Restrooms and Partial Passing

[Aiden]

Well wasn't just your response, it's that almost every time one of us guys talks about getting a stp someone mentions that not all guys stand and pee.  Really is annoying and after several times it comes off as if they expect us to just do that no matter what we more comfortable with.

[cindybc]

All's I can say for myself is that the last five years before I began full time transitioning, I didn't even have any definite plan to transition yet, just playing around with the idea. I was already training myself to sit on the john in the men's room to pee, I never stood at the urinals after that to pee. I even began to train how to walk in a more feminine walk on the streets down town, also learning to curve my back. I also began to train my voice when at home. The thing is I peed sitting down in a cubicle in the men's room for those five years and no one bothered or noticed the difference.

Cindy

[trapthavok]

Aiden I feel ya on everything you've said bro.

I'm having quite a difficult time with this bathroom dilemma myself. Here at school I'm still a "girl" but I get the odd looks and hushed whispers when I step into a women's room. Then I present as male somewhere (like a club meeting) and I get nervous about which bathroom to use, then cower and dive into the women's room, do my business and rush out, hoping no one saw me. If I ever visited my dad at work here on campus, I'd get freaked about which bathroom to use cause most of the people in his department are men and they all know me as his "daughter." So I'd be kinda screwed if I ran into one of them in the bathroom.

At work (library) I used to pace back and forth between the two restrooms before a couple of times, I dove into the men's room and no one was in there Thankfully I work in the stacks...And so far the stacks are the ONLY place on the entire campus I've ever found a unisex bathroom. There's nowhere else here.....

So I definitely use men's rooms when out in public places (malls, restaurants) with my friends. I never get any weird looks as far as I know, because like Jay said I go into ignore mode. Here at univ though it's still confusing for me.... Maybe I'll just take Jay's inspiring advice and use the bathroom that is rightfully mine!


Also, on the note of STPs....that is EXACTLY why I got one. I got so irritated when my biomale friend said "but I sit to pee all the time." WELL GOOD FOR YOU I never had the choice. Now that I do, I'm going to use it all I want. Using my STP makes me extremely happy, sitting to pee just irritates the living hell out of me. Psychological? Maybe. I don't care. Do what you do bro.

[sneakersjay]

Using my STP makes me extremely happy, sitting to pee just irritates the living hell out of me. Psychological? Maybe. I don't care. Do what you do bro.

Me, too.  The next time I'm out in public I'm using the urinal.  It's something that I want to do, I've practiced at home and have it down.  When I was in Arizona using the men's room exclusively, I didn't bring my stp because I thought just using the men's room would be enough.  It was not.

At home I use my stp daily; I use it at work but we have single stall unisex bathrooms.  I want to use a urinal.


Jay

[Melissa]

Also, on the note of STPs....that is EXACTLY why I got one. I got so irritated when my biomale friend said "but I sit to pee all the time." WELL GOOD FOR YOU I never had the choice. Now that I do, I'm going to use it all I want. Using my STP makes me extremely happy, sitting to pee just irritates the living hell out of me. Psychological? Maybe. I don't care. Do what you do bro.

I understand ya.  That's analogous to the MTFs wearing pants vs. skirts.  We never had that option growing up, so even though many women wear pants most of the time, when I first went fulltime I wore a lot of skirts because of the deprivation of choice.  Now I wear pants most of the time, just because it's easier and I don't need to worry about shaving my legs.  Perhaps after a FTM uses a STP (stand to pee?) enough, they may go back to sitting just because it's easier.

[sneakersjay]

Perhaps after a FTM uses a STP (stand to pee?) enough, they may go back to sitting just because it's easier.

Possibly.  When I first got my stp I used it 24/7 for quite a while.  But it didn't work at 'that time' which I was still having (no more though!! YAY!!)  Anyway, I went back to sitting for several months until that issue was cleared up.  Now I'm back to the stp daily.  In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter, but the feeling I get from standing to pee is incredible.  Ego boost.  Can't explain it.  Maybe the same boost you ladies get from putting on makeup making you feel pretty and sexy.  When I stand I feel like a man. 


Jay

[Melissa]

Maybe the same boost you ladies get from putting on makeup making you feel pretty and sexy.

That's actually something I don't do often anymore.  Eyeliner is about it now, but I think that goes back to being lazy.  Either that or having no energy from the epilepsy.   I do love having the option of not having to wear makeup though.

