Deciding to transistion

[TheBattler]

Alice, you ask  if you could "convince myself, doctors and therapist that I am female."  Yes, you probably could.  Whether it's the RIGHT decision is the main question, not whether you can talk yourself into it.

You say, "I do enjoy the female feeling - sometimes I just dance around the lounge room when I have my skirt on."  I have mixed feelings about this sentence.  Part of me wishes you would get over feelings of joy in dressing and moving around as a woman (not meaning to be blunt, but you need to ask yourself if you are a ->-bleeped-<- or a transsexual).  The other part of me knows that little girls enjoy "dress-up" and we, as society, don't think anything about it because we realize that it's part of their formation in self-identity.  Which one you are only you can answer.  I offer these questions not as any kind of criticism but rather as, perhaps, trying to be a helpful (or unhelpful?) guide.

You ask, "Do I want to look and feel like a woman forever and a day?"  It's an important question to ask and, perhaps when you stop needing to ask the question, you will know the answer.  That sounds like a mystical conclusion but perhaps it's accurate.

Good luck in whatever road you choose.

Teri Anne

Hay Teri,

I do not mind you been blunt - it is probably what I need right now - to pull mt head in and figure out what to do before depression takes me somewhere awful (a few very bad thoughts are creeping back in).

I keep on telling people I am in the middle of the genders and thats more acurate then I relise. I can still function as a man but I am starting to relax and recognise the easy in which I can function as a female. If I had a bet I would say I am going towards being a female full time. There will be times when I pull back and want my old self back but overall GID is slowly doing it's stuff.

Alice

[Kimberly]

Old self? ^*shudder* All my 'old self' was was a tortured girl in a boy suit, in a boy role, in an alien boy life.

While probably not of any value but as a data point, I have never wanted my old self back.

[TheBattler]

I am not unhappy as a guy - it is just sometime being a girl would be a better fit.


Alice

  You just said something that a transsexual would never say.  You're "not unhappy as a guy" - it is just "sometimes" beign a girl would be a better fit.  Listen to your specialist and forget about transition. 

Well I must say I struggled answering this for a long time - the  question about am I happy as a guy how much does GID affect me and how much is my Medication masking my pain.

I just read and so related to this from another thread.

Nothing you have external to yourself will mean anything if you spend most of your waking hours in clinical depression.  A wonderful family, nice house, good job, and everything else will have no meaning.

.
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But!  You knew there was a "but" in all this.

If you do have this terrible blessing, transitioning is the most wonderful thing in life!  It is the blessing.  Life takes on colors and aspects that you have never seen.  Since I came out to myself and started down the path to where I am today, I have found out that after 55 years on this planet, I can find joy in life.  Doors have opened for me that I never knew were there.  I have a new found spirituality that replaced the cynicism in my life.  I have found Goddess in a grain of sand, and the world is in my heart.

This is what awaits you.

And here you probably thought it was just about dressing up...

-Sandy

I remember back to the time before my Meds last year - some of my darkest day. Going behind the shed at running and crying and then driving home thinking I should not do anything silly. Waking up at night just wanting my pain to end. I was so fearful of myself knowing what I had been thinking of day and night.

Depression got me into this mess - I wonder all the time what it will take to get out.

So am I happy as a guy. If that type of depression returns when I finally come of my meds I will not be a happy guy. In fact my life would probably end very quick if I just try and walk away from this. Sometime the depression does poke through my pills and I thinking about endding it like yesterday when I saw the perfact truck to run in front of.

I am looking for a way out of depression and fully accepting myself is one of the keys.

Alice

[Wendy]

Dear AA,

Depression and TG issues seem to weave themselves together for many.

Depression got me into this mess - I wonder all the time what it will take to get out.

So am I happy as a guy. If that type of depression returns when I finally come of my meds I will not be a happy guy. In fact my life would probably end very quick if I just try and walk away from this. Sometime the depression does poke through my pills and I thinking about endding it like yesterday when I saw the perfact truck to run in front of.

I am looking for a way out of depression and fully accepting myself is one of the keys.

If your doctors have found a combination of meds that makes your depression manageable then you should be able to continue that treatment for your life.  It sounds as if depression is a bigger demon than TG for you in the short run.

Please take care of yourself.