Being a transsexual in 2012...

[Elena G]

So, I just booked an appointment with my doctor and I hope to begin therapy this month if not the next. I'm nervous, excited, but most of all, I'm clueless. Right now I'm beginning to wonder how did I not do this before, and pondering what can or will happen in the next 3 years after I begin treatment (it's my kind of time frame to become 'complete', so to speak). Cause being a transexual in 2012 doesn't look very promising in a way. It's true that acceptance has become more apparent, and medical procedures are improving, but in these times of crisis of many kinds the one thing that hinders our progress the most is money, I believe.

The difficulties that affect everyone on a daily basis sometimes take a dramatic turn when one person is transexual (I know there are other 'groups' of people that have it worse, but I'm focusing on us now). Medical bills, unemployment, health issues and rejection are something that have been crossing my mind big time lately. As finding and keeping a job seems to be a three-ring-circus trick and many young people have more and more trouble getting out of their parents' house, I wonder how I'm gonna be able to work it out at all. I'm lucky to have some resources and I probably have a better future ahead than I believe, but I can't help but think that, in some ways, transition might turn out to be for the worse than otherwise. How to fight against fate when you need to do something for all the good reasons, something than benefits not only you but others too? How do you girls cope with daily crap as well as long term poopie? Does it 'break even' at the end of the day, all things considered?

Love,
E.

[auburnAubrey]

So, I just booked an appointment with my doctor and I hope to begin therapy this month if not the next. I'm nervous, excited, but most of all, I'm clueless. Right now I'm beginning to wonder how did I not do this before, and pondering what can or will happen in the next 3 years after I begin treatment (it's my kind of time frame to become 'complete', so to speak). Cause being a transexual in 2012 doesn't look very promising in a way. It's true that acceptance has become more apparent, and medical procedures are improving, but in these times of crisis of many kinds the one thing that hinders our progress the most is money, I believe.

The difficulties that affect everyone on a daily basis sometimes take a dramatic turn when one person is transexual (I know there are other 'groups' of people that have it worse, but I'm focusing on us now). Medical bills, unemployment, health issues and rejection are something that have been crossing my mind big time lately. As finding and keeping a job seems to be a three-ring-circus trick and many young people have more and more trouble getting out of their parents' house, I wonder how I'm gonna be able to work it out at all. I'm lucky to have some resources and I probably have a better future ahead than I believe, but I can't help but think that, in some ways, transition might turn out to be for the worse than otherwise. How to fight against fate when you need to do something for all the good reasons, something than benefits not only you but others too? How do you girls cope with daily crap as well as long term poopie? Does it 'break even' at the end of the day, all things considered?

Love,
E.

There are good days, and bad days... great days, and horrible days... but I think looking back on it, it was the same in my male self.  And now, just two days after I had a meltdown, I have awoken with such a strange sense of peace, and I know it will be ok.

I am lucky in the respect that my job is still here, my friends and family are still here, and through a business venture that was miserable psychologically, it did bring in just enough money to take care of my FFS, and pretty much the BA and SRS when I get to that point.  With that said, money in itself, is not the biggest obstacle.

honey, you are at your starting point.  Enjoy it, but take it day by day.  Don't look at the "entirety" of it, because that creates stress.  Talk with your therapist, and be open.  Take that first dose of hormones, and know it is just one step closer to your goal.  Utilize your resources.  If you live at home, utilize that.... know that that will help you reach your goal.  I don't know how old you are, but you seem to have plenty of time to form whatever life you want to lead.  Embrace that. 

And just focus on the thought that you are doing what you need to be doing, and somehow, the rest will come.  And be happy in the moment you are in now.

I'll leave off with this, that I continue to tell myself right now as I am passing through another obstacle.  "It is a waste of time and pleasure to let your fears about the eventual destination overwhelm the joys of the journey."

Good luck on your path!

XO

[GhostTown11]

+1 with auburn. Try to focus on the little things as accomplishments like therapy, getting your letter, hair removal if applicable, expanding your female wardrobe and so on. If I looked at the big picture I would melt but by focusing on little victories it builds up my self-esteem. Cheesy, I know, but so true.

[Brooke777]

There are good days, and bad days... great days, and horrible days... but I think looking back on it, it was the same in my male self.  And now, just two days after I had a meltdown, I have awoken with such a strange sense of peace, and I know it will be ok.