[pennyjane]

<giggle>  i used to tell people there was a city ordinance requiring pennyjane to wear makeup whenever she left the house.....something about frightening little children.  that ordiance is no longer enforced, i only wear makeup when i'm dressing for something in particular.

i remember very early into my transition being very self-conscious in the ladies' room...i worried that i might make some kind of "give away" sound when the pee hit the fan.  i can't call myself an expert on pee sounds, but when i listened...i couldn't tell the difference between me and the gg's.  truth is....i think i sound pretty much to same now.

i think going with the situation is really the best policy...since the day of my transition, when i began presenting enfemme, i've always used the ladies' rooms.  i would never want to be seen in the men's rooms dressed as i do.....just asking for problems if you ask me.

[cindybc]

Yep same with me, when I was dressed the part I used the ladies powder room. I never had any problems with any one paying me any attention possibly mostly because of my size and height being even smaller then many women made me inconspicuous. I only use makeup during the early part of my transitioning into full time because I realy had no choice, was the only way I could cover up that ugly five o'clock shadow and even after trawling on the stuff one could still see the darker part of my face where the five o'clock shadow was, uuuuuuugh. Glad that over and I haven't used any make up since. I would still love to use the eye shadow and mascara but I'm afraid my hand is way to shaky.

Cindy 

[Jennywocky]

Though to be honest I don't think I ever paid any attention to pee sounds when in public restrooms before.  In fact, I noticed, but never really paid attention to the differences in sounds before someone pointed it out (on a trans site).  Most women are likely too busy yakking or fussing with their toddlers to pay any mind.

Lol... I noticed it!

An anatomical guy who is sitting and peeing can direct the urine stream against the side of the porcelain and not make any noise; but women can't, really, based on their anatomy. I realized a few weeks ago that when I use the bathroom, I needed to make sure I make noise.

I was terrified the first time I went out and used a woman's public bathroom. I've been fortunate enought to blend pretty well. Usually size is what gets me a second glance, if a woman has to brush by me... but that still got triggered the few times it did mostly because I was anxious and had fear in my eyes. Usually I just go in, do my thing, try not to stand around too long for people to look at me. If I have an open sink, I'll brush hair or do my lips quick; it's usually when I'm standing around idle waiting for something that I feel most conspicuous. But at this point it's the internal anxiety that probably would most get me in trouble. That seems to be what it always is, the internal insecurities. I think I haven't had any problems in the last few months, and it's because (1) confidence level is up and (2) my electrolysis has really cleaned off my face.

I'd play things by ear, if you're not sure. Sure, the unisex bathroom is the easiest bet if you can get one. Like Pennyjane said, too, it's sometimes more a matter of, "which bathroom will be MORE volatile to use?" I mean, you might not be perfectly ready for the one, but if you go in the men's room (for you transwomen) are you going to cause even MORE of a stir?

[luv2Bfem]

I have always used to women's restroom when I'm infem. I still get nervous but I haven't had a bad experience in many years. The worst is trying to get feel for how safe I might be when I need to go pee right now. I have decided that i'm better off in the women's restroom than in the men's wearing a skirt. That as always seemed very unsafe to me.

A few years ago I met a girl that liked my dressing up. Her husband didn't care so went out dressed up several times a month. While at a nice restraunt Ann asked me to go to the bathroom with her. I was more nervous doing that than any time on my own. WE sat in a stall next to each other and talked while we pee'd. What really caught me off guard was how load her pee was! I always expected a quiet girly tinkle I guess? I now try to point towards the water to sound to blend in. It sucks we have to feel so nervous and scared about a basic human fuction!!! People have no idea how many things we deal with.

[Aiden]

I've used men's one person bathrooms or ones where no one else in them.  But recently I used one that had 3 men in it.  i used a stall and I was scarred sensless.  I basicaly did my buisness and hurried out.  Thing is the silence in there was eeiry(sp) I wasn't used to being in a restroom with other people who were silent and wondered if they knew I was physically female.

[sneakersjay]

I've used men's one person bathrooms or ones where no one else in them.  But recently I used one that had 3 men in it.  i used a stall and I was scarred sensless.  I basicaly did my buisness and hurried out.  Thing is the silence in there was eeiry(sp) I wasn't used to being in a restroom with other people who were silent and wondered if they knew I was physically female.

