How the Heck Can I Even Achieve RLE ?

[A]

I've been reading, and here's what I found :

-Here, to get a legal name (yeah they even block female names : o) and gender change, one must have undergone SRS. So far, no biggie.

-Here, to get SRS, one must have lived as the chosen gender for 1 year, full time.

See the bug ?

Let me point it out - They're basically telling me to go to school and work as a girl and deal with bank stuff and government stuff and everything as a girl... While retaining the Gender : M mention and a male name ! What the heck ? How do I get through this ?

[Colleen Ireland]

Hey, A.  I'm in Ontario, I see you're in Quebec.  Both of us are in Canada (for les autres, qui ne sais pas).  Are you SURE SRS is required for legal NAME change?  I rather doubt it, but in the meantime, I'm in an 11-week workshop at the Sherbourne in Toronto called Gender Journeys, and we'll be learning about this stuff exactly (and how to go about it) in a few weeks' time.  Check out my blog ("Believe in the Rainbow") - I'm posting about the workshop.  So when I know, you'll know...

[Janet_Girl]

I am not from Canada, but it was not that hard to.  I got my name changed, gender changed on the driver's license (  inOregon we can do that with a letter from our therapist ) and just started living.

[A]

Yes, from the site of the governmental thingie, legal name change to a female name requires SRS. One of the few concrete infos I could get.

[lilacwoman]

A you just start doing it today and before you know it you will have completed it.  Go to it. Or stay in the closet?

[V M]

Being a girl doesn't mean putting on some act. Nor does it mean you have to wear make up and a dress everyday

How many girls do you know that go out of their way to prove that they're a girl?

I just go about my business as I normally would and don't worry about it... I'm a girl and feel happy and confident in that

How many days have you woken up and didn't have to deal with real life experiences in this existence?

But I understand, you have to prove it to someone else who is judging you and they do their best to make it near impossible

I live in a rather difficult area also... Even if I'm seen, accepted and treated like a woman and have my name changed and have srs and the whole bit... I can NEVER get my gender marker changed unless I move to another state

How messed up is that?

[KYLYKaHYT]

I don't know how it works in Canada, but it is my understanding that in the U.S. getting the gender marker changed (on your birth certificate anyways) depends on which state you were born in, not which state you happen to currently reside in.


Here's a couple of  links with more information that might be helpful:

Legal Name Change Project:  http://www.tsroadmap.com/reality/name-change.html 

Transgender Legal Name Change by Jurisdiction:  http://www.tsroadmap.com/reality/transgender-name-change.html


~Shannon

[Fencesitter]

-Here, to get a legal name (yeah they even block female names : o) and gender change, one must have undergone SRS. So far, no biggie.

-Here, to get SRS, one must have lived as the chosen gender for 1 year, full time.

See the bug ?

We have a similar stupid bug here in Germany:

- To get a name change, you need two therapists' letters which tell that you're transsexual and that this probably will never change. (For gender marker change, SRS is needed, but with a name change, you can get most of your official stuff gendered correctly and can request that your "old" official gender is hidden away from most documents.)

- Therapists usually request 12 months RLE full-time, and often, going to see them for a year before they diagnose you as transsexual needing a name change, and before they agree that this will probably never change.

I have bureaucratic problems mainly unrelated to the German bug, I got refused a name change the German way and have to go by one of my other countries, which has a worse bug than Germany - 3 years of collecting as many official documents and correspondence on my new name as I can, which is partially impossible without a name change, and then praying that my country will accept the name change nevertheless. I've been on Testo since three years ago and still have my old name stuck to me.

So here is how I try to do the RLE with my old name.

- I tried to have and keep a job where I had to apply with my documents on the old name. My application letter was with the new name, and there I told that I'm transsexual. I even got a job, but felt very awkward there for various reasons, being out as a transsexual was one of them, and so it did not work.
- I live as a freelancer, write my own bills with my new name and in these bills, I ask my clients to wire the money to the bank account of "old name". Most of my clients do not know that I have not been born a man, which is awesome.
- I did not out myself as a transsexual on my old jobs before and just quit the jobs after 1 year on testosterone.
- I don't tell new acquaintances that I'm FTM, and never show them my documents.
- I don't join any organizations or clubs where they want to see my ID card to become a member.
- I don't get member cards of libraries, fitness studios, political parties etc. so there's lots of leisure activities which I just don't do.
- I don't go to any 18+ social events where people might ask me for my ID card as I look like a teenager.
- I can't get my cigarettes everywhere for the same reasons, but it helps me to prove I'm adult by pointing at the few grey hairs I have.
- I had to show my ID card to rent my new flat and said I have problems with my name and gender marker but will have a name change soon, landlord doesn't know if I'm a guy or a girl, asked my neighbors (good long-term friends who know about me), they told him I'm male. He chats with me but never says "Mr. XY" or "Mrs. XY".
- I even never carry my ID card with me as I'm ashamed of it, though you risk trouble with the police and fees if you don't carry it with you as that's illegal in Germany. Never got any trouble yet though.
- I use the new name wherever no ID card is needed. This sometimes works for phone companies etc.
- However, when I have to out myself to bureaucrats, usually people are cool about me being transsexual or at least don't treat me bad. Only problem is they have trouble believing I'm the person pictured on my ID card.

