.

Know if you need something you can message me and I will tell you a silly joke or something until you cheer up or get angry and block me...probably the second so please cheer up and know you are wanted and liked.

Ha ha! Thanks Tammy, see you made me laugh already!

Funny, that is what they said to me too but I don't want or need to be protected from them. I'm just hurting a bit right now, it's still a bit raw. I'll bounce back, I've been alone most of my adult life, I'm used to rejection after rejection, it doesn't hurt any less but I can recover quickly. I just feel like there is no point in lowering my defensive walls anymore, it just leads nowhere but misery.

Ooof! what a gloomy guts I am today! Tell me a joke Tammy!

[Stottie Girl]

I took a call from the GP surgery this morning telling me to take Vitamin B12 as I'm slightly aneamic. They also mentioned that some of my blood test results were "abnormal" and the GP will probably call me in to discuss. Ooooh! the suspense is killing me!

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

That hiking group sounds ideal for you as your focus is hiking and not necessarily social. You can have chatty moments and quiet ones. Also the activity gives stuff to chat about that's easy going. Deep chat would come as you feel comfortable. 

Honestly I totally understand you. I went to  trans social and just shut down. Too many people and got overwhelmed. Couldn't even chat to the person next to me who was not chatting to anyone. Its like paralysis sometimes.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Another introvert here, and I agree with Charlotte; the hiking club sounds perfect. What about a photography club, cooking classes, or local history groups that could benefit from your experience?

The key is that you are not there to make friends. You are there to participate in the event, and that keeps the pressure off. If it is a regular event, people will get to know you. I typically don't TRY to make new friends, because I mostly just don't care. I do try to keep my walls down, so I still meet people.

I don't intentionally drive people away. I just really suck at keeping relationships working, and people drift away. But having common activities seems to help keep things together longer.

[tammy753]

Ha ha! Thanks Tammy, see you made me laugh already!

Funny, that is what they said to me too but I don't want or need to be protected from them. I'm just hurting a bit right now, it's still a bit raw. I'll bounce back, I've been alone most of my adult life, I'm used to rejection after rejection, it doesn't hurt any less but I can recover quickly. I just feel like there is no point in lowering my defensive walls anymore, it just leads nowhere but misery.

Ooof! what a gloomy guts I am today! Tell me a joke Tammy!

I don't do joke jokes but I can tell you a story.

I use AI a lot for my job I can tell it Scooby Doo references and it will play along. AI: JINKIES! I think we have found the problem. It wasn't Old Man Withers it was Windows 11 the entire time.

[tammy753]

Also I had to write a script to prevent me from surfing the web during the day. I tells me to get back to work every time I launch it. I stopped it so I could screw off during this meeting. Someone should fire me.

[Devlyn ✅]

Also I had to write a script to prevent me from surfing the web during the day. I tells me to get back to work every time I launch it. I stopped it so I could screw off during this meeting. Someone should fire me.

"Jetson, you're Fi-i-i-i-red!"

[Stottie Girl]

I don't do joke jokes but I can tell you a story.

I use AI a lot for my job I can tell it Scooby Doo references and it will play along. AI: JINKIES! I think we have found the problem. It wasn't Old Man Withers it was Windows 11 the entire time.

🤣 That'll do just fine Tammy! Thanks hun!

[KathyLauren]

I do have a spark of an idea to join a local hiking group

What a good idea!  I did that, back when I was in my 40s, for that exact reason: to meet people.  I figured, worst case, I'd have fun hiking.  As it turned out, I met my now wife on one of those hikes.

Any decent hiking club will have hikes suitable for beginners.

[Finally Anna]

I typically don't TRY to make new friends

The way to go. Meet people and socialize with people without any other goal than to meet and socialize. Now and then there's someone with whom it clicks and with time they could become real friends.

Sarah, it takes two to Tango and if they cannot follow when you lead with rhytm then they need to shape up.

[KristaFairchild]

I'm sure it will feel good to understand what is happening and hope it's soon! ❤️

[Stottie Girl]

The way to go. Meet people and socialize with people without any other goal than to meet and socialize. Now and then there's someone with whom it clicks and with time they could become real friends.

Sarah, it takes two to Tango and if they cannot follow when you lead with rhytm then they need to shape up.

50 Years and counting and I've rarely clicked with anyone sadly. Never found a partner though I think that has more to do with repressed sexuality I think.