Journey of Jillian and Julie

[Finally Anna]

She said she thinks it's a perfect size for me and something I could wear in November on formal night on our first cruise on Princess Cruises which is a more formal cruise line.

Jillian, everything you wrote is so nice, but what stands out to me is the text I quoted. Your wife is really embracing your journey, and it must be so truly relieving and fantastic for both of you.
💕

[Jillian-TG]

Jillian, everything you wrote is so nice, but what stands out to me is the text I quoted. Your wife is really embracing your journey, and it must be so truly relieving and fantastic for both of you.
💕

Thank you. Yes things have definitely progressed in a positive direction. I can't describe how difficult the journey has been the past 30 years with many low points where it seemed impossible that we would ever be on the same page. I will admit that because we've had many "relapses" where she has reversed things, it does make me cautious about the future. So I take it a day at a time and try not to get my hopes too high.

Despite all the recent progress, I'm very afraid that she will get cold feet again and change her mind. That why I've said we still have a long road ahead of us.

[Jillian-TG]

I received an "interesting" random message on my Facebook profile (it's one I use as Jillian / Julie). I'm open about myself there, the same as I'm open on this discussion forum. I will copy and paste the message below where someone was strongly objecting to me considering myself as transgender and that I should consider myself a cross dresser. But for me it's NOT just about the clothing and "getting dressed up" but rather my gender identity and how I want to live my life on a day to day basis. The primary reason I haven't come out fully (yet!) is out of respect for my wife and my desire to protect and preserve our marriage and family unit. I'm not just playing dress up. But I'm curious about how the rest of you feel about someone like me who has not yet started any HRT and I haven't had any surgery. If you asked me would I like to use HRT and do surgical interventions then yes, but it's a challenge right now for personal reasons. All of my decisions are a trade off because I'm married and I love my wife dearly. And we are trying slowly to find a middle ground.

Here is what the person messaged to me:

Honey your a crossdresser. Not trans. You actually have to be prescribed hormones. To start transtioning. Theirs no im trans and figuring it out. Your a crossdresser like the rest of us. Just to accept it. Anything else is clawing for attention!! You have to do more than grow your hair out. And someone do your makeup. This crap is getting old!!  Dont claim something your not. Have you developed breast from hormones. No. Have you got stretch marks from the hormones you take no. Is your skin soft. Is your chest sore. Do you have scars from surgery. No you dont. Your a crossdresser plain and simple!!! You have not been threw the struggles and trials it takes to be trans. So please label your self correctly!!!

[Devlyn ✅]

Tell them to worry about labelling themselves and to leave your labels to you.

[Maid Marion]

I think it is a complicated personal decision for you to decide.

I have enough confidence to socialize at a popular beach in a hot pink bikini without HRT or surgeries.
I'll also use the ladies room at a nearby seafood shack wearing a T-shirt that doesn't really hide my bikini.

Marion

[Lori Dee ✅]

They have no idea what Gender Identity means. Very often, the ones who scream the loudest clearly show their ignorance.

Gender identity is one's intimate, internal understanding of self as female, male, both, neither, or anywhere along the gender continuum. This sense of self—distinct from the sex assigned at birth—includes a broad array of identities and is a deeply personal facet of each individual's life.

Journeys vary. Some people experience a consistent, lifelong identification with a particular gender. Others may experience shifts over time, reflecting the naturally fluid ways identity can develop. However it unfolds, each person's experience is valid.

https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=247148.msg2262144#msg2262144

[Finally Anna]

A Deadhead. Ignore and carry on.

Who knows if Jillian is trans? Jillian!
I'm less out than you and I know I'm trans. Would I want the whole kit? Yes. Will I get the whole kit? Most likely not, for the same reasons as you.

[Jillian-TG]

The more I think about it, one cannot use evidence of medical intervention as the criteria of being trans because one should only be prescribed to do HRT or surgery AFTER you are diagnosed as transgender. That person seems to think that without having already done medical intervention you cannot be trans. That would be an unsolvable circular problem if you need a medical diagnosis as being trans in order to get HRT or surgery.

It's definitely a hot topic these days on what the definitions and boundaries are.

[Lori Dee ✅]

The more I think about it, one cannot use evidence of medical intervention as the criteria of being trans because one should only be prescribed to do HRT or surgery AFTER you are diagnosed as transgender.

Once upon a time, transsexual referred to someone who had surgery. Transgender implied pre-op. As we evolve, transsexual has been deprecated, and transgender has become the inclusive term.

Many transgender people start out cross-dressing. They later feel that it doesn't help enough with their dysphoria, and many then become diagnosed as transgender. So here we do not differentiate between one or the other.

Generally speaking, cross-dressing without gender dysphoria is for sexual arousal. Transgender people do it because it makes them feel normal. But as I said, many who start cross-dressing later realize that it is far more than just a phase or fetish. All are welcome here.

[Jillian-TG]

Once upon a time, transsexual referred to someone who had surgery. Transgender implied pre-op. As we evolve, transsexual has been deprecated, and transgender has become the inclusive term.

Many transgender people start out cross-dressing. They later feel that it doesn't help enough with their dysphoria, and many then become diagnosed as transgender. So here we do not differentiate between one or the other.

Generally speaking, cross-dressing without gender dysphoria is for sexual arousal. Transgender people do it because it makes them feel normal. But as I said, many who start cross-dressing later realize that it is far more than just a phase or fetish. All are welcome here.