Basically, I have a few of the problems which illegal immigrants have as well, and a RLE life without name change is a bit awkward for these reasons. Thanks to September 11, it got worse as you have to show your ID card on many more occasions now than you had to before.

[lilacwoman]

Hi Fencesitter,

Have a good read through this and see if there are any ways forward or anything a lawyer can do to help you along.

https://wcd.coe.int/ViewDoc.jsp?id=1476365   section 3 is good.

Uk politicians keep talking of ID cards for us but we say NO, esepcially as like all Government things they woudl be seriously expensive and impossible to keep uptodate and be just another revenue stream for all the crooks and swindlers. 

[Renate]

My understanding is that there are countries (like the US, due to the Civil War and the 14th Amendment)
where your name is your right. You can change your name to "Betty Sue" or "Butch" just because you like it.

Then there are countries (or regions) which draw heavily on the Napoleonic code.
In these case a name must be "suitable" (as judged by the authorities).
This also means having a gender-appropriate name according to your legal gender.
Germany, France and the special case of Quebec belongs to this group, I believe.

[Hurtfulsplash]

As long as I'm living in my gender role I'm not worried that my ID displays a female name or gender. If someone asks me, I'll tell them it's none of their business. When the time is right I'll get all my ID changed at once.

[A]

Sigh, doesn't help me much... I wish I could just ask some local TS. Hopefully the psychiatrist knows something, 'cause I'm just NOT going to go out and say "yo, I'm TS, hire me". Gays, blacks, effeminates and other minorities have trouble getting employed (but no employer will ever admit the true motive for refusal) in my region of white French lumberjacks. I already have serious trouble being hired due to my lack of abilities to convince and my being into the "effeminate" group. I'm positive 99% employers here would either say I'm a swindler, either just find a vague reason not to hire me...

[Colleen Ireland]

... in my region of white French lumberjacks. I already have serious trouble being hired due to my lack of abilities to convince and my being into the "effeminate" group...

Anything in particular holding you there?  Why not move somewhere else?  Montreal, perhaps?  There are GREAT resources there, I'm sure, and I bet employment would be easier to come by as well...

[A]

The bigger the city, the more expensive the rent is. But I'll admit jobs are a lot easier to find, TG or not.

But my main reasons are : I don't like big cities : the pollution chokes me, the noise stresses me, the English annoys me (no harm meant, but it irritates me to be greeted in English in a freaking French province's store) and it's impossible not to get lost (I still get lost all the time in my hometown with a 60 000 people population, of all places). Also, despite having just moved out, I'm still pretty dependent on my mom. And I've just found a co-tenant I came out to and who understands - that's priceless.

But I'm still planning to move there (or at Québec, whichever fits best study-wise) in 1-3 years : it'll be safer for stealth.

[Muffin]

Maybe try and be flexible and choose a unisex name for the duration of your transition, I don't have to worry about this in australia but I did it for personally reasons as I know that during transition I will be taken as both male and female by different people so it makes sense. I am considering changing my name again in the future so that my previous name is not a male name but a unisex name... makes sense.. and could be a good consideration.

[kyril]

I'm not sure that there are any unisex names in the Quebecois French naming traditions (correct me if I'm wrong). And it's extremely unusual for a Quebec native to have a name that's not historically used there; French cultures in general are very conservative about naming, and Quebec attaches a particular importance to cultural heritage and linguistic integrity for obvious reasons.

What I could suggest, though, is to change your name to one that's very similar to its feminine form - you could be legally Michel, for instance, but pronounce it "Michelle" when you introduce yourself and spell it "Michelle" on documents that don't need to bear your exact legal name. It wouldn't work for official purposes but it could at least give you a chance of passing at a job where your employer and boss know your male name.

