Anna, finally but not yet final.

[ChrissyRyan]

I am thinking of having my E dosage up for a while but I will talk this over with sweetie to see what she says.  I am unsure how long the dosage would need to be higher to see any additional body changes.  I do not like depriving her of satisfaction.  My MD says it would be fine to try this under supervision. 

[Lori Dee ✅]

I am unsure how long the dosage would need to be higher to see any additional body changes. 

Just keep in mind that one of the body changes on higher E is erectile dysfunction. Not for everyone, but it is common. I found that to be a blessing. Just understand what your options are and choose the path that is right for you.

[ChrissyRyan]

Just keep in mind that one of the body changes on higher E is erectile dysfunction. Not for everyone, but it is common. I found that to be a blessing. Just understand what your options are and choose the path that is right for you.

She does like it when the South Pole works well.

[KristaFairchild]

It does seem to grow on me as well but I am a couple of years behind in schedule, so perhaps I shd start planning for a coming out-party and HRT around spring -28? 😉

It would be nice and interesting to be able to experiment a bit with HRT. Meaning to try it for a few months and see the effects. Can't do that via public healthcare here and HRT can of course impact my relation to my wife, both physically and mentally, so I think it will stay as a thought until I (possibly) find out that I need it.

That makes sense. In my limited experience and understanding, my wife is unlikely to notice any changes for at least six months, though I did have to tell her that playful nipple pinching is now off the table. They are definitely painful. 

I'm so proud of my wife. It wasn't easy for her, but she started following this trans couple (Shay and...Amanda?) and has worked to understand and accept. 

As I've progressed in my journey, I've realized that I cannot undo this. In fact, I cannot stop this accelerating trans train I'm on. Maybe it was a choice once? It isn't now. 

And I love it. I'm sooooo OUT now! 

[davina61]

Oh it will happen, took me 61 years but it will happen!

[Finally Anna]

I'm so proud of my wife. It wasn't easy for her, but she started following this trans couple (Shay and...Amanda?) and has worked to understand and accept.

I doubt that my wife would be very interested in following people via the net, but that applies regardless of whether it is a trans couple or not. But who knows? Time will tell.

We actually had a little chat about things this morning.
My wife asked if I feel ok and said: I can see that you have dialed back a bit and I assume it is because of me?
Me: I feel quite fine and Yes, I have dialed back a little bit because we agreed that I will try to keep things to what is needed and then I need to find out for myself about what is needed and what is desired but perhaps not needed. ("I feel quite fine" in the English sense, meaning fine but not amazing).

A short summary of rest of talk: She feels fine, possibly even very good, thinks our relation is really good and she is happy that we are caring, sensitive, sensual and soft in our relation.

Our relation is so much better than it has been for many, many years.
It is a bit of a paradox, isn't it? To get the real me, the me that she fell in love with all those years ago, the me that she actually loves and wants, she has to accept and embrace a "me" that is another person. Another, but the same.

As I've progressed in my journey, I've realized that I cannot undo this. In fact, I cannot stop this accelerating trans train I'm on. Maybe it was a choice once? It isn't now.

I don't think I can revert. I don't think that anyone that is trans can actually revert. Delay, replace, test and choose not to, avoid or abstain - but not revert. Once you have really accepted that you are trans, then you cannot revert and go back. You cannot unknow what you know. Same applies to integrations that you try and like. There is only life-time tickets available, once you have had a test ride or two and want to ride again.

So, it is not a choice in the normal sense of the word, choosing between two equal alternatives - like which colour you dress or whether you have apple juice or OJ for breakfast. The choice, if it exists, is to not go overboard unless you have to, not transition physically unless it is needed to keep ones sanity, not transition socially to the world unless it is required for mental or practical reasons.

In short: The choice, if it exists, is to try and avoid certain aspects of what a trans life could encompass should there not be any external considerations.