I am lucky in the respect that my job is still here, my friends and family are still here, and through a business venture that was miserable psychologically, it did bring in just enough money to take care of my FFS, and pretty much the BA and SRS when I get to that point.  With that said, money in itself, is not the biggest obstacle.

honey, you are at your starting point.  Enjoy it, but take it day by day.  Don't look at the "entirety" of it, because that creates stress.  Talk with your therapist, and be open.  Take that first dose of hormones, and know it is just one step closer to your goal.  Utilize your resources.  If you live at home, utilize that.... know that that will help you reach your goal.  I don't know how old you are, but you seem to have plenty of time to form whatever life you want to lead.  Embrace that. 

And just focus on the thought that you are doing what you need to be doing, and somehow, the rest will come.  And be happy in the moment you are in now.

I'll leave off with this, that I continue to tell myself right now as I am passing through another obstacle.  "It is a waste of time and pleasure to let your fears about the eventual destination overwhelm the joys of the journey."

Good luck on your path!

XO

I completely agree with Aubrey.

[JoanneB]

+1 for Aubrey.

Yes indeed a meltdown (or two) while traumatic seems to get you over tremendous humps and empowers you. You faced the beast and you won 

Just remember that timetables and to-do lists are just suggestions and are fluid. What makes sense today may not in several months time. As my wife says; "You are going to go where your heart takes you". So very true. People grow and change, especially as you go through transitioning. You cannot expect all your plans to remain static either.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

It is better now than it was in the 80s.  There are more laws now that can protect us.  And there is always ENDA.  If passed it will be a great boost.

[Elena G]

WOW, you all said what I needed to hear. Great advice. Like really, I felt much better and focused after reading it. Thanks girls, much appreciated!

[Elainagirl59]

"It is a waste of time and pleasure to let your fears about the eventual destination overwhelm the joys of the journey."

Thank you for this powerful statement.  It's so very true, and yet so easy to fall into.

This will be posted on my mirror!

Elaina

[Michelle G]

2012 is my "new beginning" year...after all these past years of "someday its my turn" I finally took a deep breath and jumped in with both feet, My wife Marybeth took it all ok for the most part but she is very sad to think she lost the guy she fell for...but slowly she is seeing its the same "me" just like I said it would be...just in a different wrapper, she sees how happy I am when I can outwardly express my "girlness" and she is even correcting my fashion statements by helping out with tips and some of her clothes.

All has been fine, but I think I pushed her "comfort level" to far last night! She has been fine with the assorted skirts and tops I have, the toenail polish she is ok with, the hair getting longer is fine as well....but when I tried on and modeled for her a new sundress dress I just bought, she got real quite and made an icky face, it is very form fitting and shows off my long legs, thin waist and overall shape, she said OMG, you are a girl!!!!! it just hit her how that dress changes how she sees me...I went and changed to shorts and tshirt and we had a long talk and she was able to work thru some things she is still getting used to.

Sometimes I think its harder for her than me at this point....but it will be near disaster at best when I figure out what to do with the business I own, that's another day.

[Miharu Barbie]

Hi Elena,

I'm new around here, but your post touched my heart.  I've been transitioned a fairly long time, and I've learned a few things over the years.  I don't know if you've heard much of the global conversation about Law of Attraction, or how you feel about such woo-woo notions, but I can tell you this: I have gathered a fair amount of proof in my own personal experience to substantiate many of the claims about Law of Attraction (LOA).  In a nut shell LOA says this: think thoughts that feel good when you think them and life will present you with more and more reasons to think thoughts that feel good when you think them.  Think thoughts that feel off, feel frightening, feel stressful when you think them, and life will surely put more reasons (events, people, circumstances) in your life to make you think thoughts that feel bad when you think them. 

Seriously, in practical terms, what it really boils down to is that it is always best to focus on everything and anything in life that is positive and that feels good.  That's it.  One way that I do this in a deliberate way is to write a list of things that I feel grateful for every single day.  My spouse does the same, and then we swap lists.  This simple act of deliberately taking just a few minutes everyday to focus on everything in my life that I have to feel grateful for has changed my life in huge, huge ways.  My spouse and I have been doing this daily exercise for 5 years now.  It's huge!  Whether focusing on all that's good and all that's right in your life makes work, money or transition any easier or not, taking time to deliberately acknowledge the good stuff will make your life more enjoyable.  And in my experience, focusing on all that's positive and right really does make things easier... for real!

If at all possible, I recommend finding a gratitude buddy and sharing lists with each other.  My partner and I hold each other accountable, especially on the difficult, stressful days, to take time to honor all that's good right here, right now. 

Anyway, that's my take on the subject.  I hope it helps a little bit.

Peace,
Miharu

[auburnAubrey]

"It is a waste of time and pleasure to let your fears about the eventual destination overwhelm the joys of the journey."