[Fencesitter]

A just told name change is not feasable in Québec until SRS is over, so name change suggestions don't help much here. In case A were wrong and at least, a change to neutral names were feasable, there are a couple of French names which are neutral and very usual in France and Switzerland, they might also be usual in Québec or at least not unheard of. Dominique, Claude, etc., see here for a comprehensive list of France's neutral names: http://syndromedebenjamin.free.fr/juridique/etatcivil/cprenom/prenomsmixtes.htm

A, I can't even suggest you to move to France as France is one of the worst countries for transition in Europe. Switzerland also sucks depending on the Canton where you go. Maybe Belgium or Luxemburg might be an option.

Maybe you can find a job where you work from home, online, and use a female or mixed name there. If you are good at translating, people who translate into French are very valued as they're difficult to find. Moreover, most French(wo)men younger than age 50 suck at orthography, they are really horrifyingly bad at it, even if they have good general education. If you ever read something in French in a forum which is well-written, it's usually from Maghreb people (Morocco, Tunesia, Algeria). Don't know about French Canadians' orthographic qualities though.

A, your English is very good, so your French might be great. It's difficult to find your first translating agency if you're not a professional translator yet, but it may work. You might find a European (British, Irish) agency for which you can work, only thing you'd have to learn then are the peculiarities of the "French" French in contrast to Canadian French, but that's fast to learn. If you want more details on that option, don't hesitate to PM me, I'm a professional translator (German-French).

@lilacwoman
Thank you very much for your link. I'm getting close to the end of the 3-year-tunnel, so I might get a half-decent name change soon, and I can use this information very well to deal with the bureaucrats of my Canton.

[lilacwoman]

Hi Fencesitter.  The Schlumpf v Switzerland verdict in ECHR should be used by more TS to  get faster treatment.

http://sim.law.uu.nl/SIM/CaseLaw/hof.nsf/1d4d0dd240bfee7ec12568490035df05/1b52d41d1efa5cafc1257540004b324a?OpenDocument

[JennX]

I've been reading, and here's what I found :

-Here, to get a legal name (yeah they even block female names : o) and gender change, one must have undergone SRS. So far, no biggie.

-Here, to get SRS, one must have lived as the chosen gender for 1 year, full time.

See the bug ?

Let me point it out - They're basically telling me to go to school and work as a girl and deal with bank stuff and government stuff and everything as a girl... While retaining the Gender : M mention and a male name ! What the heck ? How do I get through this ?

The rules are pretty much identical here in the USA where I live. You need to have SRS in-order to have the gender marker on your license changed... except you can change your name w/o SRS.

I've done neither, and for the last 3 years I have lived, worked, shopped, pretty much everything 24/7 while presenting as a female. I kept my same job before and after coming out, and pretty near all my friends. It's not the easiest thing to do, but it's something that just has to be done at some point. Basically at some point, you just have to do it. It no longer is an option. My license still has my old male "M" marker and pic although it looks almost nothing like me anymore. It honestly hasn't been as bad or as hard as I had thought it would be. I will say a few key things will honestly determine whether or not this is something you will have little or a lot of issues coping with:

1. Do you "pass"? I personally hate the phrase, but if you're 6'5" 300 pound hairy guy, don't expect to put on a dress one day and expect no one to notice.
2. Do your homework. Clothes, makeup, manners, mannerisms all take time to learn. This won't happen overnight either.
3. If you're not sure how your employer will react, try to get a reading from them ahead of time before popping the news.
4. Most people care less about the gender on your ID matching your physical presentation. So unless you're having complete FFS, don't sweat it. Really.
5. Use common sense. Don't put yourself in dangerous situations and always maintain a steady source of income. This process is very expensive.

If you're looking for work, you might apply as a male and wait a few weeks after getting the job to come out depending. I had the same job before and after, so I haven't dealt with that personally.

But basically it all comes down to how long you go and how much you can deal with. At one point, I just knew I couldn't get up, get dressed as a guy and have to deal with everything that along with it: work, friends, family, relationships etc. That was it for me. Your decision process may be different, but we all will eventually reach that jumping point sooner or later.

[kaitlynm999]

I understand you view it as a bug, but as posters have said, the answer is to blow through it..

You start living the life, and your ID says whatever it says...some states in the US and some countries have better rules than others...you may h ave to consider relocating..

this is just the reality..

i lived as a woman for well over a year even though i had a male id...it sucked...bad things happened to me because of it...but i got through it..and now i have my srs, my id, and i'm alive...

the answer to your question is that yes...i see the bug,

the solution to your problem is put your head down and move forward in the direction you want to go...

learn from others that have done it,..and copy what they did within your own means and in your own time..

the fact that "they" don't make it easy on "us" is a sad fact of life for most transsexuals all over the world.