I used a urinal today.  Doesn't quite count; as it was at my therapist's office and you can only access the bathroom with a key.  Two stalls, one urinal.  Unlikely at that hour to have any other users.  But allowed me to get familiar with the urinal.  Next time public use!!


Jay

[Goldy]

Unisex and non-gender specific bathrooms - Yeaaaaaah!!

If none of them are available and I'm forced to use a men's loo (I'll never pass as a woman) I rush in, take a cubicle and only get out to wash my hands when the bathroom is empty.

Using men's bathrooms is one of the things I hate most about be a bio-bloke.

They're usually smelly, dirty and I can't stand standing at a urinal when there's other guys in the bathroom (I nearly always sit down these days).

Another thing that cheeses me off are guys who break the unwritten codes, which is you don't talk to someone while they are peeing and you don't take the urinal next to someone if there are other urinals available.

My biggest hate about men's bathrooms is that nearly all men DON'T wash their hands after taking a wiz.

Sorry about the rant.

Oh!! One more thing, it is impossible for me to pee if I can hear someone whistling.

[Elwood]

I use the men's.
I pass... depending on the situation. I pass if a person knows my name. I never pass on the bus... people always call me a girl. I pass at school, I pass in most public places. I use the men's and usually that's enough to give someone the hint. I look like a young boy... my features are feminine enough that everyone assumes I'm gay (feminine =/= gay... but whatever).

I think going in the men's room helps me pass better. It gives me a little bit of a "male reputation."

I've never had trouble in the men's room. I even went in a skirt one time (I was in drag, it was 6 days before Halloween and I was at a Halloween party).

[milliontoone]

Aiden, the one good thing you have going for you is that if some one clocks you in a Mens restroom, the most you will usually get is grumblling, or "excuse me Ma'am, you are in the wrong restroom" For some one presenting there androgynous I doubt seriously if you will get any comments.

The reverse is true I believe in a Female restroom as all it takes is one Mother of a young girl or a woman to voice her concern that there is a man in there and you can be reasonably sure either mangement or store security will be asking you questions.

This is a very good point although it does depend on where you live.  There have been hate crimes committed against both MTFs and FTMs in public restrooms.  If you live in a very redneck area and you don't pass 100% as a guy I wouldn't really recommend using the guys restroom.

It's fine for me I live in a very cosmopolitan area although I have been challenged before with stuff like "did you know that's the mens" or "the ladies bathroom is over there" which can get annoying.

One time I actually had an usherette at a theatre run after me as I went into the mens hollering "no, no,no you can't go in there!" with something akin to horror stricken panic in her voice LMAO.......I just carried right on doin my business

It's usually petty, small minded people who maybe have boring jobs and nothing better to do than to try and interfere in other peoples lives that have challenged me, I've never encountered any prejudice from the general public when I have been using the mens room but I do tend to just go in do my thing and then come straight out.
After washing my hands like a good boy of course...

[fwagodess]

This is has got to be the one shared topic that is almost the same for M->F and F->M.

I always try to find the unisex bathroom, and I keep a list of them for the places I go to or have been at....even if I'm out on the town, I always watch for them, for future reference. 

Although it seems that the bathroom passing issue tends to be mostly in our head, it only takes one bad incident or a few "weird" looks or comments, before you are totally second guessing which one to use.

I must agree with Tina B here,

When I have to use the restroom, I simply don't go to the men's nor women's restroom. I must use the unisex, if one's available.

Other times, since a majority of the townspeople know me as a woman, I usually use the women's restroom (and hope there's no one else in there.)

I did get caught at one point, and after that--never went to that store's restroom again. But I belive that will change when I have legally changed genders.

Using men's bathrooms is one of the things I hate most about be a bio-bloke.

The last time I used the men's room was the summer of 2003. After that I stopped using the urinal, and always sit to urinate.

[benji42]

This was one of the first things I wondered about, since I am nothing if not practical. Two reasons: my boobs are still a little too obvious, no matter how masculine my clothing, and the issue with tampon changing since it will probably be a while before I can start testosterone. I'm thinking that might limit me to the women's bathrooms, at least for now. Argh, it's so annoying and inconvenient to be female.

[Ashley315]

Never had a problem or a funny look.

[Aiden]

Well so far I either use gender neutral, wait till get home, or use womens.  Though soon I may be passing well enough that using womens may not be plausable.   I also have the issue with the moobs being large enough to notice, the fact am a bit heavy helps hide it though would like to be able to loose weight.