Quote from: Willow on October 23, 2013, 03:16:18 PM
Didn't have much to look at.
The sense of it though, it's almost as if I can feel it before it arrives. I try breathing, staying calm, but my arm won't allow anything to happen to it like it's sensing it's impending doom.
I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I need to have this bloodwork done to see if I can go on hormones. I want to be that strong woman my psychiatrist tells me I am, but my body is rebelling.
You know, in my case it's more like two sides of a coin. I don't mind when somebody does it to (I even prefer to do the piercings withn autoclave needles), but... Heck, after seeing people self injecting HRT, I thought two things: a) THis must be much less harmful to the liver than oral, and b) What if I can't push the needle enough or I break it while inside and I can't take out, and I need to walkt to the ER with a needle inside my body? Nightmare Fuel.
To be honest, I openly talk about my claustrophobia, but what nobody knows is that my worst fear is anything related to eyes. I could not wear contact lenses because I was too scared of touching my eyes (whenever I do I retire it), and the first test experience was awful on the first removal. I ended getting lasik, but even with that I was insulted by my parents and the doctor for saying that I was the worst case ever existed, and that a retard that had it done at the same time than me hold it better than me. They sedated me to the maximum they could and they still argue I was the worst patient. I've never been so insulted in my whole life.
They have opened my gut, sewn my forehead, cut my skin with an electric scalpel, driven a burning rod through my nose and removed a mold stuck on my teeth with a hammer. I never panicked, even when I saw blood flowing from an open wound in my forehead. And yet I have been chastised for years every time the lasik is mentioned. I'm a masochist with no issues for holding on pain (compared to the mind this is nothing), but the eyes is my personal private phobia. In 2007 I nearly got a sharp metal piece stuck in my eye. When I was a kid they f*ck*ng put a cigaretter close to my cornea. I still feel unsafe after years of not wearing glasses.
I hate my family the more I remember about them.