Acting Female

[Tori]

I agree Asfsd,

Neither you nor Stephe is going to win in the other's eyes without changing your opinion 180 degrees, and you both are pushing each other's buttons.

You are both right. You are both wrong. You are both pretty.

[Cadence Jean]

Um, I might be late to the game on this one, but I wanted to throw in my two cents: I just act like me.  That means that I do the things that I do that fall into the male stereotype and the things that fall into the female stereotype.  They're just me being myself.  My mom is a tom-boy.  My step-mom is a girlie girl.  I've known genetic girls who have been more masculine than me, and genetic men who are more femme than me.  I think what finally made me realize that I should just do what feels natural, regardless of my presentation, is when my gf (at the time) told me, "I gotta drain the lizard."  No one would question that she's a woman(she's cisgen).  Why should they treat me any diff?  I mean, she's not under a microscope as much as I am, since I'm trans, but at the same time, I don't want to suppress a different part of myself for other people.  I've already been doing that for years - I'm done with that ->-bleeped-<-.  I want to be me, whatever amalgamation of masculine and feminine characteristics that is.

[Tori]

Being yourself is admirable.

As this thread has progressed I've learned a lot.

Forgive me if I change my thesis from time to time, it is because I am assimilating and learning.

I think being your female self differs from being your male self. Both are honest. Both are different.

If I made you act like the man you were, would you honestly act the same way you do now?

Thank you for your input. It means a lot to me.

[Stephe]

If you want to behave like a parody of women because you, apparently, have believed you have passed for the past "several" (i.e. more than 2) years out of the past "over a decade" (i.e. more then 10), then that's your right to do so. It's my right to believe what I believe too as much as that might distress you.

Sorry but your personal insults don't distress me.

What you're posting here is beyond "personal" opinion. It's turned nasty, negative and personal.

[Tori]

Yes it has. So kindly both, take it to PM... or at the very least, keep it out of this thread.

I am not a babysitter... or at least, I don't do it for free.

Stephe, I agree with your points. Asfsd does not understand what DECADES of being male can do to the psyche. But how can she?

Kindly, let bygones be bygones in this thread.

You feel personally attacked by a moderator. I understand completely.

But let her be. There are bigger fish to fry.

[Asfsd4214]

Yes it has. So kindly both, take it to PM... or at the very least, keep it out of this thread.

I am not a babysitter... or at least, I don't do it for free.

Stephe, I agree with your points. Asfsd does not understand what DECADES of being male can do to the psyche. But how can she?

Kindly, let bygones be bygones in this thread.

You feel personally attacked by a moderator. I understand completely.

But let her be. There are bigger fish to fry.

I'm a moderator? I was pretty sure I was bordering on being banned these days, lol. 

You're right, this discussion between her and me has long ceased to be constructive, I won't pursue it with her further.

[V M]

I was afraid such a thread might possibly take an ugly turn, that's why I stopped participating    I would however suggest that everyone keep a bit more civil tone before a Mod decides to get involved    Much more fussing about and I guaranty this topic will be locked

Take a break, find something more constructive to do with yourselves 

[Tori]

I was afraid such a thread might possibly take an ugly turn, that's why I stopped participating    I would however suggest that everyone keep a bit more civil tone before a Mod decides to get involved    Much more fussing about and I guaranty this topic will be locked

Take a break, find something more constructive to do with yourselves 

Thank you V M.

[Tori]

Where have you been all your life? What happens if, as a man, you act in an unmanly way around other men? Men enforce their rules too - "Take it like a man", or "real men don't cry", or "Stop acting like a bl**dy woman", etc, etc.


All the world's a stage....

Bev

Well, I have never been a part of the other club. I learned from males (and what do they know?). I have never been welcomed in the VIP (Very Important Princess) Room.

You make sense. It is just paradigm changing.

I am an only child. My grade school class averaged 3-4 females per year. I was not inundated by females until after puberty and by then, I was NOT part of the club.

Thanks Beverley,
Tori

[Cadence Jean]

To answer your question...I would be suppressing more of myself.  There were things that I wouldn't do or say as a male - and the funny thing is, they tend to be the more offensive stuff.  I have no prob grabbing a girl's ass(a friend, not a stranger) as a joke now, but before, I was afraid of being perceived of as "that guy."  I'm not "that guy" - I'm "that girl."   I didn't have tats or piercings - I never wanted guy ones.  I have two tats, with two more on the way, and three piercings now(one being my navel).  I guess for me, transitioning doesn't feel so much like I'm killing the old me - I'm adding on to the old me.  Like I've heard a lot of transgirls say, "::insert previous guy name:: acted like this."  I don't say that - I'll say, when I was on T, or when I was a guy - something like that.  That feels more right in my case.  YMMV.