Thank you. What you said makes a lot of sense.

[Maid Marion]

In my case it is far easier to socialize presenting female.

Marion

[Petunia]

Jillian, we are in very similar situations. You are the only one who can judge where you sit.

External forces will shape where we go.

For now I'm trying to avoid labels and that being the case, nobody else can accurately label me.

When I read about the current definitions of transgender I certainly tick most of the boxes.

But for my wifes sake and our marriages sake I won't be going around labelling myself like that to our friends. At least for now

[Finally Anna]

Having exact definitions for things that are not exact and with clear borders, has never worked well. Unfortunately it is a bit of a thing today, to label and define even when there is a greyscale.
🥰

[Jillian-TG]

Got a nice surprise yesterday when my wife got me a ladies watch to wear on our cruise in November. It's nothing fancy at all - it's from Temu so basically the quality that will last a short while and get thrown out, but it's the thought that counts. To me that's better than a $10,000 watch.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Got a nice surprise yesterday when my wife got me a ladies watch to wear on our cruise in November. It's nothing fancy at all - it's from Temu so basically the quality that will last a short while and get thrown out, but it's the thought that counts. To me that's better than a $10,000 watch.

That is so sweet. I have one that doesn't work anymore, but I wear it like jewelry. If I need to know the time, I look at my phone.

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Lori

You said:

That is so sweet. I have one that doesn't work anymore, but I wear it like jewelry. If I need to know the time, I look at my phone.

Cheater!!  You are supposed to look at the Sun in the sky just like me.

😂🤣

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lori Dee

[Lori Dee ✅]

Hi Lori

You said:

Cheater!!  You are supposed to look at the Sun in the sky just like me.

😂🤣

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lori Dee

I keep a wind-up analog watch in my Survival Kit for just that purpose.
😁

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Jillian

Let me start out by telling you how much I really appreciated reading your blog story.  Especially where your wife has over time come to accept you for who you really are.  From what you have said you both are really soul mates.

Now for a few thoughts on some of the things you have written about.

In terms of what your name could finally be, then I think Jillian Julie [Surname], or Julie Jillian [Surname] the other way around, could be a lovely solution to your name change dilemma.  And of course, socially you could simply be known as JJ!!

I know the feeling of acceptance as you may know my family totally accepts me unconditionally.  I left my family never telling them what I was going to do, but my uncle under pressure told my mum and as a result the cat was out of the bag.

In regards to those facial hairs.  I initially started off waxing my face and continued to do so until my face was clear and starting at the same I started thermolysis then it progressed to galvanic with 16 needles, yes that's right 16 needles.

So in your case of 200 pesky hairs left, let's say there are 320, that means 20 lots of insertions and this takes an hour to do at $100 dollars.  Then let's say five sessions total for a total of $500 dollars.  A woman of your means and persistence will have this in the bag.  You would be hair free.  Unlikely!  I still have one or two left.  After 40 years.

In traditional Chinese culture, having grey or white hair in old age is often viewed positively as a sign of wisdom, longevity and health.  I can live with that.  The funny thing is my mum had several hairs like that on her chin and watching her pluck them out was priceless.

As for that nasty message on Facebook, my first instinct would be to ban, block or ghost them.  However, it is always nice to know who you are up against.

No you are not a crossdresser, well in my eyes you are not.  I used to wear female clothing before I changed my life around and when I did, I knew or said to myself "this feels right" and yet I knew somewhat it was frowned upon in society at the time, think 1980s.

I also do not agree that cross dressing without dysphoria is generally some sort of sexual fetish.  For me it certainly was not and I know I am not alone in that.

You are also right, it's not about dressing, it has never been and never will be about dressing in the preferred clothes we like.  It's about you being you, it's about me being me and it's about others being themselves.  So in regards to the message this Facebook user posted, "mind your own business".  This is your journey and how you go about it, with your wife's input, is up to you and only you.  You do whatever makes you and your wife comfortable.

How you label yourself is up to you and I'm going to repeat myself here, how you progress on your journey is also up to you.  For a little clarity, I do not associate with the trans anything.  To me the word "trans" is like having your forehead branded with that word.  Those words were not around in my world when I changed my life around and today I simply do not relate to them.  I live in a binary world.  I'm female first and foremost.  I don't need to express my gender, it's given.

I think people can get too caught up in labels and trying to put everyone into a box.  Some people cannot take HRT, some cannot have surgery, some cannot afford the surgeries and some simply do not want either.  None of that changes how you see yourself or how you choose to live your life.  If you see yourself as female then how you live your life as a female is really up to you.

Transgender is also just a label and from my perspective, I don't like the label transgender.  If it suits you then use it.  If it does not then don't.  Nobody else should be deciding what label you have to wear.

Having exact definitions for things that are not exact has never worked very well.  Psychologists, doctors and others tend to use boxes and categories because it gives them some idea of how they think they should deal with you.  The trouble is real people don't always fit neatly into those boxes. Real life is really not that simple and never will be.

Take care and all the best for the future JJ!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Jillian-TG

[Petunia]

Julie, I just went back up to the start of this topic.

All the posts about your wife and family are so affirming and positive.

Further down some random on the internet has interferred with your thoughts.

All that matters to you is you, your gorgeous wife, the acceptance coming from her family.

You are such a lucky person to be in that position

Cherish the people around you and the rest doesn't matter.

Life is too short to dwell on negative people.