Adding to the mix: Leggings, straight leg denims and slim marine trousers are already in my wardrobe waiting for use. They are definitely usable right now but I need to shave of perhaps 4-5 kg before they fit really well. A pair of Chelsea boots with 4-5 cm heel are waiting for autumn to arrive. A variety of blouses/shirts are on their way as is also a black maxi skirt 😱. I need to find one or two shirts/blouses that fit well and that I like. Probably for wearing only at home from the start, same goes for the skirt. So much for dialing back, but I think it will be ok. I'll ask my wife about her opinion. She will be honest and she has a good eye and she wants me to happy and that I don't look like a scarecrow.
Roller-coasters, roller-coasters, ...

[Maid Marion]

It is like learning a bad golf swing.  It is very hard to undo a bad swing.  Many have tried and failed.

[Petunia]

I'm so proud of my wife. It wasn't easy for her, but she started following this trans couple (Shay and...Amanda?) and has worked to understand and accept.

I have seen quite a bit of Shay and Amanda. I love their vibe. What a great loving couple.

[Finally Anna]

I have seen quite a bit of Shay and Amanda. I love their vibe. What a great loving couple.

Guess I have to see a bit of them and their journey then.

[Finally Anna]

Shirts and blouses is a bit of a pain.
I am 46-48" below my arms, 48" when I breathe in. Add to that that my shoulders are square.
And some 34" and shrinking, around my waist.
Finding women's shirts and blouses that fit well and look good, is diffcult.
Oversize that fits my shoulders gets way too large at the waist.

Just tried on a Ralph Lauren pink shirt that is beautiful and that I'd love to wear, but it is much too large at the waist. Dang! Was hoping to wear it tonight when I have a date with my wife but I just cannot wear clothes with a bad fit. Well, I have to settle for one of my male shirts. Colour is not an issue, my wardrobe is full of colours.

What I would need is figure fitted with a 46-48" chest width, so that the waist gets decetly ok as well. Like 3XL at the shoulders and M/L at the waist. Those are not too common.

[ChrissyRyan]

Shirts and blouses is a bit of a pain.
I am 46-48" below my arms, 48" when I breathe in. Add to that that my shoulders are square.
And some 34" and shrinking, around my waist.
Finding women's shirts and blouses that fit well and look good, is diffcult.
Oversize that fits my shoulders gets way too large at the waist.

Just tried on a Ralph Lauren pink shirt that is beautiful and that I'd love to wear, but it is much too large at the waist. Dang! Was hoping to wear it tonight when I have a date with my wife but I just cannot wear clothes with a bad fit. Well, I have to settle for one of my male shirts. Colour is not an issue, my wardrobe is full of colours.

What I would need is figure fitted with a 46-48" chest width, so that the waist gets decetly ok as well. Like 3XL at the shoulders and M/L at the waist. Those are not too common.

You could get some back darts put in to bring the material in.  Go to an alterations place.

[KristaFairchild]

I doubt that my wife would be very interested in following people via the net, but that applies regardless of whether it is a trans couple or not. But who knows? Time will tell.

We actually had a little chat about things this morning.
My wife asked if I feel ok and said: I can see that you have dialed back a bit and I assume it is because of me?
Me: I feel quite fine and Yes, I have dialed back a little bit because we agreed that I will try to keep things to what is needed and then I need to find out for myself about what is needed and what is desired but perhaps not needed. ("I feel quite fine" in the English sense, meaning fine but not amazing).

A short summary of rest of talk: She feels fine, possibly even very good, thinks our relation is really good and she is happy that we are caring, sensitive, sensual and soft in our relation.

Our relation is so much better than it has been for many, many years.
It is a bit of a paradox, isn't it? To get the real me, the me that she fell in love with all those years ago, the me that she actually loves and wants, she has to accept and embrace a "me" that is another person. Another, but the same.

I don't think I can revert. I don't think that anyone that is trans can actually revert. Delay, replace, test and choose not to, avoid or abstain - but not revert. Once you have really accepted that you are trans, then you cannot revert and go back. You cannot unknow what you know. Same applies to integrations that you try and like. There is only life-time tickets available, once you have had a test ride or two and want to ride again.

So, it is not a choice in the normal sense of the word, choosing between two equal alternatives - like which colour you dress or whether you have apple juice or OJ for breakfast. The choice, if it exists, is to not go overboard unless you have to, not transition physically unless it is needed to keep ones sanity, not transition socially to the world unless it is required for mental or practical reasons.