Being yourself is admirable.

As this thread has progressed I've learned a lot.

Forgive me if I change my thesis from time to time, it is because I am assimilating and learning.

I think being your female self differs from being your male self. Both are honest. Both are different.

If I made you act like the man you were, would you honestly act the same way you do now?

Thank you for your input. It means a lot to me.

[Tori]

Thank you for your replies.

I have a kind of embarrassing and exciting post to make. 

My fiancé took me panty shopping today. OMG! How uncomfortable! I would have died without her.

There I was, my fiancé looking through racks for me (I was afraid to be seen getting my man germs on somebody else's potential skivvies), watching as she looked. I was completely afraid to offer my opinion. Eventually, when nobody else was around, I suggested something simple and utilitarian (Ha! Just like a guy!). Much of what I saw was just too girly. It would remind me of what I am, not who I wanted to be. Finally, she showed me a pair, just as a ciswoman started to browse the same isle (eek!). I said, "OK, let's go!" (just like a typical man). 

We got in line, and finally, to the register. My gal handled the transaction. After the panties were purchased, I wanted to carry the bag, but then I thought that may be deemed weird. So, I waited for my fiancé to take the bag, and we walked out together.

I certainly was not acting like myself in the store.

But hey, I went panty shopping today! I survived!

It was a huge step... even though I did not feel free to act like myself (mental hang ups). Ciswomen would not have the difficulties I had today.

[V M]

But hey, I went panty shopping today! I survived!

Congrats on surviving the pantie purchase    It is a big step though

I remember when I started buying my own undies, I was so very nervous and would find myself making up various lame excuses as to why I was buying women's underwear    After awhile I started to notice that the checkers and clerks didn't really give a snick and were often happy to help

Now that I know my size I generally buy online anymore, mainly for the convenience    Mostly I just get basic everyday wear stuff, but I have gotten a few cheeky fancies

Just wait til she takes you to Victoria's Secret for a bra fitting 

[Tori]

Y'all are very brave.

I think I will wait a bit before my bra fitting. Before I measure my ladies, I want some ladies to measure.

It is amazing how WE can be our biggest obstacles... even when we do things we've long dreamed of doing.

*Blush... I may be a little self-transphobic.

[Tori]

Dearest Beverley,

I can see it getting easier.

You better believe I was not in character. I don't even have a costume yet!

You can't play the part without the items you need.

Moving slowly, but moving in the right direction,
Tori

[pretty]

Why panties? You could just start with buying some normal clothes, it might be less embarrassing... It's not like anyone is gonna see your underwear lol 

[Tori]

Why panties? You could just start with buying some normal clothes, it might be less embarrassing... It's not like anyone is gonna see your underwear lol 

I will.

Panties are a personal thing. My fiancé made a huge gesture in helping me shop for them.

It is a small psychological step in the right direction for both of us.

@ Beverley

I wish...

I live on a tropical island and I work in the sun. Body hair serves a purpose. It helps me present as male, and it protects my skin by offering a modicum of shade.

It is so warm here, even in Winter, that I don't have the option of covering up. My unform is a male swim suit and a shirt.

Best to wait for a medical diagnosis before publicly playing the part. Without said diagnosis, 'odd' behavior on the job (waxing all my body hair) could send mixed signals. I want to stay below the radar until I have the protection a diagnosis can provide.

In America, job = insurance. Insurance = hormones.

[michelle]

I can remember when I first started buying my feminine clothing, I was very self conscious about it.   Now I feel very comfortable buying bras and panties and feel very uncomfortable in the men's section.   It takes time and for me its been 13 years to accept to that I am female and bras and panties are my normal clothing and since I cannot control what other's think.   Who cares?   I must foot note that I am 65 and with each day being who I am is more important because at 65 even if I live another 30 years I am at death's door.   I have also learned over time that the other's in my life wish only to be themselves and yet they want to deny my right to do so.   I am a transgender female and there is nothing wrong with that.   There is no supernatural committee denying my right to be female only ignorant individuals who need to mind their own business.

I know this attitude is the advantage of being older and having paid my dues.   But give yourselves time transgender woman, you to will arrive at this attitude it took me at least 64 years to do so.

[Tori]

Michelle,

You are a sweetheart! Thank you so much for your input.