Thank you for this powerful statement.  It's so very true, and yet so easy to fall into.

You're quite welcome!

it just hit her how that dress changes how she sees me

Dresses can have that effect... I find that I'm still very much more confident in cute jeans (or shorts) and a t-shirt...  Although I love skirts and dresses, I have less confidence while wearing them...  so feminine...  I can see her reacting.  It's becoming real at that point.

but it will be near disaster at best when I figure out what to do with the business I own, that's another day.

Look at the bright side, your boss won't fire you!! 

[Elena G]

Thanks Miharu for the kind words.

Well, just finished writing my 'coming-out' letter to my family. Haven't cried so much in years. Or maybe not. I was thinking of doing this asap but I'm hesitating. My aunt is inviting us to have lunch on the 24th cause it's her birthday. She's also a religious zealot like you couldn't believe, but she's always kind to me. What should I do? Maybe I can tell my family to keep it private for a while, but they usually have a hard time keeping their mouths shut, and with Gay Pride coming in two weeks I figure they won't be able to. Sheesh, what a bummer...

[Nov413]

I feel like it might be better to hold off in terms of family gatherings, especially is she's overly religious.
The last thing you want is for you to be isolated at that time.

[Michelle G]

Look at the bright side, your boss won't fire you!

Thanx Aubrey....that made me laugh and smile...you are so right

And on the skirt/ dress issue, I have some cute shorts and shirts that I really like and feel good in, I will take it easy for a bit and let Marybeth get her comfort level back up, at least we are real good at communicating

[Cindy]

I can see this from so many sides. I have a very high level job and I'm very well known in my profession. I was sort of terrified of coming out. I could live at home and go out to dinner and parties etc, but it meant I wasn't living as me.

In the end I made the decision that I was as normal as everyone else, that I had a right to my life; I'm not a sociopath or an evil person and I do good for the love of helping people.

I came out at my work. Big yawn. Came out to my professional colleagues, big yawn. I sit on my professional committees wearing female clothing and presenting as female. I do not have a very feminine voice. I have had no problems.

I do not have children, I'm sterile, a good cosmic joke that one; my wife's family all accept me, they never even blinked when I invited them all for dinner and they met me at the front door as Cindy.

It has been no great problem. Coming out in 2012 is a damn sight easier than before, a Janet said. There will always be global meltdowns, wars, idiots, booms and busts.

I think that there is never a better time than the present, because the only person who can make the decision is you, and when you are ready is the best time.

Cindy

[Naturally Blonde]

It is better now than it was in the 80s.  There are more laws now that can protect us.  And there is always ENDA.  If passed it will be a great boost.

The mid 1980's was my starting point which I guess was more difficult than it is these days? Now we have the internet and more educational systems about GD etc.

[peky]

While money does not buy happiness it does buy a lot of comfort and security and SRS and FSS and voice lessons and laser hair removal and etc. So, my advice is to give you money making strategy (career, trade, business) the TOP priority.

Make and inventory of you assets and liabilities, then draw a realistic goals for your life (not only for your GID, but your life as a whole), and finally chart a "road map" to achieve your goals. Do not let time be a discouraging agent.

For example, depending on your skill sets, you may want to seek employment with a company whose "health insurances cover treatment for GID.

[Nov413]

While money does not buy happiness it does buy a lot of comfort and security and SRS and FSS and voice lessons and laser hair removal and etc. So, my advice is to give you money making strategy (career, trade, business) the TOP priority.

While I agree that it is important in this Day and Age, I'm not sure if making it a top priority is such a good idea.
Yes, make sure you're not starving, but in the end money will not buy the support that you need for taking such life-changing moves in your life. Only true friends can do that, and to me, that should be the top priority in anything. What good is being the person you want to be, when you're all alone in a job that you hate?
Part of being yourself includes allowing yourself to do what you want, including a profession. Don't pick something because of the money, pick it because you truly want to do it. The money will come either way.

[Joelene9]

Elena,
  2012 is a better year to come out and transition.  Despite hearing of the contrary, 2012 is not the end of it either.  Try transitioning in 1977!  I saw my first shrink then and nothing came out of it.  That year the press roasted women's tennis pro Renée Richards when they found out she was once Richard Raskind after a chromosome test.  Good luck with your family on your coming out letter.
  Joelene

[Debra]

congratz and good luck. It's a wonderful journey with ups and downs...but well worth it, IMHO.

Take a look at my blog if you like. It goes over my 2 year transition in depth: http://transitioningpast.com