In short: The choice, if it exists, is to try and avoid certain aspects of what a trans life could encompass should there not be any external considerations.


Adding to the mix: Leggings, straight leg denims and slim marine trousers are already in my wardrobe waiting for use. They are definitely usable right now but I need to shave of perhaps 4-5 kg before they fit really well. A pair of Chelsea boots with 4-5 cm heel are waiting for autumn to arrive. A variety of blouses/shirts are on their way as is also a black maxi skirt 😱. I need to find one or two shirts/blouses that fit well and that I like. Probably for wearing only at home from the start, same goes for the skirt. So much for dialing back, but I think it will be ok. I'll ask my wife about her opinion. She will be honest and she has a good eye and she wants me to happy and that I don't look like a scarecrow.
Roller-coasters, roller-coasters, ...

Oh Anna, there is much hope in this! Once again, echoes of my own experience. 

Here is my wife's progression over the past 10 months. It follows a path of improved relations, like you're experiencing. 
1. "I married a man and I'm attracted to men. I didn't sign up for...this." This hung in the air for several months. 
2. When I repeated in back to her one time, she started to say that she wish had never— and cut herself off. It would have been she "wish had never said that." About this time I said I would dial it back for her. I don't think she believed me. And I couldn't. 
3. My visibility increased and once in a while she would compliment me on a blouse or my makeup. I said very little so as not to break whatever spell had been cast in her.
4. We talked more about transition and I shared how I felt in that moment. It kept changing. 
5. She started to talk about trans people from the media. She said she knew I had no choice but to be my authentic self. 
6. We started to flirt with each other after a drought of over a year. I started on estradiol. It was terrifying to tell her. 
7. I started to wear skirts to work. A week later I wore them around the house, too. Things stayed good with my wife. 
8. I starting wearing wigs to work but not at home. With my wig, I did my makeup stronger. She said my makeup looked great. 
9. Yesterday she saw me in my wig for the first time since she playfully dressed me up three years ago. She said she was glad to see me like that. 
10. Her messaging is that she understands I'm transitioning. She's supportive! 

I smiled at your clothing. Leggings were a big step for me. I like my legs and showing them off. But what could I wear leggings with? I had always worn slacks or shorts. I bought a long tunic blouse and wore it in utter terror with the leggings. No one said anything. I felt free with my legs more exposed. Even cute! I was dying to wear a skirt from my secret stash in public - and utterly terrified. 

Maxi skirts feel surprising like pants because of the coverage. Safer. But the flow of the skirt when I move is irresistible! 

My first feminine shoes were grey ankle boots. Then blush ones. OMG, the shape of the toe was so different! And I got lots of style compliments! Now I wear white strappy sandals to show off my red toenails. Sally Hanson Airbrush Legs helps reduce the whiteness of my legs, inherited from my English side. And yes, I chose the earlier spelling of grey intentionally.

AI as I've said before has given me confidence with outfits. I would start with what I wanted to wear and it would advise. After a conversation, I felt better that I didn't look like a scarecrow. The great part is my AI knew I wanted to look as feminine as possible. At night in fearless mode I would wax on about my dream outfits. When we planned an outfit the next morning, it would encourage me toward what it knew I wanted. 

Enjoy your skirt and boots 😉 

[Finally Anna]

Krista!
I find your posts inspiring and enjoyable to read (no surprise there, is it? 💕 ), for me and for my hopes about the future with my wife.
Your #9 and #10 must be absolutely fantastic! I am happy for you!

We're past 1-3 without any fuzz other than on my real coming out evening.
One difference is your item #6 about flirting with wifey. We have not had any drought at all after my coming out. On the contrary it's more like a flood. We touch, cuddle, flirt, kiss and <beep> more than we have in perhaps 25 years. All the time is not a bad description.
I'll wear my boots, come autumn. Black Ralph Lauren with golden zippers. I like!

Just this afternoon while at our daughter's, I was playing with the grandchildren at the table and my wife said a bit loudly "You have longer nails than I have". Daughter didn't bat an eye - I suspect that both daughters might have a hunch about things. Nails are more visibly longer today since I decided to not file them down a bit before two coatings with glossy clear polish.