I am a fan of actor training. It teaches you to be YOU.

If you don't know yourself, how can you play anyone else?

I know who I am... and my brain is on the wrong hormones.

I am a woman.

Do I need to act like a woman? I dunno. I may be fine being my male self on the outside and my female self inside... but somehow I doubt that.

But this is not a race either. I will not kill myself just because I may not pass tomorrow. In fact, the very decision to transition has cured my dysphoria for the last few weeks. Moving TOWARDS femininity and BEING female is good medicine. Then therapy (Very soon!). HRT will come later. HRT will likely he good medicine too. Then presenting. Then passing.

This is NOT a race, it is a progression.

Every girl grows up,
Tori

[michelle]

As usual, I wake up in the morning and find that my thinking has been backwards all these years.   Since I was very little I was a female trying to act like I was male because I was trying to please others because they believed that I was male just because my body was.    I tried and tried to be male and get their approval.   But really I was like any child a child in motion and loved the outdoors and  not wanting to displease anyone did coming from a family know for thinking about life did not really come into conflict with their image of me until puberty set in.   My father was on his death bed and I desperately wanted to be female and started to fantasies about all of the ways my body could become female without really knowing what that meant physically.

To make my point at 65 I am realizing that I no longer care or about maintaining that fiction about me in any sense being male and my acting career as a male has been over for a long time and now I have to be my female self no matter how it displeases people and it doesn't matter to me what kind of a female people think I am.    I can't control their thinking.   I have to let my femaleness come out and refuse to let people put me in a male box.    I have really been trying to pass as a male and I have been a failure.   If people want to think that I am just a very effeminate male then so be it as long as I am placed in the female category where I belong what difference does it make.    If God and life bring hormones and surgery my way I will embrace them happily, but for the time I have left it doesn't matter because in old age I have to be my effeminate self and that femaleness will mask to some degree all of my male physical features.

Its like the guy on Dancing with the Stars who had part of his face and body burned while in the military on the battle ground.   His personally shined through so much it was impossible to notice his scars.   He did so much to change all of us.   I have to be like him and just let my femaleness shine through and let the bigots be bigots.   

I must also admit that I have never had therapy for being transgender, but I have tried it for depression and anger management but some how the therapists always seemed to make it about something else. 

My anger management became about my ex's feelings because I let her in hoping her insight would help me but my therapy became about my ex's feelings and what ever was troubling me was forgotten.

  And lately here my therapy lately about depression and anxiety just me talking with the therapist without her asking me anything.   Then she said i was ok and come again to the same thing over and over.   Do I need this?  No.

By nature I am not suicidal even through being suicidal runs in my family.   With my religious views I don't see the point of suicide.  When you die you just move on to another world of God and have to deal with that existence in the same mixed up state you left this one.   So the only choice for me is life here now until my time is up and life in the next world in some spiritual state or other. 

And I have seen in my family where anger and resentment is deadly and do not wish to end in that state so my goal is to be happy.    Again if counselling happens for me in a way that really helps me deal and understand I will accept it, but I don't need anyone's seal of approval because I am female rather the approve or not and that's just my life.

I know in therapy I need to provide my own insight with guidance, but I do not need is to talk for an hour aimlessly and be told I am ok.   Come again.   I am not afraid of myself or afraid of life nor am I aware of any deep dark areas of psychosis in the far reaches of my mind.   I am just emotionally tired from years of dealing with the emotions and rationalizations of children having taught for over thirty years and still being involved in raising teenagers I consider my own and my own eight year old son.   But that's just life and there is no pill to give children that will make them live a rational life these days.   So I just deal, because life sometimes is like walking through a Dakota blizzard,  you just rap up warm covering all of your body and walk straight to safety because if you ever stop you are dead.   Growing up in the Dakotas this has become a habit and second nature for me.   So God if I need therapy please send me one that is really helpful and not just there to listen, nod their head, and say Sounds good, come again if you need to.

[Tori]

I have been testing some of the theories people have offered in this thread and have been getting mixed results.

I have been visiting various online chat groups. The more feminine I act, the better I am treated and the better I treat others. When I act like myself (which is not exactly the same), I feel liberated, strong, and dare I say euphoric. It is rather intoxicating because I am not used to feeling that way. Ironically, I have a great deal of trouble fitting into the online TS community when I act this way (Bull dyke in a china shop). I see why I don't fit in. I also see the community subtly nudging me to act more female... because I am quite overbearing when I act like myself.