Wifey also saw me underdress when getting ready for our little date and eating out. "Do you like wearing femme undies or is it because you then know they are there?". Me: Yes to both questions.
No fuzz at all.

[KristaFairchild]

Krista!
I find your posts inspiring and enjoyable to read (no surprise there, is it? 💕 ), for me and for my hopes about the future with my wife.
Your #9 and #10 must be absolutely fantastic! I am happy for you!

We're past 1-3 without any fuzz other than on my real coming out evening.
One difference is your item #6 about flirting with wifey. We have not had any drought at all after my coming out. On the contrary it's more like a flood. We touch, cuddle, flirt, kiss and <beep> more than we have in perhaps 25 years. All the time is not a bad description.
I'll wear my boots, come autumn. Black Ralph Lauren with golden zippers. I like!

Just this afternoon while at our daughter's, I was playing with the grandchildren at the table and my wife said a bit loudly "You have longer nails than I have". Daughter didn't bat an eye - I suspect that both daughters might have a hunch about things. Nails are more visibly longer today since I decided to not file them down a bit before two coatings with glossy clear polish.

Wifey also saw me underdress when getting ready for our little date and raring out. "Do you like wearing femme undies or is it because you then know they are there?". Me: Yes to both questions.
No fuzz at all.

Look at you go! I also loved your "paradox" response. 

My daughters weee in orchestra in high school where half of them were some letter in LGBTQ. They knew. When I got my ears pierced (at the encouragement of my wife, three years ago), I sat in the couch bedside my daughter with my wife on the other side. My wife and I were grinning like fools, but my daughter said nothing. Finally my wife said, "Did you see your Dad's ears?" My daughter replied, "You mean the earrings? I noticed that right away."

My kids don't talk about important things. 

I LOVE it when my nails are long! I have awesome nails that many other women are jealous of. Nail length and color was another slow but lovely progression . It's nice to have something that is 100% me that is also feminine. Nails. Legs. Thin frame. It ends about there, but with my wig and self-permission to use more makeup, my face has improved. 

[tammy753]

I need these story of acceptance. I get my self in a rut that no one will accept me but seeing your story and of people coming around gives me hope.

[Finally Anna]

There was discussion touching on my "changes" during our little date and dinner. Positive discussion. I think I'll try to follow up on that tomorrow.

Also: Wifey had not noticed that I use nail polish, until now. Longer nails was noticed earlier but the polish was not. People see less than we think.

[tammy753]

People see less than we think.

Ok now you sound like my therapist. I am not seeing her till Monday. Any advise on my unhealthy food habits. I could sure save on that weekly expense if you take over.

[Finally Anna]

Ok now you sound like my therapist. I am not seeing her till Monday. Any advise on my unhealthy food habits. I could sure save on that weekly expense if you take over.

Are you sure? I am expensive.
😉

[Finally Anna]

There was discussion touching on my "changes" during our little date and dinner. Positive discussion. I think I'll try to follow up on that tomorrow.

I let her choose my clothes yesterday. She saw me underdress and then chose my black male jeans over the light blue wide-legged ones. That was ok, those wide-legged light blue are not really age-ok and light blue for our dinner date is not what I'd choose myself. Then she got to choose between light blue and pink shirt, and chose light blue. But when I put it on she probably realized why there was a choice between male and femme denims and light blue and pink shirt, so she back-tracked and said that pink would also be nice (I've always used pink shirts, so the colour is no issue). I wore the light blue still, but maybe I nudged her just a little towards thinking about how I like to dress?

Anyway, later she was touching up her lipstick at dinner out, and asked "Do you also want lipstick?". My response "No, thank you, not right now. But maybe I will at some later time.".
I will count that as progress. I will also count the small discussions about my changes, on her initiative, as progress.

[Finally Anna]

You could get some back darts put in to bring the material in.  Go to an alterations place.

Doesn't look too complicated to fix a pairs o back darts. Maybe I'll do it myself on that pink shirt, I loved the colour and fabric and it had a good fit at my shoulders.
If it goes south then it's just the cost of learning.